PERMANENT - Leonardo DiCaprio

Chapter 16 -Unfamiliar Territory

Wednesday 8.35pm (3 months later)

The months had come and passed, and we were still busy as ever filming for Titanic. We had just about half of the film already done, but it was a non-stop process, and we were still working 14 hour days most of the time.

Jake had visited a couple more times, but last time he visited he seemed somewhat distant, and it made me feel uneasy just thinking about it. I had also had a weekend off where I flew back to Santa Monica to see him, and then Aaliyah drove up from San Diego to see me. Seeing her was amazing and completely refreshing after being stuck with the same faces for weeks, and she, of course, wanted all the gossip, but I was limited in what I could tell her for the film's privacy reasons – Jim had me swear to not spill set secrets until the film's release.

Currently me and Leo were sitting in his room on the couch, the orangey hues of the sun hanging low in the sky, reflecting off of the ocean, streaming in through the glass. We were rehearsing our lines for our scene tomorrow, as no one needed us on set today because they were filming the others.

We had to start filming the car love scene tomorrow, and even though we had already been filming for months, me and Leo hadn't had any scenes as intimate as this one – we hadn't even had any kissing scenes, and it felt strange. Sure, we had quickly gone over it, but we never really acted them.

"Where to, Miss?" Leo rehearsed to the scrip, in his poshest voice.

"To the stars," I whispered, but as we weren't on set and weren't in a car, I had to pretend to drag him into the backseat, and we probably looked like idiots, so at least our laughs were genuine. I grabbed onto his shirt as directed in the script, and pulled him close. We were gazing at each other, our hands playing with each other's.

"You nervous?" he asked. In that moment I wasn't even sure if there was a double meaning in those scripted words.

"No." I replied. He smiled, and I leant back against him and softly kissed his hand that I was holding, as it says in the script.

I looked back up at him "Put your hands on me Jack." I recite, guiding his hand down to cup my breast, feeling slightly uncomfortable as I knew what was coming next. I knew it was my job, and I knew I couldn't get freaked out anytime a kissing scene would come up, but maybe because it was my best friend and the cameras weren't around, so it felt different.

He leaned in, and I turned, moving away, my hands cupping my own face. "Wh-" he looked back at the script, then back at me.

"I'm sorry I- I don't know why I- it feels weird," I stumbled over my words- quite frankly I couldn't believe how I was acting about the whole thing – about my job that I had wanted to do all my life.

"Nel, c'mon. It's easy-"

"No I know, I know, it's okay, I'm ready, I just need a minute," I interrupted, still standing, so I sat back down.

"We need to break the ice, that's what we need. Come on." I looked at him, baffled as to what he was implying, but my face was deadpan. He pulled on my arm to get me closer, and without missing a beat, grabbed the back of my neck and planted a kiss right on my lips. We sat there for a moment, not long, lips locked until he pulled away slowly and his hand slipped away from my neck.

I sat there motionless, just staring at him, probably a bit too overwhelmed for my own good. He too was staring right back at me, his face just inches away from mine. It was only then that I realised how beautiful he was. I'd always known, but now it was real, and he was here. His half closed, heavy lidded eyes, a mix of blue and green, dropped down to my lips, so I did the same. His full bow shaped lips sat partly open, as if anticipating something.

He leaned in again, but I didn't back away. His lips brushed against mine softly, and his hand came up and cupped the side of my face. Going with it, I pushed my lips against his as my hands wandered to his chest, and I grasped his shirt. As we kissed, it became less gentle and more unrestrained. With his free hand, he leaned against the couch, pushing me down further into the cushions. Somehow my arms had wrapped around his neck, my fingers nestled in his hair – I didn't even realise when, as everything had blurred in my mind, and it was euphoric. The script and rehearsals seemed so far away and this was more than breaking the ice now – this was hitting the ice at full force and shattering it to little pieces (ironic, with the whole Titanic thing).

Our mouths were moving in sync, rhythmically, opening with every kiss, which allowed Leo to move his tongue into my mouth. My leg moved up, wrapping around Leo's waist as his left hand went down to cup my ass, giving it a playful squeeze. What brought me back to reality was Leo's moan into the kiss.

"Mmmm," he moaned. The situation set in, and I reluctantly but forcefully pulled away. We stared at each other, breathing heavily, and Leo licked his lips quickly. "Oh god," I breathed. Scrambling away from under him, I slid off of the couch and walked over to the other side of the room towards the bar area of the kitchen to get myself out of the situation, shaking my head and murmuring "No, no we can't this is-"

I felt a touch on my lower back and turned around to see Leo behind me. His face was flushed, his trademark golden locks hanging down in front of his eyes. I had never wanted anyone more – I was unable to control myself, and quite frankly I was scared of this animalistic side of me. After about 5 seconds of more silent gazing, he leaned back in and our lips met again. It was as if we had never stopped, his tongue slipping into my mouth almost straight away.

His hands roamed around my body, going down to my backside again as he leaned slightly down and placed his hands firmly on my ass, lifting me up as I wrapped my legs around him. He placed me on the counter, now standing in between my legs, never breaking away from the kiss. I felt his hands wander up my top, his soft hands touching my bare skin, and in no time my top was pulled from my body, Leo chucking it on the floor before resuming to our heated kiss. Leo's lips now began to stray, his head swerving down into the crook of my neck, kissing, licking and sucking.

"Holy shit," I breathed, my head thrown back, eyes closed and my hands pulling on his hair. "Mmmmm you like that?" he moaned in between kisses. I bit my lip hard, about to answer when a knock on the door startled us both, and his lips broke away from my neck. We both turned to the door, then looked at each other in how I would best describe as horror.

"Shit!" I whispered loudly, hopping off the counter top and reaching for my shirt that lay on the ground, throwing it on quickly and sitting back down on the couch, plumping up the cushions around me. Leo ran a hand through his hair, exhaling a big breath and turning to me, panicked.

"You alright?" he asked in a hushed tone, and I replied with one quick nod, so he went to the door and opened it, revealing a very happy Jason. 

"Alright lads?" he asked as he sauntered in, taking a seat next to me on the couch. Me and Leo shared a tense look as Leo closed the door.

"So Leo I wanted to talk to you about something," Jase continued, and Leo sat down on the other side of him, his eyes not leaving mine, but they were calm (or maybe he was just acting, he was obviously capable). I on the other hand, wanted to disappear for a good 6 months, disgusted at my lack of self-control, and even more so at the fact that I: 1.) just made out very heavily with my co-star/best friend and 2.) was still in a relationship.

I stood up, smoothing down my top and shorts. "I'm gonna head out," I mumbled, then cleared my throat. "So uh, I'll see you tomorrow. Both of you," I said, picking up my script and heading for the door, not waiting for a response. Once I had closed his door, I breathed out a breath I didn't know I had been holding, and I looked down at my hand that was still holding on to the door knob, shaking.

I started walking down to my own apartment, tears pricking at my eyes. I was a horrible person. I was a cheater, and I had probably ruined my friendship with Leo. What made it worse was that when I thought of what had just happened back at Leo's, I got butterflies in my stomach.....