PERMANENT - Leonardo DiCaprio

Chapter 36 - Way of Resolution

Monday 1.12am

"Nel....hey, can we talk?"

I opened my mouth to see if any words would come out, but they didn't. My heart dropped and my throat went dry, and although I had spent the night by his side, it was partly for the camera's - it wasn't really us. I was thankful he had offered to talk so that I didn't have to.

I nodded, turning back around to Frances "Excuse me a minute," she let me go, wandering off to have a conversation with what looked like, Johnny Depp, who hadn't made it to the red carpet, but managed to make the after party.

We walked up a grand glass staircase in silence, a nervous energy around us, as we then turned left and stopped at the glass railings that overlooked the whole venue, which was very dimly lit, illuminated by glowing blue atmospheric lights. It was a great deal quieter up here, and barely any people apart from a couple here and there, drinks in their hands as they made cheery chatter, looking down at the scene below.

"Nel, I don't know what this is, okay?" He motioned between us with his hand "But what I do know, is that these past few days have been....I don't know, jus- just shitty." We were looking into each other's eyes so intensely, but I welcomed the gesture - over the past couple of days we had barely made eye contact.

"I kissed you because it felt right....it was just....we were always in the moment and it felt...." He exhaled deeply and ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head.

"It was really, really nice. But you have to understand, you had a boyfriend and you kept mentioning him and so when I went back, I just wanted to get over it....get over you I guess." Leo was staring off down into the crowd now, deep in thought.

"My last night in Rosarito, I kissed you because that was meant to be the last time, and yeah I felt guilty because you had a boyfriend and you told me we were only friends, but I guess I did it for myself. Maybe I'm selfish that way...." His voice faded off.

His heartbroken voice made me want to cry, so I put one of my hands in his. His arms were bent over the railing, and he turned back to look at me as I did this.

"I never wanted it to get to this you know. I never wanted to argue, or make a big deal of it." I said solemnly in a hushed voice, almost like I was ashamed (which, in reality, I was).

"I was angry because it seemed like you were just trailing me along. And an even bigger part of me was so guilty that I kept kissing my best friend....especially since I had Jake before." I explained in a calm voice, which is how we should've talked before, instead of screaming at each other.

"Nel I could never trail you along, are you kidding?" His eyes were scrunched up from smiling. He turned to face me fully, grabbing both my hands instead of just the one. 

I cracked a smile, which grew with every second that went by. "Man I- I couldn't trail you along if I wanted to." He was still beaming down at me "What I had with Kristen was great, yeah," he rolled his eyes playfully "but we didn't have that spark that me and you have. And that's great but it also scares me," he squeezed my hands tighter in his "never has a girl made me feel the way you do. Yeah sometimes we don't agree, and we argue, but I always, always come back to you. I guess I've been trying to deny it ever since we first kissed but....Penelope I can't keep denying it, okay? It's gone on too long. We'll always be best friends, but god....I want more than that." He had somehow inched closer to me, and I couldn't escape his intense gaze.

His words were everything I had wanted to hear deep down, and it felt surreal that they had been spoken out loud. His icy blue eyes stared at me, longing for some sort of confirmation from me, so I spoke, keeping it simple.

"I don't wanna be away from you. And I can't deny it either.....I want you. That's the truth."

His eyes lit up with joy and relief at me finally admitting my feelings after so long, so he grabbed one my cheeks in his hands as he pulled himself in closer. His face was so close to mine now, and his eyes were scanning my face relentlessly.

"Do I have permission to kiss you?" He whispered softly, teasingly. I broke into a grin as I nodded, not waiting for his next move as I kissed him first, for the first time. Our lips connected as I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my body to his desperately. Leo's arms went around my waist, his fingers gripping me tightly as he kissed back passionately, lips moving together like they had so many times before, yet this time felt much more sweet and official, not laced with guilt or a sense of 'forbidden pleasure'.

I felt Leo smile into the kiss as his hands stroked up from my waist to my face, cupping it with both hands, while my arms unwrapped from his neck and slid down to his chest.

Slowly, he pulled away, still smiling that amazing smile that made me melt every time I saw it. He looked down into my eyes, licking his plump bow shaped lips.

"Let's go downstairs." He whispered, grabbing my hand and interlocking our fingers. I smiled at him and walked slightly in front, leading the way.

"Wait," I heard him say behind me, tugging on my hand and pulling me closer to him. I turned around to look at him and he took a step towards me, bringing one hand back up to my face, keeping the other still holding mine. He placed yet another lasting peck on my lips, which caused me to giggle, our lips still pressed together. I heard him laugh with me, his chest jerking with a soft laughter before I pulled away, and we looked at each other in adoration, giddy from our confessions and the amazing kiss.

"Alright let's actually go, c'mon." He led the way this time, me trailing behind, staring at our intertwined hands, wondering where we would go from here.