Anything But Perfection

Sunsetz (23)

We were so young and so free...and so happy.

It was around 3:30 am when I found myself getting out of bed. For the past week, I had been itching to see this room. It was my favorite room in the house or it had been before. Still I couldn't help wanting to see it again. It had been such a long time since I had been in here. It was like I wanted to relive the past memories. I missed them. I took my time inspecting the pictures and reliving the memories, remembering every single moment as if it had happened just yesterday.

The walls of the room were painted light blue. There were bean bags, a coffee table and a book shelf. Jeremy loved to read. When we were furnishing the room, he had insisted on having a mini-library. There were big glass windows which looked out to the sea. And the walls were filled with pictures. A hundred of them at least. There were even Polaroids that I had taken with my Polaroid camera back when we were in high school. The camera used to be my most valuable thing. I carried it everywhere with me.

Now looking at the pictures, I couldn't help thinking about how young I had been then. I was happy for the most part except for the time I lost my parents and brother in an accident. But Jeremy had been there for me and he had helped me get better. He had saved me from destroying myself. I could never forget this and this was probably why I found it so hard to hate him after what he had done to me. Jeremy had been there when I needed him the most.

I walked around the room, looking at the pictures in the moonlight streaming in from the windows. I hadn't bothered turning the lights on. It seemed like that would ruin the calm of the moment.

"I remember how much time we used to spend here."  A voice came from behind me and I jumped. 

It was Jeremy standing by the door, his black sweatshirt and pajamas looking even darker in the dim light of the room. His hair were tousled like he had been running his fingers through them all day. I hadn't seen him today. I didn't know what time he came home but I had retired for bed earlier than usual. I was so busy staring at him that I forgot to reply. It seemed like he didn't notice either as he walked into the room, closing the door behind him. He moved towards the pictures on the walls.

"It seems like a lifetime ago," he said, his voice low. I snapped out of the trance.

"It does," my own voice was unexpectedly soft. I watched his back as he sauntered along the length of the wall, looking at the pictures.

"Who knew this would happen to us?" I found myself questioning, feeling bolder by the minute.

There was something about the moonlight, the sound of the waves and the soft breeze coming from the windows that was making me feel alive. A certain calming feeling was descending over me. The kind where it feels like everything would somehow figure itself out. I didn't know why I was suddenly feeling this way. Maybe it was the past memories, the giddy beautiful ones combined with the feeling of him being so close. 

I missed him. 

Although I tried not to think about it, I knew I did miss him. When you spend half of your life with someone you couldn't just shake them off. You couldn't get them out of your veins that easily.

He was looking at the pictures, the ones I had been surveying just moments before. There was silence for a while before he answered.

"Obviously not us," he replied, turning to me. He looked at me.

"I wish we could fix this somehow," he continued. I could notice the pleading tone in his voice.

"Jeremy-" 

He cut me off and took a few steps towards me. I could see his face more clearly now. His blue eyes looked almost grey in the moonlight. The dark circles under his eyes indicated that he hadn't been getting much sleep tonight either.