All I could think of was: Why me? Why did it always have to be me?
I knew it wasn't always me, but it seemed like it. First my parents, then Aiden and Lindsey, and now the girls? I didn't want to think of what happened now. I just wanted to know why. Why? Why, why, why? Why was it me? I didn't know who to talk about it. I tried cutting when I was younger. I tried being open. Look where it got me? So was this the end? Because it seemed a whole lot like it. If we made it out, I'm going to sell this house, and move away. Was it the pack? Oh how I hated my life. I knew it would end badly. Why not save the trouble? Nothing will save me now. I knew that now. I just wanted to feel safe now. Why did it happen now? I stare forward, at the house thinking dreaded thoughts. The gun shots were over, and I was sitting, alone. I felt weak, and bones. I wanted to die. Dread. Weakness. The emotions that were now permanent. Weren't they already? I think all of a sudden. I sigh. It wasn't calm. It wasn't impatient. It was annoyed. I was angry at everything. They bring out a gurney. It was covered, and bloody. That's what they did to people that had died. I literally stand up and grab Morgan by one shoulder. "What happened?" I ask him, so... "Sit down." He says. I give him a serious look. He gives me another. I stand, waiting. I was too worried. "Their fine. Crying, but fine. A few small scartches. They're going just for us to check them out. You can come. He says. I grab him into a hug and begin to sob. Why, and how could this happen? Why including the pack?! Why during a pack meeting, and just to make me hate The Pack even more? I couldn't change what I was. But I could change my place in it. I was NOT going to stand there and let me life fall apart like a sad movie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~One Year Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who would've known? My life was like a book. I didn't let it fall apart. I got engaged, with someone me and the girls loved. Yes, his name was Joey. We had moved into his house, and were living the best life, possible. He knows The Pack secret. We got married a little after. The wedding came and went. Too much happened. Raina finished High School, and was in school studying to be in the BAU. I told her it would be tough and long, but she said she didn't care. It was closer to work. I kept modeling, and got thinner, and thinner. It wasn't bad, but wasn't 'great' either. I wasn't stuggling like before. I smiled every once in a while. It wasn't horrible. I'm still working on you. You're my book. You've gotten too long. Almost eighty pages. I won't end you though. I've written my feelings in here. It has too many memories to let go. Nobody knows about you though. All I feel now is pure relaxed. One year ago, I wouldn't have thought relaxed ever. Tomarrow I will smile more. I have to work a double shift at the BAU, and a triple shift with Christina. It wasn't very helpful to think about it before it happened.
