Waiting To Exhale

Fifteen

   I rest my head on Mason's chest. It's getting dark out and most people have gone home. I should be worried about Gabriel coming home and discovering my absence from that place. He can call one of his buddies over if he can't do anything on his own. I am not his maid. Nor am I his daughter. He doesn't deserve my help. He doesn't deserve me. I'm over it. I'm over him.

   "I still can't understand why girls insist on getting all this fake hair," Mason says. He has been playing in my hair for hours. I asked him to stop but that obviously hasn't done me any good.

   I swat his hand away. "Because it looks nice. Plus I can change it up."

   "Whatever."

   "If it irks you that bad then stop playing in it. You're going to mess it up."

   "I'll do whatever the hell it is I feel like doing." His voice is calm and so I know he's irritated. I wasn't trying to irritate him. I don't say anything. I'm not going to argue with him. Mason is a grown man.

   Mason rests his hand on my inner thigh, a little too close to my center. "I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean it like that."

   "It's okay." I can't stay mad at him for long. I love him too much. There goes that word again. I'm still not sure if that's how I really feel about him. I don't even know if he feels the same. If I do then I hope he does. I don't want to be left out in the cold. 

   His hand slowly travels to my center. My breath catch in my throat. It's not hard to tell what he wants. This time I'm ready.

   "Mason." My voice is hoarse. I clear my throat and try it again. "Mason." I guess he doesn't hear me because he doesn't answer. It doesn't matter anyway. I lay flat on the towel. Mason climbs on top of me. He is careful to support most of his weight with his arms so that he doesn't squish me. He pulls my dress over my head, leaving me in my underwear. Its mostly dark and the beach is now empty aside from the two of us. At least I think it is. The chances of someone coming by and finding us like this are slim.

   Good.

   He runs his fingers down the length of my body. I feel myself getting hot. Soft moans escape me but I don't care. He pulls off my bra and moves to my panties. I place my hand on top of his. Looking him in the eyes I say in a small child-like way, "Be gentle with me."

   Mason nods.

   He understands.

                     ********

   During the drive back to Mason's penthouse he holds my tiny hand firmly in his much larger one. He talks about how beautiful I am and how lucky he is to have me. I don't believe in luck. I answer all his questions or talk when I'm supposed to because I don't want him to know how I really feel. I thought I would be ready. I knew he would want to and I thought I prepared myself but it still feels...wrong. Of course, I can't tell him this. He'll think he's doing something wrong or that I'm being ungrateful. I don't want him to leave me and find someone else. I need him. Not just for his money.

   I told Mason I would stay the night because he asked me to and I want Gabriel to know I'm not his dog. If I want to become more like Jen I have to show people I can make my own decisions and that I refuse to lay down and take what they give me. Of course, I don't tell Mason all of this. He doesn't need to know anyway. He will have an opinion on the matter and that's not what I'm looking for right now.

   When we walk through the lobby I feel like everyone is watching me. All eyes on me. Like they know what crazy act me and Mason just committed out in public when anyone could have walked by. Or like they know how I really feel about what we did and they all hate me for it. I lower my head to keep from having to look at them. I don't want them to be able to see me.

   I slip my sandals off and rush to the bathroom. I turn the shower all the way to hot. I feel dirty and I'm not just talking about what we did. Its something more. Something I can't wash away with soap and water but I want to dry anyway. I need to get myself together. I don't want to hurt Mason's feelings. He's done so much for me already. Maybe I'm just freaking out because it was only my second time. I hope so.

   I'm sore between my thighs and I'm sure it will be worse in the morning.

   The hot water glides down my back. My hair is tied up in a bun because I don't want to go through the trouble of having to dry it out. I scrub myself long and hard until I notice my skin turning red. It isn't long before the water begins to turn cold and I'm forced to get out. I guess I took longer than I thought. Mason will want to wait before hopping in if he isn't using the guest bathroom already.

   I wrap a fresh towel around myself and walk into Mason's room. I don't see him so he's probably in the kitchen. I slip on one of many Victoria Secret underwear sets that Mason bought. I don't bother with any of my clothes. I decide to slip on one of Mason's plain grey shirts instead. It barely covers my butt but it's not like Mason hasn't seen all of me.

   "You look sexy as hell with my shirt on." Mason declares. I jump and nearly scream. He came out of nowhere.

   I recover and muster up the courage to smile. "Thanks. Your thing s feels more comfortable."

   "Can I ask you something?" His face turns serious and my heart rate picks up. I can feel my heartbeat everywhere. He knows. Oh gosh. Of course, he figured out how I feel. I'm not very good at hiding things.

   "You don't need my permission."

   "You're right. Anyway...so I scare you? You know, because of my age?"

   Oh. He's just curious. I forget sometimes that he's never been with anyone as young as I at his age. "No. This is new for me as well as you. It excites me."

   "Good. Come over here and give me a kiss."

   "How about two?" I smile and sashay over to him. I give him two small kisses. "Or three..." another kiss. "Maybe four..." I miss him again. He picks me up and carries me to the bed. He smells like men shower gel and his dreads are damp. I break away from the kids laughing. He tried to kiss me again but I playfully cover my lips. 
He locks me in a tight grip and starts tickling the life out of me. I scream and laugh painfully 91st the same time. I never knew I was so ticklish. "Stop." I manage to say through fits of laughter.

   "Not until you give me a kiss." I can't hold out any longer. I peck his lips. His forehead creases as he looks at me and I know what he's gonna say before he says it so I try again. This time I add a little touche to the mix. He seems satisfied.

   It's in moments like these that I forget myself and all the pain that comes with her. Mason is the only one that can make her go away like that. I love that about him.