Only For Her

The Broken Alpha

"Come on Hayden!" Tess whines for the thousandth time and I stay laying in bed.
I didn't want to admit it to anyone let alone myself, but they succeeded. They did break me.

I had found out I was gone for almost a month but it seemed like only a day. I guess them keeping me unconscious had worked out for them.
I also found out the bad way that they broke me.
It was three days after I returns and we were watching movies in the living room and I avoided the guys, except Dawson. I sat away from them and sat beside Tess at the end of the couch. Words kept ringing in my head and I couldn't look at them the same way.
The words that rang were hate, killers and murderers. I didn't want to believe that, but I did. I believed that they were killers. I believed that they hated everything and everyone. I believed that they were the monsters I was warned about.
Even though I turned into a monster myself. The rage and hunger I've held at bay for years broke free when Xander beat me. I let it loose and now I can't keep it controlled again.
I felt dirty too. The night I got home, the Moon Goddess and another I didn't recognize had visited me. They told me that in my unconscious state, that the Alpha had been using me as a sex object.
The Goddess that was there with us was the Goddess of Purity. She had tried to restore my purity, and did it, but the Alpha stole it from me again. She said she'd try again to give it back to me, but I told her there was no use. It wouldn't come back. It couldn't.

I didn't tell Luke a thing, and I began locking my door at night. I still was scared that the Alpha would walk into the room and force himself on me.
I know Luke is hurting too, I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him. I couldn't even look at him. I felt wrong. And I thought wrong of him.
I could see him drenched in blood and his eyes are wolfed out. His hands and arms were coated with blood. His chest, face, and neck was splattered red. I only ever saw him like this in dreams. Then Jai and Beau would appear with blood smeared over their faces. I was terrified of looking at them, thinking that my mind would show me the dream versions instead.
I haven't told Tess since she didn't need the stress. She was almost due and I didn't want her to worry about me. Dawson tried to talk to me about it, but I avoided it each time.

"Hayden, you have to talk to us at some point." Dawson says as he sits on the edge of my bed. Tess is laid beside me and I look out the window. "I can't." I whisper and I see his head drop out of the corner of my eye. "Hayden, something happened when you were taken. We'll be here always, you know that. So come to us to talk when you're ready." Tess says and Dawson helps her up. They look back hopefully but I stay hugging the pillow to my chest. Tess sighs and they leave together. Nanook whines and she places her head beside mine. She presses her nose to mine and I close my eyes.

"Hayden." A male voice says and I jerk awake. Luke's worried hazel eyes are near me and I scramble back. "What's wrong, Hayden?" He asks and I press against the wall. "No, don't." I say frightfully and he backs up. "What did they do to you?" He says and stands up. I tremble and he slowly comes closer. "I'm not going to hurt you. Look." He says and holds his hands out towards me, they were empty. "They called you killers Luke." I say softly and his head drops. "So that's why you've avoided us for almost a month." He says and I nod. "I won't hurt anyone, you know this." He says and I sniffle. He gently takes my hand in his and holds it against his heart. It beats strongly against my hand and I look up at him. "Just know, as long as it's still beating, I won't hurt anyone." He says and I nod. "Now, you're staying in the house with Tess, Dawson, Jai, and my mom. Beau, my dad, and I are going to find who took you." He tells me and my eyes widen with fear. "No! Xander will kill the both of you!" I cry and he pulls me against him. I feel the urge to push him away and run, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He was finding the comfort he needed by touching me. "He won't hurt us at all." He says and moves his jacket. He had a gun strapped to his thigh. "They're loaded with wolfsbane enlaced silver bullets. He'll die before he touches us." He says and I nod. I pull him close and rest my forehead against his. He closes his eyes and he sends me a image through the mind-link. It was of us kissing.
One day maybe.
I know. I love you, Hayden.
"Luke, come on!" Beau says as he pokes his head in the door. I motion him in and he slowly comes closer. "I'll let you two talk." Luke says and he leaves. "Hayden," Beau starts and I hold up a finger. "Just come home safe." I say and hug him. He buries his head in my hair and I lay mine in the crook of his neck. "I'm going to kill that sick son of a bitch." He growls and I shake my head. "Be careful." I say and I can feel the guns on his sides. "When aren't I?" He says and I shake my head. "We'll be back before morning." He says and he leaves my room.
I hear the front door close and I go into the bathroom. I turn on the bath and walk into the closet. I grab my Nike leggings and I find Jai's OBEY hoodie in my bag. I put in my lavender scented bath salt in and wait for it to heat up. Once I see steam rising, I undress and put my hair up in a bun. I step in and sink into the water. I lean my head back and close my eyes. In the background, my phone is playing the song Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have by Panic! At the Disco. I softly sing along to it and relish in the water's heat.

