Love to Hate [1]

Now turn away, 'cause I'm awful just to see.

Song: Cancer // My Chemical Romance

Nessa's POV

Something was wrong. Ever since I had left Bellamy I had been feeling a pounding in my head and a ringing in my ears. It only grew worse as time went on. I tried to ignore it, drinking more water, putting it down to dehydration, lack of sleep, sun exposure, or some combination of the three. But it wouldn't go away. I stumbled out of my tent and back toward the drop ship. They were gonna start talking to Murphy soon. And I needed to be there to keep Bellamy in check. But walking was proving too difficult and I fell to the ground. My head felt like it was going to explode. I heard people in the distance shouting Clarke's name and struggled to my feet to see Connor doubled over. Blood was pouring from his eyes and he was also coughing it up. Clarke stood in front of him, trails of blood also leaking from her eyes.

"It won't stop," Connor breathed between coughs. I put a shaking hand to my eyes and it came away bloody. 

"What is this?" Raven asked Clarke. Just then Derek began to cough up blood. Those sitting near him by the fire quickly backed away. What the hell was happening to us?

"Raven," Clarke commanded. She had also caught sight of me, barely standing, blood leaking from my eyes. "Get away from us. They're the ones who brought Murphy in." She rushed into the drop ship. I couldn't stand anymore and collapsed again into the dirt. A wave of nausea came over me and I started retching up blood. My entire body was spasming, I felt like I was choking on blood, that it would never stop.

"Nessa!" I heard someone shout. Bellamy. I held a hand up.

"No, get away," I called out weakly. But it was no use. He kneeled next to me, tilting my chin so he could look at my face.

"What the hell is happening to you?" he asked. He sounded worried, scared. 

"Murphy," I managed to whisper. "Need....to get...to Clarke. Dropship." I turned away from him as I began to heave up more blood. This was the worst thing I had ever experienced. I wanted to die. Bellamy stood, placing an arm under my back and behind my knees, easily picking me up. I tried to protest but even healthy I was nowhere near as strong as him. He carried my into the drop ship where Clarke was talking earnestly to Murphy. She looked up as he walked in.

"Bellamy, no, you need to stay back," she protested. She seemed much better off than I felt. 

"What the hell did he do to her," he snarled. It was clear he wasn't going to listen to either of us. Clarke didn't answer, just looked at Murphy. There was a pool of blood on the floor and I could tell Murphy was experiencing the same symptoms. Bellamy took it all in as well, his eyes wide. "What the hell is this?"

Clarke took a breath before responding. "Biological warfare. You were waiting for the Grounders to retaliate after the bridge. This is it - Murphy's the weapon." We were all silent as the realization sunk in. How could we fight against a disease we knew nothing about? My vision was starting to go in and out. 

"I can't see- I can't see-" I started to panic, hyperventilating. Bellamy set me on the floor. 

"Clarke, please do something," I heard him pleading. "She can't die." I started to retch up more blood. Choking, struggling for breath. Please, just let me die.

Clarke came over to me with a wet cloth. "Lie on your side," she commanded. I did so, and found it was easier to breathe. She tried to calm me down as she wiped my face with the cloth. Connor and Derek came into the drop ship. Meanwhile, Bellamy was confronting Murphy. 

Bellamy's POV

"So is this your revenge?" I demanded angrily. "Helping the Grounders kill us?"

"I didn't know about this," Murphy responded weakly. "I swear."

"Stop lying!" I shouted. "When are they coming?" We all waited for Murphy's answer. He hesitated. 

"Murphy, think," Clarke pleaded gently. "Can you think of anything that's useful? Did you hear anything?"

Murphy shook his head. "They're vicious, I-" He stopped as Nessa coughed up even more blood. Tears were now mingled with the blood pouring from her eyes. I couldn't take it. I watched as she heaved, her entire body shaking. She was dying, and I couldn't do anything to help her. 

I turned back to Murphy. "You want to see vicious?" I yelled. I knew I was being unreasonable, but I had to take my frustration at not being able to help Nessa out on someone. 

"Bellamy, don't" Clarke interrupted, stopping me from advancing. "Whatever this thing is, it spreads through contact." Well, I had already touched Nessa, and there was no way I was leaving her. But all my anger seemed to deflate as she coughed weakly again, and I knelt next to her. I picked up the cloth Clarke had discarded and wiped more of the blood off of her face. I heard Finn come in, concerned for Clarke's safety, and I heard her tell him to get out. They started to talk, but I didn't listen. I was too concerned with making sure Nessa was still breathing. Her eyelids were fluttering and her breath rasped in and out. She seemed to notice me sitting there for the first time, and she smiled. Her mouth was covered in blood, but I was glad she could still smile. 

"Bet I look pretty good right now, don't I," she rasped weakly. I laughed. Only Nessa would still have the energy to be sarcastic while she was on her death bed. Suddenly there was commotion next to us. Derek was heaving up blood, more violently than I had seen yet. Clarke rushed over and tried to help him but it was clear she didn't know what to do. Finally he lay still, facedown on the floor. He was too quiet. Clarke reached down and touched his neck.

"Is he-?" I asked, fearing the worst.

Clarke stared at me. I saw the helplessness I felt mirrored in her face. "He's dead." 

I turned back to Nessa. Her eyes were closed, but I could still see her chest rising and falling. Just barely. "Please don't die," I whispered. "Please don't leave me."