"Go get the girl Liam, we're both using each other to get over our exes and it's bad to go back into a toxic relationship, but I guess that's our yellow paint. Yellow is a colour of happiness, but yellow paint is poisonous and I guess our ex's are...
Kira's PoV I went to bed early last night, because Liam's words were constantly running through my mind and it was driving me insane.
I remember everything, it's like I'm re-living the moment again and again and honestly I don't know what to feel. And fuck, I hate not knowing what to feel. I hate people making me actually 'feel'. Just that word makes me worry that I'm being loved. Love is a fucked up thing that I never want to experience.
I reach for my phone on the table close to my bed and turn it on only just to see messages received from Liam, I sighed heavily and began to read them.
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I'm not going to reply. Because I genuinely don't know what to say. I'm not good in moments like this, I never have been, never will be.
My fingers hesitated though, it was like they felt a force to reply back but I just couldn't. I threw my phone onto the other side of the bed and buried my head between my pillow while my thoughts were eating my alive.
My head was rocking backwards and forwards in anger whilst my heart was feeling pain. That's when I knew I'm not thinking about Liam.
I'm thinking of my father.
I'm missing my father.
What the fuck is happening to me. I rapidly remove the covers from my body and walk towards my mirror, and just observe the mess God decided to create.
I wish I was skinnier, I wish I was beautiful, I wish I had confidence, and I wish-
Before I could have any thoughts mama burst into my room, I tried to avoid any sort of contact and I started messing around with an elastic band.
She sat on my bed and stared at me for a while, it was up until 5 minutes before she began to speak. She clutched onto a picture from when I was little. I was me, her and my dad at the beach. She gave a sigh.
"Why are you all dressed up?" I uttered
"Job interview Kira"
I feel the surface of the elastic band and there was silence for a while, until I sensed hesitation and tension.
"Your going out with that man again aren't you?"
"You ask too many questions Kira, can't your mother look nice for once?"
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"Can't your mother look nice for once? You can look however you want. But why did you lie to me?
Don't you ever get tired of lies? Don't you think I get tired of listening to them? All you care about is yourself, ever since you met him, I've been an outcast. And you don't know how that feels.
I want to feel sometimes, I crave the deepest connections I want with people, but I can't have that. You know why? Because not everyone gets what they want sometimes.
But you get what you want. You don't even check up on me to make sure I'm not shaking at 12 anymore. All I have is my thoughts."
For a second there was silence. Deafening silence. Then 2 minutes later a heard the door slam and the photo my mother was clutching into was on the floor.
And then I realised I was alone. Again. I buried myself into my pillows again, trying to stop myself from answering my calls, but my phone began to ring louder and louder until I grabbed it in irritation.
