Beautiful With You (Norman Reedus)

Chapter 36

Author's Note:

So I am going to say that it is going to be sad for a little bit but I like torturing myself and apparently my readers! Thank you for all of the support! I love all of you! Please comment and vote, let me know what you think or tell me what you don't like! Thank you!

My mom embraced me into a hug and I couldn't help but break down. The emotions choking me, the lump in my throat making it hard for me to swallow and I could feel my mom holding me and rubbing my back, "Oh honey." I was such a crybaby but I was hurt. He hurt me and those words echoed in my head, even though I didn't hear the whole conversation, I felt like I really didn't need to. He made it clear how much he really didn't want this and I should have known that it was too good to be true. He was famous and I was just me, we weren't meant to be and I needed to get over that. I was going to miss him and Mingus though, but at least I would have a part of him. I am scared. I am going to be a single mother and it was making me visibly shake and I felt my mother's arms tighten around me before she pulled away. She stepped back and took me in, a sad look in her eyes. She knew how I was feeling as I told her everything before getting a flight and she wasn't disappointed in me like I feared she was.

My mother was upset with me but I could handle that because it would fade away with time. I would show her that she didn't need to be. I was going to have to do this and luckily I have money saved up. I was to use that to buy what was needed, because my parents want me to make it. They wouldn't help me unless I really needed it and for that I am grateful. I would feel like I was a leech if I asked my parents for money to raise a child that I had made with another. Speaking of, my phone kept ringing but I put it on silence and turned the vibration off. It was hard to ignore him as it was, but it was for my own good. He could say anything and I knew that I would go crawling back to him and I honestly need to work on me.

We made it to my Nana's old house, which is where I was going to live, and I wiped my eyes. I didn't even know that tears were falling and how upset I was. But I was and it was all that I could think about. My hands moved up to my face and I rubbed at it, grabbing my purse and moving towards the one story house. This was more than I thought was going to happen, I thought I was just going to live in my old bedroom at my parent's house. But I would be renting this place and I needed to find a job. My mind was all over the place and I couldn't stop thinking. I sat on the small couch that was there, my mother having left some time ago. My phone sat on the couch next to me and I saw a plethora of missed phone calls and text messages, my voicemail box full but I couldn't bring myself to read any of it. He would get over me if I kept ignoring him and he would move on. I wouldn't but I was thinking about him. He needs someone that is on his level and it wasn't me.

Hesitantly I picked up my phone and looked through all of the missed call logs, most of them were from Norman but one was from Andrew. He and I hadn't talked in a while and I wondered why he was calling me. It could be because I wasn't answering Norman, or it could be he wanted to talk but I wasn't going to call him back. I couldn't. He was Norman's friend first and I don't want to step on anyone's toes, besides I am sure he would tell Norman where I was and I didn't want that. "Oh little one," I whispered as I wrapped my arms around my stomach and finally let all the tears go, breaking down. My shoulders shook with each deep breath in and my nose was stuffy but I couldn't stop myself. I just couldn't. I even tortured myself and listened to the voicemails that were left, each one chipping away at my heart but I deleted them all, all but one. It was one where he just kept repeating that he loved me and he didn't know what he had done wrong to make me leave. He sounded broken, which hurt me and I knew that maybe, just maybe things won't work this time. We were broken and it maybe for good.

I curled up on the couch, because I didn't have a bed to sleep in, and closed my eyes. I tried to sleep but every time I would doze off, he would pop up and he would be crying. Norman would be crying over me. I sat up and ran my fingers through my now tangled hair as I swallowed hard. Well there goes my sleep, I thought as I got up and moved around. I had to go grocery shopping and I needed to get clothes. I really haven't thought this through and acted on impulse; which is something I seemed to have been doing lately. I had never really been an impulsive person and here I was doing something I had never done. I sighed and whimpered, hating being alone. It scared me to no end and now here I was alone and missing Norman. I missed his touch and his kisses, the way he woke up in the morning and how he used to treat me before I got pregnant. God, why couldn't I be with him right now? Why did I run back home? Everything is so messed up and I don't know what I am doing. I felt like I was a teenager again, so immature, thinking that running away would help me. Of course I had my mom that wasn't far away but still, she isn't what I am missing; don't get me wrong I did miss her but I wanted Norman.

