Waiting To Exhale

Fourty

   When we get back home I peel off my clothes and take a shower. I'm tired and I just need to rest my mind. I turn the water off and wrap a towel around my small body. When I get to the room Mason is laying across the bed on his phone. When he sees me one side of his lip curls up into a lopsided smile. He looks so good like that. He just looks good in general. Yet so many secrets lie behind that beautiful face.

   "What's wrong with you? You not still trippin ova earlier are you?"

   I shake my head vigorously, "No. Just thinking. Nothing in particular."

   He gives me a funny look but I shrug it off. I climb into bed and doze off to sleep. I don't get much of it though. I wake up tired. Mason is shaking me awake. I contemplate going back to sleep but those thoughts are quickly diminished when he decides to start yelling in my ear and pushing me. I jump up, worried something's wrong. Maybe there's a fire. I don't smell smoke but you never know.

   "Wake yo ass up Olivia!"

   "What the heck is wrong with you? What Mason?"

   "I told you 'bout that tone when you talking to me."

   I wipe the sleep from my eyes, trying my best not to look at him like he crazy. Even though he is. "Sorry," I say controlling my tone, "what's the matter?"

   He pulls a slip of paper out his pocket and wave it around in my face, asking me why I have it. I take the paper from his hand and take a look; it's the number Shauna gave to me at the library earlier. I stuffed it in one of my books and completely forgot about it. Why was he going through my things?

   "It's Shauna's number. First I thought it was some dude number so I called it and Shauna picked up. Why the hell she expecting calls from you? Why you got her number? Y'all been talking?"

   "Wha- no!"

   "Then why you have her number? You talking to all my exes now?" He starts yelling in my face and by now I'm so scared. I've seen Mason angry but this doesn't even amount to any of those times. My heart is beating faster than normal right now. Mason picks me up from the bed and slam me against the dresser. My back hits the corner. It feels like the life is being sucked out of me. I can barely breathe it hurts so bad. I fall to the floor. Mason grabs a handful of my weave. Forcing me to look up at him. It feels like he's going to rip my skull out it hurts so bad. I place my hands over his as if it'll actually help. "You do you have her number?" He repeats.

   "She approached me in the library. We talked for a while about books. I told her I was thinking about writing one myself and she gave me her number. Said she'd be happy to give me some tips. I didn't know she was your ex." I'm amazed at how fast I was able to come up with that story. Maybe I really should be a writer.

   "Mason please, you're hurting me."

   He lets go of my weave forcefully. I can still feel the pain as if he was still holding it. Hot tears stain my cheeks. He promised he wouldn't hurt me again. He promised.

   I rub my sore back. "You don't love me. I can't do this anymore," I admit. I know I don't know much about how loves suppose to be but I don't think he ever did. Maybe that's why I did what I did. I stand up on shaky legs, holding myself up by the dresser.

   "What?"

   "I don't want to be with you anymore. You never loved me. I don't think I ever loved you ei-" Smack! Mason's thick hands connect to my face with so much force he sends me tumbling back to the ground. Mason straddles me and begin his reign of torture; balling his fist up he delivers blow after blow to my face. Each one hurting more than the next. I scream louder with each one too. I've never felt this much pain in my life. I just want the torture to end. I wish I could take back what I said. I knew I shouldn't have made him angry.

   I knew.

   I knew.

   It feels like hours go by before he finally stops. When I'm just about drowning in my own blood. I can't move. It hurts to bad to do anything. Even breathe. My hands shake vigorously.

   "I don't ever want to hear some shit like that come out your mouth. This is love nigga. Get that through yo thick ass skull. If it wasn't for me you would still be walking 'round in them dirty ass clothes you use to wear. I paid for that weave. You don't own nothing. Everything is mine. I! Own! You! If you ever try to leave me best believe I'll kill you. Don't think you the only one 'cause you not. Don't text me, Olivia!" Mason storms out the room. A couple minutes later I hear the door slam. I wonder if any of our neighbors heard the altercation. Would they call the manager? The police?

   I sure as hell can't. I can barely move. I'm so angry at Shauna. She should have left me right where she found me. This never would have happened. This is all her fault.

   All her fault.

   All her fault!