Complication

Chapter Forty-Eight

"Mom can I borrow your car for a second?" I yell walking down the stairs. When we got home I took a shower then watched three episodes of Friends but my moms words were eating away at me. So I called Lucas and he surprisingly was already there so I'll have a buffer if I need. And sadly we left my ca at the barn.

"Yeah!" I hear her yell from her room.

I pull up behind Lucas's car in front of Justin's house and take a deep breath before going out. I just plan on going in there to make sure he's okay and maybe apologizing for partially giving him a concussion then leaving. I'm not staying for more than fifteen minutes.

I knock on the door and Lucas answers it. Surprised that it's not Justin's parents I make a face. "They're sleeping" Lucas partially whispers. "They said they were up early and been watching him until twelve when I told them I would wake him up every two hours to check on him." It's just now that I realize that it's two in the morning... "I'll give you the honors of waking him up now." Lucas says stepping aside to I can come in.

I slowly walk to his room, looking back at Lucas who sat down on the couch to continue watching whatever is on the TV. What am I doing? I was supposed to separate myself from him four months ago and here I am. I shouldn't care. But I do. Not obnoxiously like I used to but just enough to make me drive here at two o'clock in the morning.

I open the door and it's pitch black. It makes sense, when you have a concussion every little noise or ray of light makes you feel like you're dying. And I only ever had a mild concussion, Justin has a full blown worst you can get concussion. Why is he even home?

I pull up his desk chair to the side of the bed and after a couple of more seconds my eyes finally adjust to the darkness and I see him sleeping. The left side of his face was a little purple towards the back. I can tell that the horse kicked him from behind and I try not to imagine what it really would've looked like if he wasn't wearing a helmet.

As I sit he stirs and opens his eyes tiredly and slowly looks over to me where he shyly smiles. I can't say anything, not with him looking at me like he is. Slowly he raises his hand and his thumb brushes above my right eyebrow. He brushes it right over my scar. Barely noticeable to anyone who doesn't know about it. But When I hit my head in my car accident I needed two stitches there and it scarred. And for the longest time I refused to take notice of it, scared of not remembering how I got it. It just dawns in me now how painful it must be for him to look at me. Knowing him, he looks at the scar as a reminder of what he thinks he caused.

"Are we going to keep doing this?" I whisper and Justin drops his hand, fully knowing what I'm talking about. "We fight, we never get along, and look at what we've done to each other. We keep hurting each other." He sits up and it makes me wonder how much pain meds he's on. "I hope you don't want to do this anymore because I certainly don't."

I take a deep breath and he opens his mouth to talk but I shush him, "It's my turn to talk for once. I'm sorry. I know that you weren't concentrated riding and I know that's my fault. But we have to separate ourselves. We can't be friends because we will just repeat this whole thing again. And it will hurt me if I hurt you again and if it's the other way around I know it'll be the same." He goes to talk but I speak first, "I just came to see if you were okay. I'm sorry." I say getting up. If I stay any longer I'm going to break down into tears. I don't know what gets into me but I know that this is going to be the last time I see him so I lean forward and kiss him on his forehead shortly and say "Goodbye" and walk out.

Tears in my eyes I head straight for the door. "How'd it go-" Lucas says until he realizes that I'm nearly hurdling towards the door. "Gina?"

I pause with my hand on the door nob and quicly wipe my eyes before turning around. "Yeah?"

"What happened?"

"Gina!" I spin around to Justin looking not too thrilled. "You can't say that and then go ahead and do that!"

"I'm going to go..." Lucas says and disappearing into the kitchen.

"Justin, go back to bed."

"You say you don't want to hurt me, but that" He points to his room, "That just tore me apart!"

"And you think that I didn't think that too? You think that I was just going to walk out of here without a single tear?!" I yell back.

"I think you were going to walk out here without a single look back!"

"That was the point! I don't want to look back!"

"You would've left me here to mourn over what you've just done."

"I kissed your forehead it's not like I was proposing to you." I roll my eyes.

"You haven't even been able to look at me in the eye since you came home. So yes, it almost was. You would be doing exactly what I'm doing if I did something like that to you."

"Nothing would make me feel like that." I say coldly. "And you know why?" I step closer, "Because I don't like you! I haven't had feelings for you since the day I broke up with you."

He stands up straighter, "You're lying." he steps closer to me. "You would be able to stare at me in the eye, you wouldn't try so hard to avoid me, and you certainly would not be here right now." Of course I don't hate him, I was just trying to make him give up and go back to bed. "You wouldn't of said goodbye, you wouldn't of kissed me. You wouldn't have been crying on your way out."

Somehow him saying my own actions out loud made me think. I wouldn't of laid in the snow for almost two hours if I didn't care. Whenever someone I love gets hurt I shut down. I broke up with Liam, I really cried about Justin. I separate myself from him, I come right back.

Justin steps closer and closer. "You still love me", He whispers. "Admit it." He steps closer, his head almost touching mine.

Admit it Gina! My mind is screaming. But I don't want to move a muscle. I'm afraid that if I move he'll move away, I want him to stay right where he is. He looks at my lips then back at my eyes. Kiss me! Is all that goes running through my mind. Why have I been so mean to him? Why have I spent the last four months pretending to hate him? My heart is beating a million miles an hour. He leans in but pauses so close and whispers, "Now you know what it feels like." He backs up and walks toward his room.

My heart falls to my stomach. It was all a lie. He just wanted revenge. Tears come to my eyes and blur my vision. No. It's not true.

What he said hit me so hard it made me see so how could it be a lie? It's not. He has never lied to me and he certainly hasn't started now. He may have tried to hurt me but he just hurt himself even more doing so. "Wait" I strongly say. He stops and turns, like I thought there are tears in his eyes. "How bad does your head hurt?" I ask.

"A lot" he admits.

"But you did that just to take revenge?"

He steps back towards me, "revenge? You think I want revenge?" He shakes his head, "Gina, I just want to make you feel. I know you don't hate me like you say. I known you through good and bad. And when I look at you, I know... I know that you still feel something... Something for me." He takes a deep breath. "I love you. I will always love you. If you are going to stick with what you said before I'll be okay with it. It's your choice and I should respect that."

I place my hand on his cheek. "You're right." I whisper. "I've never stopped loving you." I say quieter than ever. He waits for me stay continue, probably wait for a 'but'. I smile and half laugh, bringing my lips up to his. And just like every other time, every other matter melts away.