Love to Hate [1]

But there's a side to you that I never knew.

Song: Set Fire to the Rain // Adele

Nessa's POV

Bellamy and I ended up talking for quite a while. We talked about the Ark, about the ground, the Grounders and the threat they possessed. He asked about living in the vents and he told me about what happened with his sister. I actually forgot that I was supposed to hate him. And I really began to understand him. God, I'm gonna say it. By the end of the conversation I actually started to hate him less. Sure he could be a pigheaded asshole most of the time. But it seemed his heart was in the right place.

And apparently, while Bellamy and I had been having our little chat, several important things had happened. 

1 - Monty had gotten the wristband working and connected to supposedly communicate with The Ark.

2 - This had not worked and instead had fried all of the remaining wristbands, leaving us with no form of communication. 

3 - A cargo pod from the Ark had crash landed nearby, giving us another chance at communicating with them.

We had found all of this out when we heard excited shouts from outside the tent and Bellamy went to check what was going on. He wouldn't let me get up and follow him which annoyed me. I wasn't helpless. Just mildly concussed and woozy from blood loss, nothing I couldn't handle. When he got back he quickly filled me in. I sat up as more people filed into the tent, Octavia among them. She gave me a small smile.

"Glad to see you're feeling better," she said. I smiled back.

"I hear I have you to thank for that. And Jasper. Thank you both," I said sincerely. She nodded, then turned to the map her brother and the others were studying.

"Right, if it cleared the ridge. It's probably near the lake," one kid explained, pointing to the map.

"We should get moving, everyone's ready," Octavia chimed in.

Bellamy stood with his arms crossed, staring at the map. "No one's going anywhere," he finally said. "Not while it's dark it isn't safe. We'll head out at first light, pass the word." Everyone nodded and began to file out the tent. Bellamy made to leave too but Octavia stopped him. 

"Everyone for a hundred miles saw this thing come down. What if the Grounders get to it first?" She asked. Good point. "Bell, we should go now," she insisted.

"I said we wait until sunrise," Bellamy replied, a little harshly, and then walked out. I made eye contact with Octavia and she rolled her eyes before following him. That's it, I couldn't sit here any longer with all of this excitement. I swung my legs off the bed and slowly stood up. Pain raced up my left side and my vision swam a little but I didn't fall over. I was pretty sure Murphy had cracked a rib. I slowly made my way out of the tent. Everyone was up and about, obviously anxious about the pod and what it's arrival meant for us. I saw Octavia, Jasper, and Monty talking earnestly by the fire. I almost went to join them until I saw Bellamy out of the corner of my eye. He was stuffing a backpack with rations, and then he walked over and grabbed a makeshift weapon from the pile. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, he melted into the forest. 

'Wait till sunrise' my ass. He was going to do something to sabotage our communication with The Ark. Just like he had been doing since we got down here. And just when I was starting to like him. Gritting my teeth against the pain, I followed him. Sure enough, he was making his way exactly to where the pod should have landed. After a few minutes I decided enough was enough.

"Bellamy!" I shouted.

He spun around, knife raised. He looked surprised to see me hobbling up to him. Concern clouded his face. "Get back to camp, Nessa, you shouldn't be moving around. It's not safe out here for anyone, let alone you in your condition." He still had the nerve to act as if he cared about me - about anyone.

"Right now, I could give a damn about Grounders, Bellamy Blake. You lied. To Octavia, to me, to everyone else. You just want to get to that pod first so you can destroy any chance we have of contacting the Ark. This could be our lifeline, the only way we can survive, and you're going to throw it away for some selfish reason I have no way in hell of understanding. Just when I was starting to not completely loathe you, you remind me again of why I should. You are nothing but a self-serving asshole," I spat at him. 

I saw that my words hit home. Bellamy looked ashamed, but it was gone in a second. Replaced by anger. "You don't know what you're talking about. Just go home," he yelled. 

"You're right. I don't know what I'm talking about. Because I'm not a dick who destroys everyone else's chance of surviving just to cover my own ass. They don't even know that's what your doing. They still think that you're their fearless leader who's going to protect them and never steer them wrong. If only they knew. Does Octavia know the real you? I bet she doesn't, or she'd be ashamed to have you as a brother," I continued. 

That must have struck a nerve. Bellamy shouted in rage and lashed out, shoving me to the ground. I cried out as I fell on my injured side, my already tender head hitting the ground hard. The pain was unbearable and I laid there for a few minutes trying not to black out. Tears flowed down my cheeks. 

"Oh my god, Nessa, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-" Bellamy reached out a hand out to help me, the anger completely erased and only guilt on his face. I didn't want his pity. I hissed and swatted his hand away, rolling over to push myself up off the ground. Holding my hands to my freshly bleeding wound, tears still freely streaming down my face, I turned to Bellamy. He looked so sorry and sad standing there. He knew he had completely undone whatever understanding we had formed only hours earlier. He started to say something again but I held a hand up.

"Don't- just- just go," I breathed between each painful breath. "Go and kill us all, I'm done hoping you're not exactly who I think you are. Now I just hope everyone else figures it out." I turned to limp slowly back to camp. As I walked, I didn't look back. But I listened, because there was still a small sliver of hope that I would hear his footsteps behind me, following me back. But no, of course not. After a few seconds I heard him continue towards the pod. I grit my teeth. "Asshole," I breathed.