A Chicago PD Au fanfiction | Hollow

Thirty

Being angry and to let it all out is exhausting, it's slowly tearing me down. It feels like every time this happens it's worse for each time, and I don't think it'll ever get better as long as I don't get help.

People believe I behave this way because I'm dangerous and a criminal deep inside but that's not what I am. I'm a weak person and can't control my anger, and when the anger boil up too much I have to get it out. The only way I know to get the anger out is to cry. And when I don't get to cry I want to hit people, throw things around and scream. The worst part is that I never remember what made me angry or what I said during the outrages.

I still lay on the floor, the handcuffs are chafing on my wrists, leaving bruises and it feels like something sharp is stabbing my stomach. I still get small cramps here and there from the shock I got earlier. Nothing feels good right now.

All I want to do now is to fall asleep and wake up when it's all over. It's a rough situation right now but maybe I deserve it. Voight can't run around saving me from all my mistakes, I have to learn that everything comes with consequences. Both good and bad.

"I'm 'gonna loosen the grip now" Tom say and I can feel how the pressure on my back disappears.

My body is still tired and I can't really stand up on my own without stumbling around. I get help to get up from the floor and to sit down on the chair. What bothers me is that they seem to be so calm about this. If I was a cop in this situation I would have been really upset.

"We know about your diagnosis and after what happened we decided that we want to make sure you get real help" Tom says and sit down on the other side of the table.

I look at him strangely "diagnosis?" I ask "I've never had a diagnosis" I continue.

"In your file it says, tested positively for IED, approved by Dr. Charles and that you're under supervision by Henry Voight" Tom say.

It's weird because I never tested for IED, I don't remember testing for anything. Except for that one thing after I got out from jail. Voight wanted to test me for ADHD but it came out negative. But what if I never tested for that but for IED instead and it came out positive, and Voight has known it all the time.

"I'm sorry, it's just, I'm in a bad mood and then this" I say to excuse my silence.

Tom pick up a piece of foil and push out a white pill onto the table.

"I don't want some stupid medication" I say and quickly wipe it of the table.

Quickly I get up from my chair and start wandering around in a small circle, with my hands on my forehead, I can feel it coming again. I breathe quickly and heavily.

"You should leave" I say. I feel it coming closer and closer.

I hear how the door opens and then how it closes again.

"Jennifer" a voice says and it makes me stop. It's Dr. Charles.

I turn around and look at him.

"Let's talk" he say.