Anything But Perfection

Daylight (13)

Quote: “You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.” 

― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

“Alison Rose Alistair! Where the hell are you?” Jennifer’s voice echoed through the phone. I nearly dropped it because it was too much on my poor ears. It was the next day and I had woken up late, like really late, due to my phone ringing. First I had tried to ignore it, thinking whoever it was would just stop and leave me a voicemail. But no, Jennifer was really stubborn. She wanted to talk and talk she would. I had trudged out of bed, still in my disheveled state and grabbed my phone.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m here,” I murmured sleepily as I sat down my bed.

“Where is here? Alison, where the hell are you?” Jennifer sounded annoyed and I didn’t want to deal with her. But I knew I couldn’t back out of it now. Shouldn’t have picked up in the first place.

“New York. Jennifer, please don’t shout,” I said groaning as I rubbed my eyes to chase the sleepiness away.

“New York? Seriously?” I could notice the hint of amusement and surprise in her voice.

“Yeah. I just needed to get away, you know,” I replied hoping she really knew. I didn’t want to explain it to her. I hoped she would understand.

“Oh. Yeah, I know. Umm..I’m sorry.” Jennifer’s voice was soft now. I nodded my head as tears filled my eyes.

“Yeah, me too,” I said as I wiped them away.

“Don’t you dare start crying, Alison. You’re stronger than you know.”

Yeah, right.

“I’m not,” I lied miserably. Jennifer knew me too well, she always saw right through me. I wasn’t a hard person to read.

“Yes you are. I don’t really know what to say,” she spoke after a few seconds.

“You don’t have to. I should have listened to you. I’m fine.” Even though, I trusted Jennifer with all my heart, I couldn't really tell her how I felt. Of course, she knew I was upset because I loved Jeremy so much but I still refused to open up to her. I refused to open up to anybody. I just wanted to be alone.

“No. It’s not your fault. You didn’t know. And you’re going to be fine. I just know it.” I knew what she was trying to do; make me feel better. More tears clouded my vision as I thought of him.

“Yeah, sure I am,” I replied as I rubbed my eyes.

“Yes you wait and see. Everything is going to be alright,”

“Just shut up. My life is the opposite of alright.” I was starting to get irritated now. I appreciated that she was trying to make me feel better but it just wasn’t working then.

“Okay. So? How’s New York City?” Jennifer asked, changing the subject. I was grateful for it.

“Same as always,” was all I managed to say.

“Did you meet anyone yet?”

“Not really.”

“Alison, go out. Just go out and try to have fun,” Jennifer encouraged. I rolled my eyes.

Is it really that simple?

“You know three years ago on your wedding day I told you ‘focus on your man’? Forget it. Now I’m telling you to focus on yourself. Go live your life.”