Love to Hate [1]

Wherever you are is the place I belong.

Song: Ready to Run // One Direction

Bellamy's POV

Raven screamed in pain as Clarke pressed the hot blade to the bullet wound on her stomach. I heard Nessa's sharp intake of breath next to me at the sound of Raven's skin sizzling at the contact and grabbed her hand reassuringly. "That should stop the external bleeding," Clarke said softly as she put the knife down. Although Clarke's words sounded reassuring, it was what she didn't say that had us all worried. Raven's wound may be closed but there was no telling what the bullet had done to her on the inside. 

"How the hell did Murphy get a gun?" Finn demanded. I glanced at Nessa. The bruise from Murphy's noose stood out in stark relief against her pale skin and I felt another surge of rage towards Murphy. If the Grounders didn't kill him, I was going to track him down after this was all over and end him.

"It's a long story," I replied gruffly. 

Raven groaned in pain, clutching Finn's hand. "We're lucky," she managed to spit out. "If Murphy had hit the fuel tank instead of me we'd all be dead."

I saw a plan forming on Clarke's face. "Wait, there's rocket fuel down there?" She asked Raven. "Enough to build a bomb?" I liked where this was going.

"Enough to build a hundred bombs," Raven replied. "If we had any gunpowder left." My heart sank. Another thing to thank Murphy for.

I cleared my throat. "Let's get back to the Reapers." I gestured to Lincoln's sketchbook Nessa was clutching in her hands. We had opened it to his drawings of the fierce, bloodthirsty Reapers. I shivered at the thought of encountering them anytime soon, but I had a plan of my own. "What if they can help us?"

Nessa nodded. "It makes sense. I mean, the enemy of the enemy is my friend, right?" She looked at me before addressing Clarke and Finn. They exchanged wary glances. Clarke shook her head.

"Not this enemy. We saw them and, trust me, that's not an option," she said grimly. Nessa's face fell. I squeezed her hand again.

"We don't have time for this," Finn said urgently. "Can she walk or not?" He asked Clarke, gesturing to Raven. Clarke shook her head again.

"We'll have to carry her."

Raven started to sit up, a determined look on her face. "Like hell you will, I'm good to go." She cried out in pain again as Clarke pushed her back down. 

"Listen to me," Clarke demanded. "That bullet is still inside you. If by some miracle there's no internal bleeding, it might hold until we get somewhere safe. But you are not walking there, is that clear?" Raven hesitated before nodding and lying back down. 

Finn turned to leave. "I'll get the stretcher."

"Can't run away fast enough, huh?" I called to his retreating back. "Real brave." I knew it was a stupid thing to say, but I was so angry at the situation I couldn't help it. We were making the wrong move, and no on in this godforsaken camp could see that.

Nessa stepped in front of me and placed a hand on my chest, trying to push me back and keep me from confronting Finn. She was so much smaller than me it was almost absurd that she thought she could keep me from going anywhere. But I looked down into her pleading green eyes. "Bellamy, don't. This is not the time," she whispered. 

I almost decided to back down then but Finn turned around to face me. "Going into a fight you can't win isn't brave, Bellamy. It's stupid."

I pushed past Nessa and walked forward until I was face to face with Finn. "Spoken like every coward who's ever run from a fight," I snarled. We stared at each other for a few seconds, waiting for the other to say something.

Nessa stepped between us, pushing us away from each other. Her head barely brushed my chin. "That's enough, guys. We don't have time for your testosterone-fueled displays of masculinity. If we're leaving, it needs to be now." I clenched my jaw and looked away from Finn and down at her. Her eyes were blazing, and I recognized that she was pissed. My gaze softened. I didn't want to argue with her, but I wasn't going to be satisfied until Finn and Clarke heard what I had to say. 

"If they follow?" I forced my gaze away from Nessa's and turned to look at Clarke instead. "It's a hundred and twenty mile walk to the ocean..."

Finn cut me off. "We're wasting time. If you want to stay, then stay," he ended furiously, stalking out of the drop ship. Clarke followed him out, telling him to stop, leaving me with Nessa and Raven.

Nessa seemed to be reading my mind, like she always seemed to be able to do. "No, you cannot stay," she insisted. "You know that Clarke can't lead them all on her own, and I'm sorry if I'm not going to sit by and let you commit suicide! Because you know if you stay while everyone leaves, you're as good as dead. And I can't live with that. So for once stop being a selfish asshat and think about someone else!" She was yelling at me by the end, shoving me back. God, I loved this girl, but she could be infuriating.

"They didn't even protest when Clarke told them to go! Obviously they don't listen to me, she seems to be doing a fine job by herself!" I yelled back. This was such a stupid argument to be having, especially after the conversation we had just had outside the drop ship, but I was so frustrated with everyone always following Clarke's every command and not stopping to think what was really right. 

Nessa grit her teeth in frustration. "That's because Clarke's option was easy! And five seconds before she started talking, they were all fired up and ready to fight! They were ready to die, Bellamy! And that was all you. Not Clarke, not Finn. You. Now admit that we all need you and get on board. We need to be in this together," she finished quietly, and I knew that she wasn't talking about the hundred at that point. We stared at each other for a few more seconds before I finally sighed and nodded. "Good," she said, flashing me a small smile. She walked over to me and stood on her toes to plant a brief kiss on my cheek before leaving the drop ship to pack her stuff. I couldn't help but smile at her retreating figure. She was right, as always. As long as we were together, I knew I was making the right choice. 

Nessa's POV

We were really doing it. We were leaving camp behind, venturing out into the unknown. As the hundred poured out of the open gates, the people with guns leading the way, I stood with Bellamy as he stared at what had been our home for so long. My arm was around his waist and his was slung across my shoulders, head resting on mine. I could feel the tension in his body, and knew he was going against every instinct by running away. But it had to be the right decision, to make sure we lived at least one more day. 

As the last few people exited the gates, I saw Clarke walk over to us. I looked up at Bellamy. "Hey, it's time to go," I said softly. He tore his eyes away from the drop ship and looked at me. I saw so much pain in his brown eyes. He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, even when he didn't need to, and refused to share it with anyone. I wanted nothing more than to run with him, run to where no one could hurt us anymore. But we couldn't. We had a responsibility to our people. We began to walk towards Clarke, hand in hand.

She obviously saw the tortured look on Bellamy's face as well. "You did good here, Bellamy," she reassured him. 

He didn't reply for a few seconds. "Eighteen dead," he said stonily.

I squeezed his hand. "And eighty-two still alive. That's more than what the Ark ever expected of us when they sent us down here to die." I met Clarke's eyes and we both nodded to each other. I realized with a jolt that I had never shared Reagan's revelation with her. With everything that had happened since then I hadn't gotten the chance. She was my half sister, our mom had probably died when the Exodus ship crashed, and she might never know the truth. But now also wasn't the time. When we were safe there would be time for things like that. Bellamy released my hand and turned to grab a bucket of water sitting on the ground near us. He dumped its contents over the fire and doused it. The fire that had been burning constantly since we had landed on the ground - what felt like centuries ago. It was more than just putting out the fire. It signified that we were moving on. To what, I wasn't sure. Bellamy grabbed my hand again and he, Clarke and I walked out of the gates. Bellamy and I looked at each other and smiled. As long as we had each other we could conquer whatever was in our way.