The Planet of Retarded Possums And Other Majestic Shit

Invasion of The Genderqueer Wolfkin Demipan-Romantic

Steve had never felt this much fear in his life. He reached for his alcohol, and started drinking.

"I can't stop!" yelled Steve as he drank more. Footsteps were heard, and suddenly the foursome realized they were the only people left in the room, with the exception of Bean who was asking for another ham sandwich.

The door opened.

"Don't move, it can't sense movement," Steve said. Everyone stayed completely still. In walked a glasses wearing, plump, blue hair dyed person, and a large number of cats.

"I can see you," the person said.

"Clever girl," Shane muttered.

Oh poor Shane. You shouldn't have done that.

Fourteen cats leapt on Shane, and the person stormed up to him. "DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER?"

Shane had.

Unfortunately, after Earth was destroyed and every single surviving human had been moved to the new planet next to Earth, the world of Tumblr was forgotten about. Shane forgot, Bean was too high to remember, and Dr. Clarissa/Vicky was too busy making real changes to the world to know that Tumblr even existed. But there were still those who practiced its ways in secret. After the Internet was restored on the new planet, Steve learned of the Tumblr Bloggers, and made it his life mission to protect his misogynistic and completely useless social skills from social justice warriors.

He knew the signs, the warnings, and that misgendering someone could easily lead to something horrible. And being triggered.

"IM TRIGGERED" yelled the blue haired person.

"I AM A GENDERQUEER WOLFKIN DEMIPAN-ROMANTIC. MY PRONOUNS ARE THEY, ZEE, AND ZEERS."

Hazmat Raccoon sighed heavily from inside the large waste containment unit he was stuck in.

As Shane was getting so much pussy, but not the good kind, Bean squealed again. She could smell Bernie Sanders's cologne, a new popular vegan fragrance that Tumblr Bloggers had recreated and begun wearing. Bean does not like cologne, and it triggers her epilepsy. Shane sensed the seizure, and glanced at Steve.

"Look...uh...we're sorry about that...BUT WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM," Steve said.

"I came from the genetic mutation testing unit," the person said. Steve and Shane glanced at each other, and realized it somehow made sense. "For some reason the idiots here were trying to disprove there were more than two genders".

Hazmat Raccoon shoved his face into Dr. Clarissa/Vicky's boobs to hide his laughter.

"So wait, why are you here then?" Shane asked as a cat started eating his ear.

"I'm here because if you guys wanna get into the void, you're gonna need help. Word travels fast around here, I know exactly how to help you."

"I don't need help from a stupid idiot who's probably sexually attracted to doors, why should I trust you," Steve snorted.

Suddenly more cats appeared and attacked Steve.

"Just hear zeer out for a minute okay?! It's getting kind of cramped in here and I'm pretty sure Bean is gonna die soon!" yelled Dr. Clarissa/Vicky.

At the words "Bean" and "Die", Shane leapt up to his feet. "Bean's not dying on my watch!" Shane said, somewhat heroically, "she's my only friend because I ate my last one!".

Steve and The Genderqueer Wolfkin glanced at each other.