Deer in the Headlights

Part 79 - You're All I Need

[Adam's POV]

The crisp, morning daylight streamed in through the bay kitchen windows that I sat quietly before, the warm streaks of light illuminating the wooden flooring in alternating shades of soft browns and dusky creams as it passed over the smooth, but gnarled surface.

I cocked my head to the right and slowly ran my bare feet along the warm floor, finding the sensation strangely fascinating as it occupied another minute of my sleepy morning.

Stop procrastinating Adam, you need to do it sometime.

I sighed dejectedly as my conscience once again reined in my thoughts and forced my gaze to the various assortment of items on the table beside me, mostly medical supplies, the usual ointments and lotions, bandages and pills. The sight made my stomach turn as I realised I was going to have to bring on the searing pain once more to change the bandages around my chest and back.

Moving my spine ever so slightly prompted a stab of pain shooting right into the heart of my back where the brunt of the wound was. Even safely housed under several layers of white cotton bandage slung tightly across my middle, the wound itself was still oh so painfully sore. And on top of that I’d never changed it on my own before.

Jess was the one who sorted it out, never me. Surely it’s not that hard... I thought moodily as I recalled the frightful embarrassment of having to strip down to my underwear in front of her so that she might attend to all of my injuries. Don’t get me wrong, she maintained the highest dignity around me, never staring or making an attempt to have me feeling uncomfortable. It was just- it still felt personal. Even if it had been Brielle doing it I would’ve still been mighty nervous.

I glanced into the living room at the thought of Brielle, confirming that she was still sound asleep.

Warm pride swelled in my heart as I saw her still tucked up under the duvet we’d shared last night. My gosh you’re so cute when you’re asleep. A smile tugged at my lips as I let the thought wash over me, she truly was beautiful, snuggled up underneath the blanket wearing one of my big hoodies, her hair slightly messed and her limbs tightly bunched up, a sweet expression of blissful unawareness on her face as she no doubt dreamed on without even knowing how intently I was watching her.

Your back Adam, do it while she’s still sleeping.

Again my conscience returned and forced my gaze away from my beautiful girl and to the table beside me. I picked up a large box of bandages and slowly examined it. It was just the usual sort of box you’d see on an everyday counter of a drugs store, but the everyday thought still didn’t reassure me. They had that old sterile medicine scent clinging to them which was strangely reminiscent of when my mum had put plasters on my knees as a child when I was endlessly falling over and cutting them. The thought made me smile for a moment, but it quickly vanished as I realised that I would’ve loved to have the pain of skinned knees right now, as opposed to what my back was about to serve me.

As if to back up that point, a shot of white hot pain burnt a trail right up my spine as I fumbled around with the hem of my shirt, pulling it as quickly as I could from my jeans so the pain would be over.

Taking a few seconds breather, I reordered my thoughts before taking the leap to pull the shirt over my head.

“Ufhhh-“ I fought back cries but they still slipped passed my lips. I longed so badly for Brielle not to hear me but I genuinely couldn’t stop the twisting sensation my back was experiencing as I pulled the shirt past my shoulder blades and eventually over my head.

I hung my head low as I sat clutching my shirt tightly in my lap. I felt utterly exhausted, weak and pathetic that I could only just manage that one action. I looked down at my chest and gave a gruff sigh, most of my body was hidden under wraps, but of what could be seen I was paler than I could ever remember being, all the muscle tone I’d spent months on building up was probably going to leave I thought despairingly. I’d been so proud with the gain, for once in a long time I’d felt like a proper man when I was training; and even after that too, when I was just working out to keep it all there I felt really good, especially with the knowledge that Brielle liked it too. Of the fair few times she’d seen me shirtless before the accident I knew she couldn’t keep her eyes off me.