I went to the fridge and found that there was actually food in there; I guess my mom must have bought a few things when I told her I was coming home for good. Home. I missed Pennsylvania. It was where I grew up and where I had gone to school. It was the place where I had my first relationship and first heartbreak. New York was a big break to me, but it could never hold a candle to where I was from. I made myself a grilled cheese and chowed down on it, my phone lighting up next to me. I sighed as I saw that it was another text from Norman, my battery already at fifty percent now. Damn, it was like he wasn't going to stop but I couldn't talk to him. He would talk me into going back but I needed more distance than the apartment was. Of course I was still going to have it. What if I wanted to move back later? It wasn't going to be anytime soon but a small feeling within me told me to hold onto it.

I rubbed my forehead as I felt a dull ache there, knowing it was a headache and I really couldn't do anything about it, I settled back onto the couch. I closed my eyes and this time I was able to sleep a little bit, missing the constant on and off of my phone. I woke up in the middle of the night, looking out the large windows and I shuddered, knowing I needed to get curtains for them. They were too large and I felt too exposed. My knees cracked as I bent them towards the floor, pushing myself up from the couch and stretching. I hated having these spurts of sleep and no sleep. I feel like it was going to wear me down. I groaned and grabbed my phone, seeing more texts from Norman and one from my mom, telling me she was going to pick up some things for the house tomorrow. I answered her and only her, trying not to read Norman's texts because he would know that I had. Although I was itching to see what he was saying and what he wanted. You think he would get it when I didn't answer him the first time.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to get out all of the knots but they it wasn't easy. I could feel my fingers pulling at my hair, some of the pieces breaking off. Groaning out I looked to my phone as it lit up again and I knew that it wasn't my mother this time. I picked it up and hovered over his name, pulling open his texts and finally reading them.

'Baby, why did you leave?' That was one of the first texts he sent me but then, as I read on, I could almost hear the anger, the desperation, the irritation and then finally the sadness in the texts. How could one man make my heart break so many times over? I hovered over the little text message box and watched the cursor blink as I thought about texting him back, but what would I say. I closed out of the text messaging app. Things were complicated at best and I feel like that is how it was going to be for a while until I could think of something to say, or even think about how I wanted to proceed.

"I still love you, Norm," I mumbled to the dark room and that is when I let more tears fall. I knew that Norman and I wanted to find out the sex of the baby, we had talked about it. It was one of those days where he was happy and wanting the baby. He changed his mind so much and I felt like I ended up getting whiplash. I understand why he is having a hard time accepting it but when he pushed me away, that is when it hurt me. I didn't plan for this and neither did he. I wasn't acting like he was but of course I will take the blame. It is who I am. Besides he is famous and older, what would others think if they found out?

I watched my phone light up and saw a text from Norman, "I miss you..."

I cried. I broke down and cried harder than I have before. My eyes were already red, but they were going to swell again.

"I miss you too," I sent back and pushed the power button, making the screen go black. I held my phone to me like I would have Norman and I closed my eyes. My sniffles were the only thing that could be heard throughout the room. I kind of wish that I had tv, or some kind of noise to block out the silence that was giving me too much time to think. I smiled as I remembered when Norman and I got into a fight with flour and poor Eye was caught in the middle. By the time we were done you couldn't even tell that he was a black cat. I let out a wet laugh as I continued to cry and grab a Kleenex, trying to wipe the snot from my face. The screen lit up and I shook my head, reading his text.

"Baby why did you leave? Can you please come back? I need you," the text said. He had never been like this before and I could feel the tug in my heart. I wasn't going to give in, I kept telling myself over and over again. I couldn't handle the constant back and forth with his emotions but how was I going to tell him? I think we needed a break in our relationship, which is why I was here in Pennsylvania. To start over without the temptation of going back to him. I guess you could say that I run away from my problems and I'm no better than Norman. We both run.

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