green eyes

dua puluh dua || twenty two

The bed is so cold, I reach my hand for someone but the bed is empty on the other side. I lazily peak an eye open to see no one in the bed side, I feel kinda disappointed to see Jackson no where to be seen.

I sat on the edge of the bed to see a paper on the nightstands.

Lovely, Chris.

Thank you for stayed last night with me. Thank you to always stayed next to me. My demons silence by your presence. I go for a walk and I'm sorry if you wake up and not find me next to you. I need to clear my mind, I think.

- Jackson J.

I run my fingertips on the paper, we just lay down on the bed last night on each other's arms. Jackson he slept soon.

My phone rings makes me jump, Mom calling.

"Hi Mom"

"Hey Honey, how are you?"

"Hi Mom, I'm good"

"It's good, I'm calling to say that last night Harry come and ask for you. I told him that you're not her"

"Oh, is Kendra with him?"

"No, he's alone," "do you want to tell me what's happen between the two of you?"

"Mom, I don't know. I really don't know. There a reason why he keep come back."

"Chris I'm not gonna force you to tell me I just want to know is everything okay. I know it's hard for you. I know"

"Yeah kinda"

The conversations between me and Mom soon ended as Jackson walk in the room. He shot me a paper bag with McDonalds makes me grinning like a fool.

"How's your walk?" I ask as I uncover my unhealthy favorites all the time, Big Mac. He shrugged as he throws his hoodie off his body and lay down shirtless on the bed.

"Nice it took me off from few things. I'm so sad, Chris"

"I know, it's took me sometimes too when I lost my Grandma a few years ago. When we lose someone, it just we don't see them no more but feel to them in our heart. They never actually left us, they just finished their race while we still racing."

"Chris, it's only January and I feel like I want it to be summer to go traveling to take things off my mind"

"Oh yes! I always wanted to go to Bali. My college friend shows picture in facebook and it's kinda cool or we go to Paris"

"Paris? You wanna go to Paris?"

I nodded my head in excitement. And he smiles. "Why don't we go to Paris after Mum's funeral? So I don't have to be sad too much?"

He wanted to not feel the pain, he don't want to stays at the house where he still could feel his mother's presence that could hurt him.

"Jackson," I sigh, "Is this how you coping with losing?"

"Sometimes, I keep myself in happy place with someone I knew best. So I don't have to feel this so much of pain and losing."

"You have to realised that's she's already gone and you have to let her go" I stare ate the burgers, "That's how to let her go. Realising she's gone and never gonna come back. And you have to"

"Chris, it's hard to let her go. I never got a chance to tell her I love her"

"She knew you loved her, she always knew. She just want you to let her go, she'll always live in you, J"