The Beautiful Katastrophe

(XXII) Round 3

December 31, 1983

8:04 p.m.

54 Days Later...

I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm wading. I'm drowning as I grieve. Please, someone teach me how to breathe. Teach me how to fly. I'm a bird without its wings. I want to love but I can't do such a thing. My heart only bleeds for you. So, tell me what you need me to do. I'm so good at running away. But for once I want you to just make me stay. I stand defenseless deep in your bright eyes. I surrender my all to you and sever all ties. Baby, all I need is you. Please, tell me what you need me to do...

"I can't do this." Lizzie was sitting on my bed with me, reading my journal. "I don't know how to rhyme like this."

I snatched the book from her. "It doesn't have to rhyme." I was flipping through the pages to show her another example of how to release her emotions with words.

My heart has healed over in stone. I am numb. I am broken. I am a mess. I am scattering myself and looking for a mender. But the only one who can peace me properly is the creator. Why do you break hearts? To see what's inside? What's inside? International Lover. International Heartbreaker. Do you feed off them? When will your appetite be satisfied? When, ever? Probably never. You're an animal with no limits. So I say...In order to love, we must rid all boundaries—in order to live. In order to work, we must make our own rules—in order to survive.

We're insane. In sync. For everything I feel for you is forever...

"Wow, Kat. If you look in my journal, you'll see 'I went to the mall today and found a really cute shirt on sale.'"

I laughed and took my book back. "If you want to be a songwriter, you have to start somewhere. Poetry will be good for you."

"But I feel like I haven't experienced enough yet to get that deep, you know. I've never been heartbroken." She was actually currently in love with her high school sweetheart. They were three years strong now.

"So write about your fears. What's your greatest fear?"

"Being on the stage without my sister by my side."

"Liz..." I thought she would say losing Eric, her boyfriend. "You love being on stage."

"No, I don't. I loved it when I was with you. Now, I feel naked and I can't bring myself to my highest potential anymore. Why do you think I haven't been signed yet?" she laughed.

I shrugged. "I'm sorry." I was so caught up with myself I didn't realize my little sister was struggling.

"You're so confidant, Kat. I wish I had it in me."

"You do!"

"But only when I'm with you! I feed off of your energy."

My sisters vocal coach once told me my voice was youthful and sweet. When Prince heard me singing one day, he told me it was sultry and sexy. To me, it was karaoke. I was way too dramatic when I sang to ever be taken seriously.

But my sister was a different story. She could really blow when she had the balls to. I got the dancing talent while she got the vocals. We evened out, I guess.

"I want you to sing with me," she said.

"No. But-" I said pointing towards her. "Maybe you need a partner. Someone else. You'll be better as a duo."