The Beautiful Katastrophe

(XXVIII) Automatic Fools

     My trip back home caused major shifts in my schedule; but it was all worth it.  I'm happy I went when I did because all that mattered was seeing my grandfather that one last time.

     The next morning, my cousins came in my room to wake me.  My grandmother called and mentioned we should probably head over the house.

     Less than hour of being there, we watched my great-grandfather take his last breath. 

     He was the Desmond family's backbone.  So, now we had to be strong for each other. 

     Over the course of the next few days, I was planning the funeral with grandmother.  I was also constantly checking on Prince.  Since he couldn't sit still and rest like I asked when I left, he now had laryngitis. 

     It was so hard to put my foot down all the way on the other side of the country, but with Lisa's help, I had him locked up in his suite.  The last thing I needed was him straining his voice and damaging those precious vocal cords. 

     He tried to plead with me, saying he would just play, not sing.  But I didn't think it was wise for him to be in the studio at all.  He needed to just rest and take care of his body.

     It took a day, but finally, he listened and he stayed put.  The suckiest part about it was that I couldn't talk to him.  I mean, I called maybe twice a day just to hear him moan and groan but there was no real conversation.

     On Sunday, February 4th, we held the funeral at Bethlehem Baptist Church.  I hate funerals—not to think that there are people who love them; but growing up, I always backed out from attending them.  Unless you were someone I was strongly close to, I couldn't bring myself to show up.  My mother was the type to go to her coworker's sister's best friend's funeral.  Not me.  The agonizing feeling of losing someone, anyone, is one of the most painful I've ever felt.  And also, I hate to see people cry.

     I told Lizzie years before, when I die, I don't want a funeral.  I want a celebration.  I lived, I loved, and I'm on to the next life.  Don't cry and sing sad songs for me.  The best thing you can do is dance.

     But my grandfather's funeral was nothing like that.  It was hard for everyone.  We saw it coming but I guess nothing can really prepare you for losing someone you love so deeply.

~*~

     My grandmother spent the last few years taking 24/7 care of her father.  So, now that he was gone, she felt a little lost.  She missed him but then realized she was free to do her own thing again.  So, I asked her, "What's something that you've always wanted to do?"  For her, I was going to make it happen. 

     I didn't expect for her to say vacation in Hawaii for a couple of weeks.  But a promise is a promise.

     So, instead of packing my bags to go back to Cali to my ill fiancé, I was heading out to Hawaii with my grandmother, parents, Pria and Lizzie and some cousins and uncles.  Yes, it was a pricey trip but thankfully, Pria stepped in and so did my father.  With all of our change put together, we had a thick clan of nineteen people to book flights and hotel rooms for.