(XIV) Untrustworthy

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     Life goes on.

     I actually enjoyed my first suspension.  I worked closely with my team at KAT as we prepared for our debut in Nordstrom along with our first commercial. I even got through my first photo shoot.


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     I was proud to be the face of the company

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I was proud to be the face of the company.

     Everything was happening so fast but I was focused.  And to be honest, if I had still been crying over Michael and Prince, I don't think I would've gotten through it all.  But I did.

     When I went back to working for Michael, it was kind of weird.  Awkward, actually.  I really needed to speak with him alone but it was impossible for me to grab his sole attention.  When I called his house, I never could get through to him.  The last thing I wanted to do was apologize.  I was still offended at his 'I'm not surprised' comment, as if he was waiting for me to fuck up. 

     The real reason I wanted to get him alone was to hand over the bracelet he gave me.  I felt so dirty and paranoid with it.

     As for Prince, he and I kept in touch over the telephone.  We weren't talking every night but often.

     It had only been about three weeks since I was last with him but I found myself going crazy missing him, even finding him in my dreams. 

     And at that point, we found ourselves back at square one.  There was no commitment but obviously something heavy between us—heavier than before.  We wouldn't hang up the phone without saying, 'I love you.'


August 20, 1983

3:23 a.m.


     I groaned as my telephone rang in the wee hours of the morning.  I reached over my bed and snatched the phone.  "Hello?" I said, putting it to my ear.

     "Kat, it's Michael."

     The time on my radio clock came into focus.  We were both in the same city.  There was no excuse for him calling me at such an inconsiderate time.  "Michael, why are you calling me so late?"

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