The Baby Blue Bentley {Russell Westbrook}

Chapter XXXIX

"I fucked up so bad," I walked into Apryl's house and dropped my purse instantly on the antique couch piece in her foyer. "Black isn't home, is he?"

"Nah, he's not," I sighed with relief that her boyfriend wasn't home. Black was a major rap producer. I sure as hell didn't need him around with this news I was about to tell Apryl. He knew everyone all over the U.S. And him and Sean, were actually very good friends. Black also went to a lot of basketball games and was a huge Lakers fan, at many of the games, he would normally be sitting court side. I knew he probably knew Russell. "What's wrong, girl? You look like you're about to have a heart attack. Come into the living room and sit down." She grabbed my wrist and lead me into the living room, sitting me on the couch. "Do you want some water or something? Something to drink?"

"Just let me talk," I told her. I needed to just say it. I needed to accept what I did and I needed to vent to someone about this. I knew Apryl wouldn't tell anyone and I completely trusted her with my life. "I cheated on Russell..." She instantly tensed up and her eyes widened. "With Sean."

"STOP! NO! WHY!" She whined, pouting her lower lip. "You and Russell are like the fucking it couple! Why would you do that, Monica!"

"He kissed me on the plane," I told her.

"Hold on," She shook her head and narrowed her eyes. "You two were on the same plane? Here?"

"Not only that, but the same seats right next to each other," I explained, sighing. "Part of me... I mean what are the chances of that happening? That's just way too big of a coincidence. I couldn't help but think... maybe it's fate. Maybe... What if... What if Sean and I are meant to be together, A?"

She shook her head, pursing her lips. She put her hand on my thigh in pity. Maybe I was crazy. Maybe this was all some crazy notion. Maybe there was no much thing as fate or destiny. "I don't think you two are meant to be. You know what I think? I think he somehow knew you were going to be on that flight and in those seats. He's a rapper and multi-millionaire with a lot of connections and power. He's trying to get into your head, Mo. You're letting him. You already let him. He's trying to show everyone that he can steal you back, even after everything, all those horrible things he did to you. He's playing you like a game. He doesn't see you as a human being or a woman, he sees you as an object... a game. He doesn't care about you. He's trying to make a point." I let what she had just said process and my mind wandered to think that Apryl was right. He was just trying to get into my head and so was Nina. I was foolish enough to let him. I put my head in my hands and tugged on my hair. I was so stressed. I was beyond stressed. "You know what I really think? I think you and Russell are meant to be. I think you two... are destiny."

"Yeah, but I fucked that up," I shook my head and a tear fell down my cheek as I sniffled. "I fucked up the one good thing in my life. The one thing that really brought me happiness." Apryl rubbed my back in sympathy. "He's not going to take me back, A. He isn't going to let me explain... He's just going to leave."

"You don't know that—"

"Only I do," I refuted her statement, "I know Russell. He doesn't take any BS." I fell back onto the couch and rubbed my temples. I just wanted to sit in silence, but I wanted Apryl to say something. I wanted her to tell me everything was going to be okay. That Russell was going to forgive me. But, that would all be a lie. And Apryl didn't lie.

"I don't know what to say," She admitted, sighing. "How did it feel?"

"Not even near Russell," I admitted.

"Damn, so your ass went and cheated and it wasn't even any better? It wasn't even worth it?" She asked, "I thought my life sucked... Clearly, I was wrong." I rolled my eyes, but I knew my best friend was right. What even was I thinking? I was vulnerable and he knew it and he took advantage of me for it. Like he always did. Yet, I was too stupid to stay away from it. "I knew I should've picked you up right from the airport. Instead of letting you 'do your own thing.' Now do you see what you've done?" She shook her head and took a deep breath, not believing what I had done.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered.

"Why the hell are you saying sorry to me? I am not the person you should be saying sorry to," She challenged, glaring at me. I knew Apryl was hard on me for a good reason. I was glad she was always looking out for me, it meant a lot. She always tries to keep me out of trouble and push me in the right direction. Notice how I said 'tries.' "I can't believe this. Why would you do this? I'm not mad... I'm just... Wow, shocked, maybe?"

"So am I," I admitted. "Even though I was the one that did it. I don't know why I did it." I still couldn't believe what I had done. I had taken everything I had with Russell, took a hammer and crushed the whole thing. I promised myself I would never do this, but apparently, through all this hurt, I had managed to lose my morals and dignity as well. "What did I do," I muttered. It meant to be a question, but came out as more of a statement. Because I knew, I knew, the moment Sean's lips brushed against mine on the plane, that he would have me wrapped around his finger. And that scared me more than anything.