Love to Hate [1]

If you could get me a drink of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded.

Song: Cancer // My Chemical Romance

Nessa's POV

The next time I woke up, my headache was gone. I felt weak, shaky, but otherwise perfectly fine. I noticed the drop ship had become significantly more crowded since I had passed out. Sick kids were lying everywhere, coughing intermittently. The air smelled of death and sickness. My throat was bone dry, my lips were chapped, and I needed water. Shakily, I sat up. I saw a cup lying on the ground next to me filled with what looked like water. I immediately snatched it up and gulped it all down. Wiping the water from my mouth, I looked around the drop ship again, trying to figure out who else was sick. I saw Clarke lying in a hammock. She seemed to be barely conscious. Murphy was helping Connor who was retching up blood in the corner. And Octavia was bent over someone, whispering to them and wiping their head with a wet cloth. She shifted and I saw who she was taking care of - 

Bellamy. No.

She finished what she was saying, squeezed his hand, and got up to leave the drop ship. As soon as she left, I crawled over to Bellamy.

"Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes," I said. I tried to keep my voice light even though the sight of him like this made me feel inexplicably helpless and scared. He looked up at me, blood covering his face. His eyes grew wide. "You just had to stay and take care of me. That chivalry is gonna get you killed someday, you know that?"

"Nessa? You're okay?" he breathed.

I picked up the cloth Octavia had left and continued wiping his face. "Yeah, I'm okay. It's gonna take more than a deadly virus to kill me. Sorry, but you're stuck with me." I tried to get him to smile, to take his mind off the pain I knew he was feeling. 

It worked. He gave a weak chuckle. "I'm glad it didn't kill your sense of humor," he said. Then he started to cough, which turned into dry heaves, which turned into retching blood. I turned him on his side, to clear his airways while he heaved it all up. 

"Shh, shh, you're gonna be ok," I said soothingly, rubbing his back. When the retching stopped, he rolled onto his back again. Surprisingly, he grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. 

"Please don't leave. I'm scared," he whispered so quietly I could barely hear.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said, squeezing his hand in response.

Bellamy's POV

I kept fading in and out of consciousness. I struggled to stay awake for longer than a few seconds, but each time I opened my eyes, Nessa was still sitting next to me, holding tightly to my hand. Knowing she was there and healthy, that she hadn't left me, made me feel just a little less scared. I didn't want to die. 

Finally I woke up and was able to stay awake. I sat up cautiously, not wanting to trigger another blood-heaving episode. Nessa, who seemed to have dozed off against the wall of the drop ship, immediately became alert as I moved next to her. 

"How are you feeling?" She asked, genuine concern in her eyes. It was such a different look from the hate-filled one she had always given me up until a few days ago that it caught me off guard. 

"Better, but still pretty shitty," I responded. My head didn't feel like it was being chopped open with an axe anymore - more like stabbed with a dull knife. I was through the worst of it - knock on wood. 

"Here, drink this," I heard a voice from behind me. I turned and saw Murphy holding a cup of water out to me. My throat felt like a desert, but there was no way I was accepting anything from that asshole. 

"Get the hell away from me," I growled, pushing him away. 

Nessa grabbed my arm. "Hey, Bellamy, he's just trying to help. You need to drink something." I looked at her and then turned to Murphy, grabbing the cup from his hand grudgingly. I gulped the water down, and it tasted like nothing I had tasted before. When I had finished the cup I turned to Murphy again, wiping blood and water from my face.

"When I get better, if you're still here," I started, but before I could finish Clarke walked up and put a hand on Murphy's shoulder.

"Hey, I got this one," she said. Murphy nodded, standing up and walking away. Clarke took his place, settling next to me. She looked like Nessa - weak and definitely not healthy - but no longer about to die.

Nessa grabbed my empty cup from the ground. "I'm gonna go refill this," she said quietly, leaving the drop ship. I wanted to tell her to stay, but I also needed to talk to Clarke. 

"You feeling better?" I asked her. She nodded. "Good." I cleared my throat. "Have you seen Octavia?"

"She was up all night helping people. Murphy gave her a break," Clarke responded.

I snorted. "Don't tell me you trust him now." It was almost comical. How could Clarke trust him after what he had done to Charlotte?

She shook her head. "Trust? No. I do believe in second chances, though." I stared at her for a while. I thought of Nessa, giving me much more than just a second chance, after I had continuously let her down or hurt her. As much as I hated to admit it, Clarke was right. 

Nessa's POV 

It was as if a hush had fallen over the camp. By now I had heard the full story - the Grounders had sent Murphy in as a sort of biological weapon, to weaken us so we were unprepared to face their attack, which would come at dawn. Oddly, I wasn't terrified by this news. I'd rather die fighting Grounders in the fresh air than puking up blood in a cramped, dark metal box that smelled of death. We also did have one ray of hope. Finn and Jasper had taken a bomb Raven had made and were trying to blow up the Grounders' fastest way of getting to us, hopefully buying us much needed time. Belief that they'd pull it off, however, was not very high. Bellamy and Clarke had ordered everyone to get into the drop ship, thinking that maybe the Grounders would think we had left. But I couldn't stay in there any longer, surrounded by kids hovering on the edge between life and death. If I was gonna die, it was going to be in the sun. So I had grabbed my bow and arrows and settled myself on top of the drop ship, letting the metal warm my back. Waiting to see if Finn and Jasper succeeded or not. 

"Nessa! What the hell are you doing!" I heard a familiar voice bark from below me. I peered over the edge of the drop ship and saw Bellamy looking up. The other kids were behind him, filing in the drop ship doors.

"Well looks like someone's their old bossy self again," I called down, smirking. 

"This isn't funny, Nessa, I swear to God. Get in the drop ship, now," he ordered.

I pretended to think about it for a few seconds. "Hmm. I'm gonna go with...no. But have fun in there!" I waved and sat back. 

"Damn it, Nessa! It's not safe, the Grounders are coming," he yelled, clearly exasperated. Part of me was touched by his obvious concern, part of me was annoyed for still treating me like his little sister, like I needed him to protect me. His heart was in the right place but I was a big girl, I could make decisions for myself.

"Well, they're gonna come whether or not I get in the drop ship. And I'd rather go down fighting than hiding in yet another dark, cramped metal box. I've done enough of that in my life, so no thank you," I responded, finished with this conversation. Bellamy looked as if he was going to respond when a loud boom sounded from the forest. I whipped my head around and saw a huge plum of smoke billowing up from where the bridge was located. It formed almost a mushroom shape, filling the sky and blotting out the sun. 

I thought of what my dad taught me about the people who first invented the atomic bomb. "I am become death," I whispered to myself as I watched the mushroom grow. "Destroyer of worlds."

What had we just become?