Love to Hate [1]

I know it'll kill me when it's over.

Song: Love You Now // John Legend

Bellamy's POV

Now that we had a plan that was sure to beat the Grounders, I felt a renewed sense of purpose. This wasn't a hopeless, one-sided fight anymore. We were going to win. I glanced at Nessa crouched in the foxhole next to me. Her bow was strung and she pointed an arrow into the darkened forest ahead of her, her body as tight as the bowstring. I thought of the first time I had met her, back on The Ark. She had been even smaller back then, but still a survivor. I smiled as I remembered her defiance in the face of Councillor Marcus Kane. Stupid, but brave. 

Life had hardened her to the world. Everything had been taken from her, and because of this she had learned to never let her guard down and show only a tough exterior. She wanted everyone to think she couldn't feel because that was easier. But I had seen through those walls just like she had seen through mine, and she had finally decided to let me in. Aside from Octavia, there was no one other than Nessa that I had ever been so open with or who knew my true feelings. It was scary revealing that much to someone else, putting that much trust in them. And I was the only one she had decided to be vulnerable around. That was what made me love her. She was tough and a hell of a fighter. But around me it all fell away and I saw a beautiful girl who just needed someone to be there for her and never leave. And I was going to be that person. I was never, ever, leaving her side. 

She caught me staring at her and shot me a weird look. "Stop looking at me like that you're creeping me out. Plus, we're supposed to be watching for Grounders. I mean, we are at war if you didn't remember," she scolded, but I could hear the laugh in her voice. 

I chuckled. "Oh, you know, I forgot there were trained, bloodthirsty killers after us. You're just so distracting," I teased. 

She pretended to roll her eyes, but I saw the blush on her cheeks. "I know that, Blake, but you're going to have to control yourself." She tossed her mane of red hair over her shoulder. She was so beautiful. I had always thought so, but there had always been the problem of her hating my guts. And now that we finally were on the same page, we might die tonight. 

Nessa's POV

I could still feel Bellamy's eyes on me and I felt the color rising in my cheeks. He was the one distracting me now. I should not be thinking about this when we were potentially about to be attacked by Grounders. When we could die at any time. But the fact was I wanted him. I had spent so long hating him, then not knowing how I felt about him. Now that I had figured it all out it could be taken away tonight. 

I tried to ease the obvious tension between us. "Bell, I'm serious. Eyes on the forest. If we get killed by a Grounder because you're too busy looking at me, I swear I'm going to kill you."

I heard him laugh lightly. "Whatever you say, sweetheart." He tried to sound light and sarcastic, but I could hear the longing in his voice. We lapsed back into a charged silence. Finally, he broke the tension.

"I guess I never really apologized," I heard him say, his tone serious, his voice low and husky. "For what I did to you on the Ark. For getting you arrested." I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Did he seriously want to talk about this right now? Fine. If Grounders snuck up on us, that was on him. But there were enough other people looking out into the forest that we could afford a few minutes for conversation. I turned away from the opening in the foxhole and lowered my bow and arrow to the ground. We both sat cross-legged across from each other.

"You know you don't need to apologize for that," I reassured him. "I kinda figured we had moved passed that. Plus, my life up there until that point wasn't all that fulfilling. I was alive, yes, but there was no purpose. What would I have done - lived in the vents for the rest of my life? Never meeting another human being? What would the point of that be? I hated you so much and for so long but now I realize getting arrested was probably the best thing that happened to me. If it hadn't happened, I never would have been sent down here. Yeah, it's been hell and we may die tomorrow," I turned again to look out at the forest. The beauty of the ground would never cease to amaze me. "But I would rather die tomorrow then have lived the rest of my life trapped on the Ark, having never seen the ground."

I heard Bellamy move closer to me and turned to face him again. He cradled my face in his hands and studied my face intensely. "I would rather die tomorrow then have lived the rest of my life not knowing you," he breathed. I inhaled sharply. We had expressed our feelings for each other, but I hadn't truly stopped to realize how deep they were. Bellamy pulled my face closer and brought his lips to mine. It was a soft, lingering kiss, but neither of us were satisfied. We sat with our faces inches apart, eyes closed, for a few seconds before our lips collided again hungrily. My hands fisted in his hair and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I had never had anyone who I loved so ardently, and who felt the same for me, and I never wanted to lose him. But the unhappy truth was the Grounders would be on us in the morning. But if this was our last night together, we were going to make it count. 

Sooooo I'm having the Grounder battle occur the next morning just so Nessa and Bellamy can have there cute "last night" moment. I know I don't do a lot of these author note thingies but this is my first time writing something like this and I see that people are actually reading this and I hope you're enjoying it as much as I'm enjoying writing it. Nessamy for life <3 honestly I love them so much my heart hurts I hope you love them too