Love Revived

Chapter XIV

The walk home was short, as I did not want to return to Erik. I had been gone for far longer than I had made him anticipate, and I felt like a wretched person. There was little my wandering mind could settle for, though, and it needed to settle before I returned to Erik. If he asked me what had happened, I would need to lie no matter how hard it would be. It was for our own good, though, our own future.

"Christine?" His voice rang through the catacombs as I tip-toed into the sitting room where he was perched at his organ.

"I am here, Erik."

He smile when he saw me, still no mask on his face. The deformity almost looked kinder than when he wore his mask and showed me the first time. It was as if he had worsened it by his persistent wearing of that wretched porcelain.

"You took very long for your outing, is everything alright?" Erik asked.

I realized my wanderng mind hadn't just been distracted by thoughts of our situtaion, they had been plagued with thoughts of what really happened the first time on this night.

It was this night that we created Gustave, my poor child whom I loved so dearly. I wanted him back so badly, but all of the pain and care he took couldn't be fathomed right now, and it was not like Erik was coming around to marrying me that night. I knew he wouldn't lay a stray hand to bare skin if we were not tied to one-another closer than a knot in a noose. What a terrible analogy, I scorned myself. At least some good things that came out of this sitaution were things such as lacking the deaths of Piangi and Bouquet. Although I could almost wish that meddlesome stage-hand dead... almost.

"Everything is just fine, I was simply contemplating decisions I have made in the past." So far, I was yet to lie, and this pleased my guilty soul very much.

"You're not leaving, are you?" Erik asked suddenly as he stared down to my fingers playing nervously with my engagement ring.

My curls snapped up after my head did as I widened my eyes in surprise.

"No, Erik, my love. I promise I will never leave you... I love you."

He looked at me and I watched as his hands stopped themselves physically from covering his deformity. I could horribly tell that he was uncomfortable now, and very insecure. I was wondering where the insecurity had gone when we began this relationship, for I was concerned it would have seeped in by now.

"I love you," he replied, hands still shaking.

I couldn't let Erik torture himself any longer, so I took his hands and stood him up, leading him to our bed. He sat down and I followed, pressed agaisnt him on his lap, feeling his wamrth emanate through me. Erik wasn't cold, nor had he ever been. I loved discovering that for myself as I placed both of my hands on his face and kissed him deeply. There was no stopping me as I took control and delved into him, allowing his worry to steadily wash away. Erik deserved to know what stability and love were like, and here I was, determined to give him both. I loved the man I was sitting atop. His arms were wrapped around my waist as they made their way to my shoulders, pushing me away from him.

"Christine, I cannot promise that what we may do will be anything but foolish on my part."

Oh, if only Erik knew what I did as I began to unbutton his vest, not caring to heed what he had spoken. The last time this had occurred between myself and a man I loved was far too long ago. For Erik, and supposedly myself, this was the first time we were doing such a thing. I was ever surprised that Erik decided to take this chance before we married, however. Thoughts of Gustave popped into my head, and I quite physically got very excited. Erik just settled back as I took control of the whole charade, showing him where to go and how to treat me. Soft words and inviting touches ensued during the night allowing us both to experience something wonderful. As promising as the night had been, I decided that I would stay up the night and wait it out.

There was a specific reason I was doing this, and him fleeing from me was most definitely the reason. I would never let him leave me again, so with that in mind, I spent the night watching Erik sleep, fear and paranoia consuming me. I had no reason to be concerned this time around, yet I needed to know he stayed. Lest he did decide to leave, I would catch him in the act. I could talk him out of it if that was what he decided he was going to do. 

I felt this strange feeling in my gut, though, that he wouldn't leave me through the night. I hardly cared, for I needed to know, and I needed to be sure. Though the feeling could have also been the fact that what I thought of Erik and this situation happening was wrong, as he'd allowed things to go all the way, luckily enough. 

I felt insane as each moment ticked by and Erik's breathing was only steady. I could possibly fall asleep and hope he stayed with my heart, but for now I needed to know he didn't regret giving himself to me. God, I found I sounded just like him when he explained as to why he left me. What would he think if he realized he gave himself to me? If he didn't love me, for I had never really been his for him to know, then I would be out of luck. There were so many ultimatums at stake, and each and every one I imagined was far worse than the last.

When the morning finally arrived, I was watching Erik stir into consciousness. His eyes fluttered open, and his hands reached for his bare chest, wondering why there was a draft hitting it. He looked right at me and muttered words I feared even more than his leaving me.

"You're supposed to be dead."