Never Alone (Anime(Kpop) x reader) REQUESTS OPEN

Lay X Lonely!Reader

TRIGGER WARNING
You have been warned. If you can not stomach such things, DO NOT READ THEM!
And to the rest of you, welcome to my first one shot collection. It was requested by:

I hope I don't disappoint any of you. If you have any comments, requests or FRIENDLY advice, feel free to leave them in the comment section or on my profile. I will try to take everything into consideration. Thank you!
Now, on with the story.

Lay X Lonely!Reader

It is eating me alive....The loneliness.....It is weird, it shouldn't be this way. I have a loving boyfriend and yet...
I think I know the reason, but I don't really want to fix it. Or it's more like I am scared of how this solution will change my life. Although I truly love Xing, or as he is also known Lay, I can't help but feel there is a distance between us. Even when we are together. At first, I thought we were shy, but then I realized, I was creating the distance between us....
I was afraid of telling him about my past and he was kind enough not to ask. I had some terrible incidents happen in the past and I don't want him to freak out and leave me, but I guess because of that in the back of my mind I feel like this whole relationship is a lie and I feel as if I am all alone. Him being away on tours very often is killing me as well. I can't stand this inner turmoil and with him gone for some time already, I can't help but feel like just packing my bags and leaving. I don't want to feel so close to someone, yet be afraid of losing them the moment I let something about my past slip. Which has made me decide to leave. Xing should be back tomorrow, but by then I will be long gone. I think he deserves someone better, or at least someone who won't have to keep secrets from him.

You pack your things a write a note to Xing, leaving on your ling room table, where he would definitely find it.
You don't have that many things, so I take my bag a hurriedly walk out of the house before I can change my mind. It is late autumn and the strong cold wind and stormy clouds hanging above your head aren't helping you move forward one bit. Where are you going? You don't know. In search of happiness? Love? You had all of that? Why did you give it up? The loneliness was too much? But why is something still eating you alive? It isn't loneliness anymore...Guilt. Should you go back? Before he reads the note. Before he comes back. Before he finds out about all of the things you wrote in the note?

You can't help but slowly trudge back towards the house you soon won't be calling home ever again, but instead of returning to an empty home, you are met with a teary-eyed Xing rushing out of the gate and almost knocking you over. His breathing is heavy and it takes him a few seconds to process the fact, that you are the one standing in front of him, with your bag in your hand. He quickly wakes up and grabs you by your arm and drags you into your house before you can protest. He throws your bag on the floor and calmly tells you to take off your coat and shoes. Although his gaze betrays him and portrays how he really feels. You can see pain, anger and betrayal in his eyes and you lower your gaze to the floor. Once you are done taking off your coat and turn to put your shoes away, you once again feel his hand on your forearm dragging you into your shared bedroom. You guides you into the room and closes the door, turning around to look at you.

"So?"
"S-So what, L-Lay?"
He winces at the nickname.
He comes closer to you and cages you in his embrace, possessively holding your waist and looking into your eyes.
"Don't call me that."
"Oppa."
A small smile creeps onto his face, but is replaced with pain and he buries his face in the crook of your neck. He is acting so out of character that you wonder if your departure really had such an effect on him.
"What's wrong, Oppa?"
He looks up at you in disbelief.
"(Name), you just wrote a note saying you were leaving me! That's what's wrong! I thought you were happy with me. I thought you loved me-"
"-I do love you, Oppa!"
"Then why did you try to leave?"
"I couldn't tell you...."
"Tell me what?"
"I know this may sound ridiculous, that I would want to hide this from you, but for me it is something I am truly ashamed of and I can't help but feel terrified of telling you, because I am afraid you will leave me or worse, you will be disgusted....."
"What is it?"

At this moment he realizes that you are shaking. He tries to calm himself down and his gaze softens. He leads you towards the bed and sits down, with his back against the tall mountain of pillows that you had gathered over time, and motions for you to come sit with him. You carefully sit down between his legs and lay your head on his chest, while his strong arms wrap around your waist. After a few minutes you gather the courage to tell him your story. From time to time your tears or fear stop you, but he is there to help you by gently running his hands through your hair or intertwining your hands and kissing your knuckles. He doesn't say anything, just simply listens to you while you let everything out. You look at him from tie to time, half expecting to see some judgement, disgust or even just disappointment in his eyes, but all you can see is his caring gaze staring into your soul. You finish your story and then you see it: disappointment. You lower your head as tears start to gather in the corners of your eyes, but then he lifts your face up with his hand and plants a firm kiss on your lips.
"O-Oppa?"
"I could never be disappointed with you, (Name). I am only sad that you had thought that I would ever push you away for something like this. My only regret is that I hadn't found out about this sooner, that I couldn't help you through it."
"It's not your fault, Oppa. But you really aren't mad at me?"
"Of course no, (Name). I am a little sad that you thought that you had to leave me because you weren't good enough. To me, you are perfect, remember that."
His words force the tears that you had tried so hard to control to fall down your cheeks, but he is there to kiss them away and hug you tight. Which is when you finally feel that....you really aren't alone. The loneliness is gone and you feel so close you the person, whose arms are wrapped around you in a comforting embrace. You feel....complete.
"Oppa?"
"Yes, (Name)?"
"I love you."
You feel him plant a soft kiss on your head.
"I love you too, (Name)."