"Positive." The nurse says and Becca automatically says, "Yes!" So loudly. "The baby is fine. You're actually three months." She says and my mouth turns into a big O. "What?" I ask. I was still surprised. "Yes. Congratulations." She says. I stare at Becca. "I'm not ready for this." I keep repeating to her. "Can we go over to your house? I really don't want to tell anyone yet." I tell her in the car. "My gosh. I thought I was ready. I feel not myself. Becca." I turn and look at her. I didn't feel all that good. "Come on Liz. Don't cry on me. We both know you'll be happier." She says and glances at me. "Not alone. My gosh." I say, putting a hand on my mouth. "It's going to be okay Liz. Seriously." She says. "I'm okay. I'm five months." She says and I sigh. "I was really hoping I wasn't this far into the pregnancy." I say. She laughs. "It's okay. I'll help. We'll all help. You don't look like it the least bit." She says. "People say that you start to look like it at four months." I say. She nods and glances down at her stomach once. "Yeah." I smile at her. She still looked like Becca, and acted like her. We pull up into her drive way. She and her husband had bought a house together. Becca had told me they got married. I was happy for them. We head on in, and sit in the living room. Their house was beautiful. We talk, about everything. I mean, what has happened after high school, work, and just... We hung out. I never really got to do that anymore. It was really odd to be honest... "Thanks Becca. I really have to get home." I say at 5:30. I needed to get ready for the pack meeting. Becca drops me off home and I go inside. I felt dizzy, I mean really dizzy. The kind of dizzy where your on a ride and just want to get off already, but it's barely half over? That kind. "Hey Sam. Emily." I say. Going into the guest room, where Raina slept next to me, and was sleeping now. I kiss her temple, which was the only skin showing since she slept on her side, wrapped all around in the blanket. I pull down the blanket a bit more, and leave the room. I had ten more minutes till the pack meeting started. I get in the car and drive to the pack meeting spot. I didn't feel well at all. I needed to stop thinking. I knew it was bad to think about this, but before I moved to Forks, or La Push in general, I smoked. It wasn't a good habit, that's why I quit. I feel all of that need and want for a cigarette. Not a cigarette, but for something else. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, so I try to ignore it. I arrive and park, getting out of the car, and walking into the woods. I walk in, strip myself farther away from the guys and transform quickly. I felt someone there. It wasn't a good feeling. My stomach felt odd, but I keep my mind far away. Only thinking about the basic things. Like I was bored to death, or tired. Or how something smelled awful. But if someone dug even the slightest bit deeper, and felt what I felt, they would know something was wrong. I was pregnant and I my husband was dead. That's what was wrong. I don't think this outloud, but in the darkest pit of my mind. Where all secrets lay, and everything was negative. It's where I was then, but I hid it with small things.
