| Prologue |

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He returned to the boys, a fake, forced smiled etched onto his face. He needed help, but he was afraid to ask. He was afraid to get judged, to get frowned a pond. So fake smiles, bracelets and long sleeved shirts would have to work for now.

He took a seat next to Harry, who sighed heavily and slung an arm around his shoulders. Harry smiled, at looked at Niall.

"What's got you so happy?" Harry asked, and Niall rolled his eyes.

"It's in my nature to be happy." Niall responded, as Harry chuckled.

"That's right mate. I forgot." Harry said and Niall stood up, waving Harry off.

"It's all good." Niall said, walking into the tour bus's kitchen.

He opened the fridge and grabbed out a water bottle, twisting off the cap and taking a swig from it. Zayn walked in, his hair wild, and his Barbie-like girlfriend, Perrie walking behind him with a huge grin on her face.

Niall felt his heart break a little bit more, as he held onto the handle of the fridge, ripping his eyes from the pair. His knuckles where turning white, and his body was starting to shake. They still didn't see him, but they made their way to the bunks. Niall heard the doors close, and them lock it.

He felt sick to his stomach, and felt weak at the knees. He walked away from the kitchen, passed Harry and towards the front of the bus. He plugged his ear buds in, and laid down on the couch, pulling a blanket over his head, wishing for dark thoughts to go away, and sleep to wash over him.




It was late at night when they found a hotel, and Niall was still sound asleep. Zayn and Perrie laid naked, limbs tangled together, asleep. Harry sent Louis to go in and wake the pair, while Liam went to wake Niall.

Niall would wake better if Liam woke him up, since they where the best of friends. They kept nothing from each other, or so Liam thought.

No one knew about Niall's self harm.

No one knew about the self hate.

No one knew about the scars, just not on his body but on his mind and heart.

And no one knew how broken this boy really was.

Niall was in love with his band mate, and there is nothing he could do about it. Zayn, was to busy off with Perrie, and never seem to pay attention to Niall or the rest of the boys.

It was all Perrie, Perrie and a side of Perrie.

Liam found Niall, tear marks down his cheeks and Liam sighed. Niall hasn't been acting like himself, and Liam was the only one to catch on. Liam gently shook Niall, before groaning and opening his baby blue eyes.

Niall stretched, his joints popping as he sighed and sat up, taking an ear bud out.

"We found a hotel, the rest of the guys are already in a room." Liam explained, and Niall got to his feet, grabbing for his Ireland hoody, knowing it was colder then usual outside.

He made sure to grab a SnapBack, covering his messy hair and Liam was right behind him, leading him up towards the hotel. He got a room key from Paul, and dragged Niall towards an elevator, before punching in their floor number.

Niall sat down on the floor, cross cross apple sauce. He leaned against the elevator wall, feeling hunger pains.

Niall also didn't eat much anymore.

Eating makes you fat, and no one wants a fat person a little voice echoed inside his head.

He had dropped serval of pounds, and some of the fans where getting worried. He always dismissed the rumors by saying he was just taller so he looked thinner, that's all.

He didn't want anyone worrying about him, he was fine.

The elevator dinged quietly and Niall stood, following Liam down the hallway and towards their room for the next couple of nights.

Liam unlocked the door and Niall dragged his feet and flopped onto the closest bed, his baby blue eyes slamming shut and into a dreamless sleep.

Save me // ziall ✓Where stories live. Discover now