Wake me up. Dan X reader

Black and blue

Tomorrow is dan-Kune's birthday!!!

You and Dan sat down on a bench and snuggled up together. You realise how stupid this all is: You fall in love with a 'stranger', his bestfriend exposes your relationship to the public, his bestfriend kisses you against your will, you break up and now after a month you get back together. You just kiss and make up. You just forget what happened and now you're kissing again.

It seems to forward and insincere.

You haven't healed, you've just bandaged the wound.

You still feel the cut throbbing under the plaster.

You still feel the cut bleeding into the cotton.

You still feel the cut festering with the memory of infection.

It takes time and work to disinfect the wound, to fix the relationship and nurse it back to health.

You worry that you and Dan will break up again this time forever. Dan can't handle that.

You can't handle that...

"Dan, I don't know if I'm ready to be with you again. I know we love each other but I can't break Phil. He would be heartbroken if he knew I still love you. I can't watch him burn in front of us like that. No matter how angry you are with him, I know you can't either. He still needs you Dan, I need to see you two happy again. I can't change how Phil feels or how I feel. Just know that I love you and one day I will come back for you... I love you Dan." You snuffle.

His eyes widen and he seems grey and lifeless.

I feel like I've just sucked the life and happiness out of him.

He tries to speak but his tongue is tied.

I stand up and smile apologetically and wave goodbye.

"No, no, Y/N I need you. Don't leave, Phil and I need you. Please stay! Please!" He begged.

You shake your head slightly and open your arms for a hug.

He darts at you and cups your face gently. Before you know it he was kissing you.

You didn't even think about having to leave Dan, how could you when his tongue was abseiling down your neck.

You some how end up at his house. In his bed.

Removing clothes.

Heat of the moment.

Digging your soft nimble fingers into his spine.

Stroking his face.

Kissing his neck.

Gasping for air.

...

(the next morning)

You open your eyes. Dan is asleep. The house is silent and cold.

You slid out from under the covers and feel a chill run up your spine.

You carefully plod over to your clothes and gather them up in a heap. The door is slightly ajar so you slip out and make a dash for the front door.

You freeze as Phil turns around on the sofa.

Your heart is beating fast.

"I can't explain my feelings for you Y/N. I've tried and you rejected me. Somehow you still have the audacity to come here and sleep with Dan." Phil began.

"Phil, I'm sorry. Last night was a mistake. I need to leave. Now..."

He exhales loudly and nods reluctantly.

His eyes follow you like a hawk until you shut the door behind you.

You breathe out in relief.

You sluggishly walk over to your door and throw yourself into bed.

Time passes quickly again.

You're alone.

You're depressed.

You're anxious.

You're ignoring everyone.

You're self contained.

You're worthless.

You're sorry.

You're not going to say it, but you're sorry.

You're hoping they know that you are sorry.

It's 7pm one week later.

Dan keeps texting you like diary entries.

Dan: Well I dreamt of you again. Touching me, kissing me, holding me. I'm dead. You were my excuse for living and now I'm pretending to talk to you. You probably don't have your phone anymore, it's just another way for people to talk to you.

Phil and I beat each other until we're black and blue. Till we can squeeze blood from a stone.

I know it's pathetic and childish but I feel like I'm fighting for you, even if I can't win you back.

Phil saw you leaving, told me you hated my guts.

I don't blame you. I don't know why. But I don't.

I haven't done anything but if I'd been a better boyfriend you might have loved me. If I stayed away another few months we could be back together.

But I was stupid, lead you on and we slept together.

I knew it was wrong but I was intoxicated by your touch and high from your kisses.

I'm an idiot.

I'm an idiot and I still love you...