PERMANENT - Leonardo DiCaprio

Chapter 18 - Revelations?

Friday 1.23am

I quietly closed the door of the car after I had parked outside of the hotel – I had just finished filming, and was the last one to leave. Jim had offered to drive me back himself, but I refused. His hotel was situated much closer to our set location, so it would be ridiculous to allow him to drive around all night, and besides, I had a car.

The air was hot and stuffy outside, and I was thankful for the cool air that hit my face when I entered the lobby.

"Good evening Miss Nava," said Alberto from behind his reception desk. Me and Alberto (everyone called him Bert, but I thought Alberto was much nicer) had struck a friendship one day when I couldn't get my air-con to work, and spent about an hour at his desk while he tried to call maintenance. Since then, we saw each other nearly every night, as he mainly worked night shifts and most of my working hours ended between the hours of 1-3am.

"I think more like morning, not evening Alberto," I laughed tiredly as I walked over to the desk. He grinned and spoke in his wonderful accent "Yes, you're probably correct. How was filming today?" he questioned, his voice full of energy and curiosity. I really did admire that - working full night shifts couldn't have been easy, but he was always so enthusiastic. It gave him this youthful innocent edge, plus, he couldn't have been anything over the age of 20.

"Same as always, I'm shattered. And I'm hungry because all the food was finished by the time I finished shooting," I leaned against the desk, head in my hands with my eyes closed "Uuuuurgh."

I could hear him shuffling around, and then a soft crinkling sound so I opened my eyes and looked at what he was doing. He stood there, arm outstretched, holding a packet of pop tarts that I had seen sit near the computer, offering them to me.

Instantly, a smile crept up on my face, as I reached forward and took one. "Oh Alberto what would I do without you, huh?" He looked so proud and accomplished – it made my heart hurt.

I pushed back off of the desk and picked up my bag from the ground.

"Have a good shift, goodnight." I waved to him.

"Rest easy Miss Nava," he replied. I blew a kiss in his direction jokingly and rounded the corner, and Alberto went out of view. At least I knew if I didn't sort it out with Leo, I'd still have Alberto, but who was I kidding?

I was walking along past the others doors, taking my time as my legs were heavy with fatigue. The sound of the crickets chirping loudly kept me company, but it was very dark - nearly pitch black. As I neared my door, I held the pop tart in between my teeth as I looked for my keys, then pulled them out ready to unlock the door. When I looked back up, I could make out a shape sat on the floor leaning against the wall, adjacent to my door.

"Leo...?" I asked after taking the pop tart out of my mouth. I wasn't even sure if it was him - maybe I was going crazy and no one was even there.

He looked up. His elbows rested on his knees, which were pulled up opposite his chest, hands hanging down playing with God knows what - it looked like little blades of grass, or some sort of plant. Upon seeing me, he threw the grass (I think?) away and stood up.

"Hey, Nel," he looked distressed and tired, kind of how I felt right about now.

"What are you doing here? It's late. You should be sleeping-"

"I can't." he interrupted. "I can't go to sleep without talking about this whole thing with you and I really can't go another day filming with you when we're like this." he trailed off.

The truth was that I did want to talk about it, but now that it was time, I felt like I had nothing to say. Or maybe I just had so much that I didn't know where to start, so I just stood there, speechless.

"Hey," he whispered, placing his hand on my upper arm gently and taking a step towards me. I looked down at where his hand was touching me, and he realised this, so he pulled his hand away. It was like I was hyper aware of his presence ever since what happened, happened.

"Come inside," I said, unlocking the door and switching on the lights. He followed me inside and stood in the middle of the room as I closed and locked the door once we were inside. I wondered why he was just standing there, but then I realised. Since all the apartments were identical (ie. the couch, the bar and counter tops), it was hard to find a place to sit that didn't bring back memories of that night. It was a choice of either sitting on the couch, at the bar, in the bedroom (but that would make the situation more awkward), or at the dining room table, so I chose the latter.

I pulled out two chairs and sat down, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves. He sat down too, shifting in his seat uncomfortably before turning to me.

"Nel I- well first of all, I just wanna say that I don't want anything to change. I hate not talking to you, and I never really realised how much we need one another just...you know, just day to day...until now." he explained, using his hands to emphasise his points.

"But I just know....god I....when we kissed it was....I mean it wasn't weird. It wasn't.....you know, it didn't feel wrong and then today at the filming I really felt-"

"Leo I can't." I cut his rambling off. He stared at me blankly "What...?"

"I cannot have this conversation head that way okay? I have a boyfriend. Leo this is....this is wrong, don't you see?" I felt like I was going to cry right there and then, mostly because I was flat out lying to not only him but myself.

I could see him soaking in my words as he looked down at the table, licking his lips, then back up at me, squinty eyed.

"Don't tell me you didn't....feel any type of-"

"Leo," I begged, shaking my head. "It happened. Okay? And now it's done and we can move on like it never did." There was silence.

"Okay." he said. And that was it. That was all that was said. He stood up and hugged me, and I rose to meet his height as he did. His arms were wrapped around my neck and my hands lay limply on his back, then he kissed my forehead and was out the door, with a faint "goodnight" as he left.

I just stood there, not really knowing what to do. I was trying to hold on to the last scrap of dignity I had left, not wanting to ditch my fancy suit-wearing boyfriend for my co-star friend turned (one time) secret lover. That would look like I have completely no self-control (which I didn't, let's be real), and would probably compromise my friendship with Leo in the long run. But if it was the right thing to do, why did it feel so wrong?

With that thought on my mind, I strode over and locked the door and then got ready for bed, but I had a feeling I wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon.