Love to Hate [1]

I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.

Song: Take Me to Church // Hozier

Nessa's POV

We were going after Jasper. Clarke had tried to reason with everyone, and yet again they were persuaded by Bellamy's rousing "the grounders should worry about us" speech. How many times would Clarke and Wells try to save these people before they gave up and realized it was hopeless? It had only taken me one time to see that. Bellamy was too good at lying.

Afterwards, I had approached Clarke. "You're going after him, right? After Jasper?" She nodded. "Good, then I'm coming with you."

At this she stopped. "What's your name?"

"Nessa." I responded, holding out my hand.

She shook it, eyeing me warily. "The one who hid in the vents for ten years?" I nodded. She gestured to my bow. "Know how to use that?" I nodded again. "Good. Gather supplies. We leave as soon as possible." Then she walked off. Sick. Now I could help Jasper and get away from Bellamy for a while. Because there's no way he would be interested in going to save someone other than himself. 

***

God fucking damn it. Bellamy had to have his one moment as a hero, or as Clarke accurately said, to prove to the others he really wasn't afraid of the grounders. Which is how I found myself, instead of getting away from him, walking into the forest with him and Murphy. Lucky me. I walked several feet behind them, preferring to keep Murphy where I could see him. He still hadn't gotten over me almost shooting him earlier - and I hadn't forgotten his responding blows. I even had a black eye as a souvenir. I heard the two whispering to each other and strained my ears, trying to pick up their conversation.

"Since when are we in the rescuing business?" Murphy asked, obviously annoyed he was being dragged on this tip. Well no one really wants you here anyway, I thought.

"The Ark thinks the prince is dead," Bellamy replied. "Once they think the princess is too, they'll never come down." My eyes widened. So that was why Bellamy had really agreed to come. "I'm getting that wristband," he added. "Even if I have to cut off her hand to do it."

Like hell you will. I sped up. "Do it and I'll kill you myself," I snarled. I tried to shove him with my shoulder as I walked by - but as he stood about a foot taller than me and 100 lbs. heavier I barely moved him. But I think I got my point across. He and Murphy stayed quiet after that.

We continued for several hours, Clarke never slowing down her relentless pace. If I hadn't been so worried about finding Jasper, I would have told her to slow down and appreciate the scenery. Having lived in dark, cramped spaces all my life, I don't think I'll ever get used to the smell of fresh air, the feeling of wide open space, and all this...green.

"Hey, what's the rush?" Bellamy called out from behind, breaking me out of my daydream. We looked back and he sauntered up, lazily waving his gun around as if to show off he had one and could use it any time on any one of us. My eyes narrowed and I tightened my grip on my bow. I remembered his earlier threats. "It's not like you survive a spear through the heart," he added. His eyes met my glare and he lowered his gun a little, clearly also remembering my threat from earlier. Good.

"Put the gun away, Bellamy," Wells ordered.

"Why don't you do something about it," Murphy threatened, shoving him back.

Clarke waited for their scuffle to end, clearly as exasperated as I was at their continuous testosterone-fueled antics. "Jasper screamed when they moved him," she said in response to Bellamy's earlier question. "If the spear struck his heart he'd have died instantly. Doesn't mean we have time to waste." She started to turn away but Bellamy grabbed her wrist. I turned, my hand on my knife, ready to slit his throat if he made the wrong move.

"Soon as you take this wristband off," he smiled at her. "We can go."

She ripped her arm out of his grasp. "Let's get something straight here," she said, dangerously soft. She got close to Bellamy's face. "The only way The Ark is going to think I'm dead, is if I'm dead. Got it?"

He laughed and took a step back. "Brave princess," he sneered, stalking towards her again threateningly.

Before I could make a move towards him, a voice rang out. "Why don't you find your own nickname?" We all turned and saw Finn striding towards us. "You call this a rescue party?" he asked. "We need to split up, cover more ground. Clarke, you're coming with me." He grabbed her arm and led her quickly away. Smart, Spacewalker. I smirked, which immediately turned to a scowl with the next words out of Bellamy's mouth.

"Murphy, go with Wells. Me and red here have things to discuss." Red? Really? These boys were just a minefield of creative nicknames. Murphy smirked and nodded, heading off in the opposite direction as Finn and Clarke. Wells shot me a look of worry and caution before following after him. 

"Alright, sweetheart," Bellamy said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Let's go find your boyfriend."

I rolled my eyes. "One, do you ever use people's actual name? Two, Jasper isn't my boyfriend. And three, if you're trying to scare or intimidate me right now it's not working." That last part was kind of a lie. Knowing that Bellamy had a gun and that I was one of the few other than Clarke with my wristband on made me a little anxious. The fact that we were alone now didn't make it any better. But there was no way I'd give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

"I think I'm plenty scary," he leered at me, coming way too close, backing me up until my back hit a tree. I must have looked a little frightened then because he laughed and backed up. "I knew it. Not as tough as you want everyone to think." He started to walk away.

Taking a few deep breaths to calm my racing pulse, I then jogged after him. Once I fell in stride next to him, he spoke again, "Don't worry, I don't care about your wristband." I mentally breathed a sigh of relief. "It's not like you have anyone up there particularly caring whether or not you're alive." He stopped, realizing what he said. "Wait, I didn't mean-"

I didn't let him finish, turning him and punching him right in the face. "Asshole," I breathed. My hand screamed in pain but I got a slight sense of satisfaction at the blood trickling down his nose.

"Well," he said, gingerly touching his nose and wincing. "I have to hand it to you. You are a lot stronger than you look, sweetheart."

I couldn't help the smile that ghosted across my face. We continued to walk until he spoke again. "Listen, Nessa, I've been meaning to-" He was cut off by a shout in the distance.

"Guys! Over here! We found something!" It was Clarke. We took off running. Please let Jasper be okay, I thought.