No Words (Conor Maynard Fan Fiction)

Chapter 19 - Sinking In, Moving On

"Kate, wow it is really good to see you." My old friend said. Her and I used to be the closest but she didn't look so happy to see me. She smiled at me but the smile didn't reach her eyes. She seemed to be the head of the group now, walking in front of everyone else. It was usually her and I at the back. She was tall and not that skinny but she had so much make up on and I could tell she had hair extensions. She had her hand bag by her elbow and a short skirt on. It broke my heart to see my best friend this way. I blamed myself. I left and then didn't keep in contact with her. I didn't keep in contact with any of them when I should have and I didn't blame them for not looking so happy to see me. "It's uhm, good to see you too Jess. And everyone else, hey guys." I said as I looked behind Jess to the rest of them and smiled. They all smiled back but they all looked as if they followed Jessica's lead. We were all individuals when I was still here and now they are like sheep.

"And who is this handsome guy?" Jess asked as she looked at Conor and winked. "Conor Maynard, Kate's boyfriend." Conor said and I blushed. "Oh." Jessica's face went straight and I knew she was thinking why would Conor ever go for me. I wondered the same thing but he did and I couldn't be happier. "What are you doing back here anyway Kate?" She asked me, an edge to her voice. I thought she would be happier to see me but I guess not. "I'm just here for a few days to visit my parents and everyone else I guess. Conor's birthday gift to me." I said, looking at Conor and smiling. "Yeah, you just ran away as soon as they died and now you come and visit. How sweet. Because that just makes everything better." She said sarcastically and I was speechless for a moment. "Excuse me?" I said, getting a little annoyed. I know it won't make things better but it helps a little and I had no choice but to leave. I had to stay with the next family member that I could. "Nothing. We should be going, come on guys." She said, pushing her chest out and walking as if she were a model. I stared at her shocked for a little while before Conor pulled me away.

There was silence between us until we got to our hotel room. "What was that?" Conor asked and I shook my head, not knowing what to say because I couldn't really explain. "Those are my best friends. Well, were my best friends. I haven't spoken to them since I left." I said, sitting down on the couch and Conor sat down next to me. "Hard to imagine you being friends with someone like that." Conor said and I laughed a little. "She wasn't like that when we were friends. We were all a great group of people and Jess and I were the closest. She used to be like me, we were like sisters, I don't know what happened." I said, shrugging my shoulders. The more I spoke about it the worse I felt about leaving and not keeping in contact. Things were bad for a while but that's no excuse because they were all there for me all the time. Things got better with Conor but I still didn't speak to them. 

"That's why we are here Jess. For you to visit all the people that you left behind and I know we aren't here for very long but maybe you can get things back to the way they used to be. I want you to be happy Jess." He said and I wanted to hold him tight and never let him go.

"I am happy Conor. I couldn't be happier actually, than I am right now. I know you want to help but things changed and I don't know if I can get that back. I feel bad about it but things have changed. Why make things better here when I won't even be here." I said and he put his arms around me. " To feel better. Knowing that your friends are still your friends no matter how far away you are." He said smiling and I smiled back. He was right, I just didn't want to admit it. "We'll see how it goes." I said and we spent the rest of the day relaxing and watching movies. Martha stopped by for a little while but she had to go back to work. 

I woke up with Conor's arms around me and I didn't want to move. I was comfortable and I didn't want to wake him but he was already awake. "Good morning sleepy head." He said and I laughed. I checked the time and sat up quickly. It was eleven, usually I'm awake at eight. "Wny did you let me sleep for so long?" I asked, quickly getting up to get ready. Conor wasn't dressed but I knew he had been awake for long. "You were tired, and you would not have slept so long if you didn't need it so I thought I should let you sleep." He said and I blushed a little. He was too sweet. I knew today was the day that Conor was planning on taking me to see my parents' grave. We both decided it was better to do it first and I could always go back if I wanted to. 

"Are you ready?" Conor asked as he waited for me to finish getting ready so that we could go. He probably knew I was taking my time because I was putting off going to see my parents. It was going to be hard and I didn't want to go through it. I knew it would be a good thing though but I was still scared. "I don't want to push you Kate, if you don't want to go, tell me." He said and I walked out of the bathroom, ready to go. "No, I want to. I need to. Let's go." He didn't look convinced but he went with it anyway. 

"Where are you two lovebirds off to?" Martha asked as we passed the front desk. "To see my parents." I said and Martha's smile faded a bit. "You'll feel much better once you've seen them dear." Martha said, noticing my worried and scared expression. I nodded and smiled at her, walking to the car. Conor walked ahead of me to open the car door for me and I blushed. We drove in a comfortable silence on our way to the graveyard. It was quite close to where we were staying anyway. We walked, hand in hand, straight down the end of the graveyard. They were buried right in the back. That was where they wanted to be buried, I never got the chance to ask why. I stood in front of my parents grave stones and I couldn't help but cry. It was just two simple grave stones next to each other but it meant so much. Conor put his hand on my shoulder and I put my hand on his. Seeing their names on the grave and the date they died, I started crying even more to the point where I couldn't stand. I knelt down and Conor did the same so that he could put his arms around me. I calmed down and buried my face in his chest. We knelt there together in silence. I knew this would happen and I knew I probably looked terrible now. I hadn't thought about my parents, I had tried not to because it was so painful and now everything just came flooding back. Everything was sinking in. 

"Why are they buried all the way in the back?" He asked after a while. "I don't know. That's what they wanted and I never got the chance to ask." I said and he squeezed my shoulders. "Thank you." I said and he kissed me on top of the head. I did feel better coming here to see them and letting everything out and I wanted to do it more often. 

"I look terrible, I know." I said as we both got up. He laughed "You look beautiful." He said and I blushed. "I love you Kate." He said and I felt the butterflies. I was so happy he said that. "I love you too Conor." Conor and I walked to a place that sold flowers, quite close to the graveyard. We bought some flowers and walked back to put them by my parents' grave. Conor handed me a tissue and I wiped my eyes. I missed them so much. I couldn't help but think about all the times I yelled at them, rolled my eyes at them and didn't listen to what they said. "I wish I had listened to them more and I wish I had told them I loved them more. Most of all I wish we were never on the road that night. If we weren't driving, if it hadn't been raining, if I hadn't sneezed!." I said and Conor put his arms around me, squeezing me tight. "Don't do that to yourself Kate. It happened, there was nothing you could do about it. It won't change anything if you wishing things had been different. You're just torturing yourself thinking about the what ifs. It was not your fault Kate! Accidents happen." He said and I nodded into his chest. "You're right." I said. It wasn't going to do anything no matter how much I wished it. 

"Your parents would want you to move on and try to be happy Kate. I didn't know them but I know they would say that it wasn't your fault. None of it is. You can't control the weather or your sneezes." He said and I smiled. 

"Okay." I sniffed and he handed me another tissue. A little while later I said goodbye to my parents and Conor led me to the car. "We can come back again, tomorrow or just before we leave to say goodbye." Conor said and I nodded. "Yeah, that would be great." I said and we drove back to the hotel. 

"Are you going to show me around? I want to see where you lived and went to school." He said and I smiled. "After lunch I'll show you around because I'm starving." I said and he laughed.

I wish I had my parents back, I wish I had my friends back and I wish I had my old life back but I was starting to love Brighton and I love Conor and Ben and Liz are great. They have been fantastic and I owe them so much. I couldn't have any of it back so it was time for me to move on. 

I'm moving on.

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There it is :D Sorry it took so long :( I kept putting it off and then I didn't have time so yeah did it now and I hope you all like it :D 

xx