In My Veins

I Write Sins

Blaine was avoiding him. Not that Kurt minded, particularly, because he was mad at him. And it wasn't just a whim, Kurt was really mad at him for allowing what he did in what he claimed was 'his school'. He could have stopped it, Kurt knew that. The problem was that hewouldn't stop it and mostly because he believed that he couldn't. Kurt could see right through him. He was afraid. He didn't want people to think he was a nice guy, he wanted to be seen as a threat, because that was how he gained respect. It was also the only way he knew how to be.

Kurt had spent a lot of time thinking about it. A week passed and Blaine still hadn't spoken to him. During English, they ignored one another. Kurt used this time to think. Blaine obviously had some kind of emotional problem, whether it had to do with his parents, or his grades, or whatever else. He also had sexuality issues, obviously. Kurt didn't think he was ready to admit that, though. Maybe he never would be. From what Mercedes and the others in glee club told him, Blaine and Quinn had been an item for two years and it looked serious. Kurt didn't point out that Blaine, at least, obviously wasn't taking it very seriously if he had cheated on Quinn with him, but he was thinking it all the while.

Kurt was angry at Blaine, but try as he did, he didn't hate him—couldn't hate him. It was strange. Kurt found himself trying to figure Blaine out and thinking about him far more often than he really should have done. He liked Blaine, in some twisted way. Maybe he was a masochist. He didn't know. Blaine was an asshole and he treated Kurt like crap, but Kurt couldn't help but think back to how gentle he'd been when he'd first kissed him, how he'd uttered his name so quietly and how his heart had been beating so fast against Kurt's back that night. Kurt had tried to push it away, the memory of that night, but he couldn't. It wasn't going to go away, regardless of what he did and he didn't want to think of Blaine like this, he wanted to hate him, wanted to tell him to stay away from him, wanted to go to Mrs Flynn and beg her to reassign him a partner, but he couldn't do any of that.

He told himself then that he would make Blaine a sort of project. He wouldn't tell Blaine that, of course, but he would try to work him out and understand why he was the way he was. At least then he might have an excuse for not hating him. Beyond doing that, he wasn't really sure what else he could do. He wouldn't even try to help him, because Blaine clearly didn't want anyone to help him, but he would try to understand. Except Blaine was avoiding him, which left Kurt right back at square one. He was far too stubborn to be the first one to break the newly formed ice, so he would have to wait until Blaine got down off his high horse to do anything.

It was exactly a week and three days before that happened.

Blaine didn't understand why he was feeling what he was feeling. He still couldn't rid his stomach of that nagging, empty feeling and he had figured out why. He didn't understand it, but he'd figured it out. It had occurred to him while he was at Quinn's house and she was placing sloppy kisses on his neck. He stared up at the white ceiling and just blanked for a while. He and Quinn hadn't made up following the party incident, instead, Quinn had simply put it behind them and acted as if nothing had ever happened. Blaine didn't argue, because Quinn was the one everyone expected him to be with and on top of that, he hated fighting with her, not because he loved her so much that he never wanted any uneasy feeling between them, but because she was sort of irritating and he didn't need any more nagging than he was already enduring.

It struck him at that moment that the reason all of this was happening was Kurt Hummel. He wasn't sure why exactly, but he had figured out that it had only happened after Kurt had arrived at McKinley and most of the time, it got really bad when he was in his presence. He had accepted that he didn't like hurting Kurt, he just hadn't figured out why until now and the reason was that he liked him. And Blaine didn't just like Kurt, he really liked him and in ways that he had never liked anyone else. Yes, he had a twisted way of showing it, but frankly, that wasn't a bad thing, because he didn't want to show it at all.