If I Mean Anything To You (Fuenciado)

Supposed To Fall In Love

I let Mike's finish his story about some guy he'd met at a truck stop back in Texas. Mike had stayed hours into the day with me, even when I'd been forced to eat, what I assumed to be, dinner.

"So why'd you do it?" Mike asked me bluntly. I looked at him, a little taken aback by his bluntness.

"I know everyone would be better off without me, Mike. " I told him. "I just can't deal with feeling like a failure anymore."

"What the fuck are you on about? Everyone fucking loves you; mom, dad, me, Tony, Jaime and the fans. You're far from a failure, Vic."

"I might not be a failure to everyone else, but I am to myself. I can't help but feel that way, okay?"

"Why would you feel that way?"

"I dunno, I just do."

"Vic, is there something deeper going here?"

"No." Lie. There was a lot more going on than I'd allow anyone to see. Not even Jaime and we'd been together for a year. Mike frowned a little at me.

"Vic, I'll ask you one more time; is there more going on than what you're telling me?"

"No." Another lie spilled from my mouth. Mike knew I was lying to him. It was written all over his face. But knowing Mike, he wouldn't push it.

"Okay, if there is, ya know I'm here for ya." He stood from the creaky chair he'd situated himself in. "I'd better go talk to Tony and see how Jaime is. I'll be back tomorrow." Mike pushed the curtain back enough to let his tall and lean frame through. The curtains fell back in place, leaving me all alone with my thoughts. Such a dangerous thing. It was like someone turned on a switch and the thoughts, each painful and toxic, filled my head. So many, I couldn't keep up and felt dizzy. I could feel my dinner creeping up the back of my throat. I leaned over the side of the bed before the remnants of what had been food, came spewing forth from my throat. It burned. Felt like someone had scratched the inside of my throat and mouth. I didn't even glance at the puddle on the floor. Had no desire to. I laid back in my bed, pressed the button for a nurse and painfully drifted off to sleep.