The smell of Lavender reminded me a lot of Angelina. Her scent was a soft mix of lavender and vanilla, and the smell reminded me of the home I chose to leave. I chose to leave those who raised me to go to the one who gave me life. At times I regret leaving Ricky and Angelina, but I had to return to my first home.
Which will always be with the Lupei family.

A warm hand wakes me from the nap I was taking. It trails up my neck to my face and I lean into it. I knew exactly who it was and my wolf was happy to have him near. "Jai." I say and I feel his lips against my ear. "Yes, my love?" He asks and I feel his teeth gently tug on my ear. "W-what are you doing?" I ask, my voice going up an octave. "Helping you relax. You're very tense." He says and he flicks his tongue on my earlobe. I turn around and pull him into a kiss.
No matter what they say about him, my wolf didn't care. She found her perfect match, and was making sure I knew it.
He kisses me back with such a fierceness, it made me purr. I loved the way he tasted. I loved the way he would take control. I just loved the way he was.
I grip his shirt in my hand and pull him closer. His hand wraps around the nape of my neck and he runs his tongue against my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I deny him and he growls lowly. He nips my bottom lip and I hold back my gasp at the sudden action. He pulls back when he hears the song Bow Chicka Wow Wow by Mike Posner plays. I blush darkly and try to hide my face in his neck. "I think this is our song now." He chuckles and I keep my head in his neck. "I'll wait for you in the bedroom." He says and I nod. He closes the door and I quickly get out and dry off. I put on my clothing and go into the bedroom. Jai was laid out on the bed with his eyes closed. I lay on him and rest my chin on his chest. I trace his facial features with my index finger, starting from his jaw and slowly traveling up. Once I start tracing his lips, his eyes open. I continue to trace his lips without breaking our eye contact. His hands grab me by my hips and he pulls me closer to his face. My heartbeat quickens at the anticipation of another kiss. His hand pulls my hair out of my bun and he threads his fingers in the loose strands. He lowers my head to where only a breath is between us. "How is it that I'm not terrified of you?" I whisper and he looks at me with concern. "Why would you be scared of me?" He asks and I lower my eyes. "Hayden, why would you be scared of me?" He asks and I finally look up. "They called you, Luke, and Beau killers. And the entire time I was there, even when I was unconscious, they would say killers and your names. And now it's branded in my mind." I say and he hugs me close. "But you know we're not." He says and I nod. "I can't sleep without seeing you guys covered in blood with a crazed look in your eyes. I saw that, every time I close my eyes." I say and he presses a kiss to the top of my head. "We won't ever hurt you. Yeah, I'll kill but if they're a threat to me or those I hold close to my heart. But never will I kill for the fun of it." He says and I start closing my eyes. "You know, my wolf is finally calm with you laying with me." He says and I lift my head. "My wolf is too. She's finally calmed down again." I say and he smiles. "I guess we were made just for each other." He says and I don't reply.
You know what, screw Marcus and his law. I'm going to have multiple mates and he won't do a damn thing about it. It's time for payback.