An Instrument in His Hands

Part 1 Chapter 7

Part 1

Chapter 7

It did.

I watched Muloki walk away down the road into the darkness, rubbing the back of his neck.

The look of horror on Muloki’s face when I informed him of my homemaking skills told me that he could never pursue a serious flirtation with me. Good! I could therefore practice flirting with him all I wanted, without any consequences. It could be so fun. I looked up at the stars and laughed.

But it also told me that my possibilities for marriage were extremely slim. The stars twinkled back at me and I looked down to the ground. I’d been so busy the past year or two contending with the crisis that Andrew’s behavior created, that I had not given much thought beyond that, or of anything else to do with the future. I had not thought of suitors, nor of marriage, except as a distant possibility.

I hit my hand on the gate. Perhaps I needed to start thinking about marriage now. I was fifteen years old.

I held up my hand to count the possible young men I could choose to marry on my fingers. I could not keep house. True, eventually I could learn, but I would never be as good at housekeeping as a young woman brought up to do so. Almost all men needed a woman that could cook and clean and sew for them.

That narrowed my possible suitors to include only the young men educated in my school, or a man that was a wildly successful business man. I knew no wildly successful business men who could afford to hire servants to do the housework a wife should do. Could Muloki possibly be a wildly successful businessman? No. He obviously wanted a wife who made good corn cakes.

That left the young men educated to work in government, like my father. Most all of them had attended the temple school. Could I marry one of them?

I put my counting hand down. Gag! Most of them, like Andrew, had followed the example of the sons of Mosiah. How could I even contemplate being the wife of one of them? I shivered under the moon. Never, ever! That would be almost as bad as marrying one of the actual sons of the King, which was a thought not to be borne.

There were a few holdouts who had not followed them… could I? Would I have to? One had bumps all over his face, one was so slow at his schoolwork that he had to learn with the young children, and the other one often had his finger up his nose.

I simply would not marry! I would not.

Then, a little voice whispered inside of me, ‘Would one of them marry a girl with absolutely no dowry?’

No, of course they wouldn't.

I leaned my head down on the gate. And I knew in my bones that I would never even have the opportunity to marry. The spirit confirmed this. I would not marry for a long time, if ever.

I sank down on the gravel behind the gate and hid my head in my arms. Never marry?

'Perhaps someday, if I work very hard...' I whispered in prayer. 'I can save up enough money of my own for a dowry. Perhaps, Andrew… Perhaps, someday…'

‘Maybe, someday,’ the still small voice whispered. I raised up my head and stared at the twinkling stars, hopefully. Was there not anyone now to want me among all the young men in the whole world? Was I that objectionable?

I protested to God, ‘I’m fifteen! I have long blonde hair and I’m graceful!’

‘These blessings will serve you well,’ was my answer.

I whispered, ‘I’ve been good all my life! Can’t I have a miracle?’

‘There will be many, many miracles.’

I didn’t want many miracles. I wanted someone to love me like my father loved my mother! He served her despite her many imperfections.

Could I bargain with God? Should I?

I got up and knelt properly upon the ground to talk seriously with him. ‘I want to know that at least I can be loved,’ I pleaded. 'I need to know I'm loveable. I want to love someone in return. Please?'

The Lord was silent.

‘Could I at least have a flirtation?'

No answer came.

'A little flirtation? Perhaps with someone like Muloki? Something to remember when I am a crinkly old spinster?’ I was getting rather dramatic about it.

But I was scared! How would I face being alone all my life? Could I?

I would have to. I really did have no dowry, and no hope for one for a long time.

‘Just a flirtation?’ I pleaded again.

‘You will be loved and adored,’ was my answer. It filled the chambers of my heart, so I knew it was true.

I would be loved and adored! ‘By whom?’ I asked, anxious for details.

But no further answer came.

***

Three days later Aaron showed up with Muloki while I was desperately learning to make corn cakes. I wanted to master the art just in case the Lord was wrong about my marriage prospects. They had to be wrong!

How hard could it be to make a good corn cake? Was our cook deliberately keeping a secret ingredient from me? Was she afraid of losing her job if I became successful? And how exactly did you get ground up corn to stick together to form a nice flat patty like she did? My cakes turned out lumpy and sticky and soggy if I got them off my fingers at all.

I had my hands covered in wet dough when they both peeked into our kitchen. I didn’t see Aaron with Muloki at first.

Muloki took one look at me and started to laugh. He was flattered and delighted that I was trying so hard to learn to cook.

I quickly put my hands back in the dough. ‘It’s delicious!’ I assured him. ‘I’m just working on the consistency.’

‘Prove it,’ he teased back, flashing me a wicked grin.

I smiled back at him and held up a good sized glob on my fingers. ‘Taste?’

He leaned forward with his mouth open.

When he got close enough, I quickly spread it on his face and laughed at him.

He grabbed my other hand and spread some on my face.

             Quickly, I dipped my free hand in the batter for more dough.

Muloki grabbed that hand too and licked the dough into his mouth. ‘Hmmm… tastes almost as good as a kiss.’

‘Thank you,’ I said pertly.

That’s when I noticed Aaron. He was scowling at us, fiercely. He reminded me of the time I sawhim dressed up as a jaguar with his mouth twisted in a frown.

Muloki dropped my hand, so I snapped it back and covered it over my face. That was a mistake. Now there was more batter on me.

Quickly, I turned away from them to wipe it off with my apron.

Muloki punched Aaron on the shoulder when he saw the scowl on his face. ‘Brother, it’s all in good fun. The lady needs a laugh now and then. She’s had a rough time.’

I could see them both reflected in all the cooking pots I had polished. Aaron attempted a laugh, but failed miserably. He was clearly not happy with our antics.

I wasn't happy to be caught in them either. The last time I’d seen Aaron I wasn’t exactly speaking to him, and now I was indebted to him for all this help – for everything. And he had caught me teasing, no, flirting, with one of his missionaries! What would he ever think?

Did I care what he thought?

Absolutely not. I did not care one little bit!