(Jalex) The First Step Towards Repair

A Nightmare That Cut

Jesus. Okay. All I'm going to say that there's triggering parts in this fanfiction. I don't know. [throws hands in the air]

Enjoy.

Chapter 1

A handful of moments I wish I could change,

and a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade.

In a city of fools, I was careful and cool

But they tore me apart like a hurricane.

Alex

The sound of the fan whirring was the only thing I heard in the new school.

The silence was a bit unsettling. I'm not sure if I'm glad there's no one around, or if I should be afraid.

I was late for class, no doubt about that, but was it usually this quiet?

I found myself shivering a little. It wasn't the cold, though. It wasn't even cold.

...

I glanced around at the empty corridor, my eyes running through the rows of lockers before fixing my gaze onto my own.

A note was stuck onto the front. I jogged slowly towards my locker, glancing around me nervously before I removed the post-it note.

'Slit your wrists, you worthless shit,' was scrawled in a rather untidy writing. I crushed the paper into a ball, holding it firmly in my grip. It's just a writing. Don't let it get to you. Don't let it get to you. I shook my head and tossed the ball of paper onto the floor. You're worth more than that. Don't let it get to you.

I slid the combination for my lock, opening the door to the locker and grabbing out my stuff - a notebook, a pen and the book I needed for English class before quietly locking my other item in. I walked as quickly as I could to English class, but the bell rang just as I was about to enter. The door swung open and students came pouring out, and I felt something push me aside, causing me to stumble backwards. I let out a yelp of surprise as I regained my balance, my books nearly tumbling out of my grasp. I noticed a shadow loom over me and I trembled a little. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"So! The little fag is here to welcome us?"

I looked up and saw four people surrounding me, each large and muscular in build. Fuck.

I trembled even more; it was likely that they could see me shaking. They all laughed at me, before the one in the middle let out a scowl. "Answer me," he spat.

My lips were clamped shut and my grip on my books tightened. I was frozen in fear and my breathing started to quicken. No no no. Not now. Breathe, Gaskarth. Not now.

He growled, grabbing me roughly by the collar of my pullover and pulling me up. My things spilled out of my hands as I was dragged towards the line of lockers. I felt my back painfully slam against the lockers, squeezing my eyes tightly shut as I slid down the metal doors, curling into a pathetic ball. They threw punches and kicks at me as I whimpered. "Sorry, sorry," I muttered repeatedly, the tears streaming down my face as I tried to block as many of the blows as possible.

"Who wears a fucking hoodie in the summer?" one of them said loudly.

"Obviously he cuts," another hissed.

"Cut deeper, fag."

Cut deeper cut deeper cut deeper cut deeper

Cut deeper, fag.

These words echoed in my head. I choked out a sob as their laughter rang in my ears. These words were taunting me in my mind. Cut deeper cut deeper cut deeper.

You're better off dead.

*******

It got quiet again, this time the silence was something that comforted me. I rocked backwards and forwards a little, before slowly lifting my head and glancing around. There was no one in sight. The hallway was now dimly lit, and I noticed something gleaming from the corner of my eye. I turned around to look

It was not mistakable.

My comfort, my best friend.

I picked it up. Brought it across my wrist without hesitation. Reopening old scars and counting each new line as it appeared.

It got things off of my mind for a while.

Surrounded by a pool of red, I leaned against the lockers behind me, my eyelids drooping down slowly, the piece of metal clutched lightly in my arms. Soon, darkness enveloped me as I heard the distinctive sound of a bell.

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A/N: god, can we talk about how cringey my authors note was

i'll update my rewriting only whenever i feel like it bc that's when i'm genuinely writing properly because if i do it when i don't want to it's gonna be really sloppy and gross

also please please dont ever self harm ever okay it is the worst thing you are worth more than that believe me