If I Mean Anything To You (Fuenciado)

Barely Hanging On

Jaime POV
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This was...no. I couldn't deal with this. I felt like I was about to explode with my frustration. I'd had it with all this fucking secrecy and no-I-can't-tell-you shit. It was old. Or maybe it just hurt me deeper than when a friend told me they couldn't tell me something. The longer I walked, the harder it was for me to calm down and walk back to the bus like a normal fucking person. I just pissed. No, livid. I saw All Time Low's bus come into view. Did I want to tell anyone about what was going on with me and Vic? I shouldn't. But I really had to tell someone. Right? No, it wasn't right. But I could go and hang out with them for a while. That wouldn't be anything wrong. So I knocked on the bus door and waited for someone to open it.
"We don't want any of your goddamned cookies!" Jack yelled at me when he opened the door. I couldn't stop the smile from spreading on my face. "Oh, it's not the girl scouts, Alex. It's just Jaime."
"Well, you sound disappointed." I joked as he stepped back so I could come onto the bus. He shut the door behind me with a laugh.
"Because you didn't bring any fucking thin mints with you, now did you?" Jack asked me jokingly.
"Stop harassing Jaime about cookies." Rian said from the couch where he was playing some war combat game with Alex. Jack rolled his eyes and plopped down on the couch next to Alex. I sat down next to Jack.
 "So, what's up?" Jack asked me. I shrugged.
"Not much, you?" I asked him back. He made a face.
"I didn't wake up with a hangover. Or naked. So that's a plus, I guess." He told me with a grin. I shook my head at him.
"For you, that's a plus." I told him jokingly.
"Damn straight!" He laughed loudly. On the television screen in front of us, a plane exploded in a huge ball of fire. "Whoa! Who was that?"
"Tell 'em, Rian, who's kicking yo ass?" Alex teased the drummer. Rian frowned at him.
"No one is! You wait, when I'm revived again, it's fucking on!" Rian joked back. Their tour manager, Matt, walked into the front lounge.
"Pause the game." Matt demanded them calmly. They ignored him and kept playing. "Guys, pause the game." Again, he was ignored. "Dammit, guys!"
"What, Flyzik?" Alex whined to him.
"Which one of you fuckers clogged the toilet with all the toilet paper?" Matt asked them all, his voice deathly calm. Jack's face broke into a grin, just like Alex's did.
"Why? Do you have to take a shit, Flyzik?" Jack asked him. Matt's face turned bright red.
"Which of you did it? Just admit it!" Matt avoided their question completely. Alex paused the game and held his sides as he laughed out loud.
"Look at his face!" Jack choked out between laughs. "It's all red!" It was obvious by then that Matt was a bit pissed, but had other problems going on, mostly with his rear-end, so he didn't even bother replying to their childish banter.
"Where's he going? Matt? Matt!" Alex called after him, the only response he got was the door of the tour bus closing behind their manager. "That was hilarious!" Alex high-fived Jack.
"Yeah it was!" Jack wiped at his eyes. Rian shook his head with a smile on his face.
"You both do realize that none of us can use the toilet because you clogged it, right?" Rian asked them. The realization fell across both of their faces, their bright red cheeks going pale.
"Fuck." Jack cursed under his breath.
"Shit." Alex cursed as well. He shrugged. "Oh well. Nothing we can do about it now."
"You guys are ridiculous." I said to them. All they did was laugh.

I went back to the tour bus a little before sunset, our show started in a few hours. I walked onto the bus to find Tony talking to Mike in the front lounge. I sat down on the couch next to Tony and listened to them talk for a moment.
"...But I was thinking like doing something different." Mike said to Tony. Tony nodded. "But, it's a bit had to even think about doing that, ya know?"
"Yeah, I get it. I hate when they start crying, then I feel bad, but I can't really help them." Tony said to Mike. They were talking about meeting fans. There were some things we all just did, like making goofy faces or saying something stupid. But whatever we did, we tried to make it memorable for each fan. Mike nodded.
"Yeah." Mike looked to me. "So, Jaime, you ready for the show tonight?" Mike asked me with a grin.
"Hell yeah, I am!" I said to him. Playing in front of crowds was my favourite part of each day. I could hear Vic warming up his voice in the back. My anger with our situation had long ago dissipated.
"Um, Jaime, did you talk to Vic?" Tony asked me. I raised an eyebrow at him. "About, ya know, the thing." I blinked, pretending to not know what he was talking about, when in truth, I knew exactly.
"He might not want to talk about it yet." Mike said to Tony. Tony nodded slowly.
"I know, but I just think it's better now than later o figure out what's up with him." Tony suggested weakly. "But it's okay if neither of you want to talk about it."
"That reminds me, Mike, I know who drunk your whiskey last night." I said to Mike.
"Okay, who was it?" Mike asked me, urging me to go on.
"Vic did. But it's okay." I told him, rushing to add the last part. Mike sighed. "He was just having a bad night." I honestly had no idea if Vic was having a bad night or what, but I figured it would help his case.
"It's cool." Mike stood from the couch. "I'm going to go change real quick." Mike left the lounge. Tony glanced at me.
"Jaime, are you scared?" Tony asked me quietly. I shrugged.
"Depends. What are you asking about?"
"Are you scared for him?" He asked me, gesturing to Vic. The sound of his warming up reminding me of an animal, sea lion? Walrus?
"Yeah, I'm scared." I admitted to Tony. "When I jumped after him that day, I really thought he was going to leave me. Forever."
"I think all of us thought that. I know you love him and all, but why did you jump after him? You could've died too."
"I jumped because I love him. I wasn't just going to stand there and let him throw his life away, I at least wanted to try to save him."
"Makes sense. How you holding up with all of this?"
"Honestly? I'm barely hanging on."