Deer in the Headlights

Part 21 - Honey and the Bee

[Brielle's POV]

I delight upon the warm sunshine that glitters through the gaps in the leaves above as I casually glance over to Adam, I smile as I see him leant against the tree with his eyes shut; upon hearing me shuffle he lazily opens them and gives me a happy grin.

“Thanks for the picnic Adam, it means a lot.” He leans forward slightly as he shrugs his shoulders, throwing me an awkward smirk.

“I’m sorry it wasn’t amazing, I promise next year will be better.” I grin and roll my eyes at him. The picnic was genuinely amazing; the fact he had remembered my birthday and then gone to all of the trouble to make the food and plan the day really touched me. Adam glances away and looks out across the meadow, I follow his gaze and smile faintly; it really is a beautiful day and the scenery here is just breathtaking. From the corner of my eye I see Adam scratch his head and shuffle about on the picnic blanket, he seems to be restless.

“Sorry if I’ve been acting a bit weird around you lately too, this whole situation has left me pretty confused.” I turn my head and look at him intently, he’s still gazing away but after a while my stare seems to win him over and he glances over at me; I can tell he’s nervous by the way he’s knotting his hands and averting his gaze from mine every so often.

“It’s fine Adam, I know you’re going through a lot recently and I understand how difficult it must be for you.” I reply quietly, I watch as he swallows a lump in his throat, obviously understanding what I’m saying. A cool breeze picks up and stirs around us, I watch with a light smile as a few strands of Adam’s hair are tossed around; casually he flicks them away to join the rest of his long fringe.

He takes a deep breath and looks at me straight in the eye, the hairs stand up on my arms as a sudden chill creeps over me, but I hold his gaze.

“I don’t know. My mind’s all over the place when I think about her, every morning she’s the first thing I think about and the last at night too; I’ve managed to get a few nights sleep this week but my heart feels terribly empty without her, the insomnias been running riot some nights.”

I can feel my own heart crying out for his loss as I hear the pain and longing in his voice. I’ve never really heard Adam talk like this before but it’s evident he has more to say, giving him a gentle smile I reassure him to carry on. He looks away for a moment, smiling awkwardly as he seems to get his bearings; flicking his dark eyes back to mine he lets out a sigh and shrugs his shoulders.

“I should have seen this coming I suppose, I knew she was looking for a university and that one day she would get an application. I guess we were just so cosy in the relationship that I lived too much in the present and didn’t take a step back to see where it was going.” His words were quiet and ragged but he didn’t hesitate as he spoke, I knew these words were coming from deep down in his heart.

My stomach twists as I see a couple of tears drip from his eyes, moving over I reach out and put a hand on his back, softly rubbing along the harsh line of his spine as I attempt to comfort him. He looks away and rubs his eyes tiredly, I can see a faint blush on his cheeks but other than that his expression is blank; showing none of the sadness that I’m sure is coursing through his body.

A shuddering sigh escapes his body and I have to grit my teeth to stay strong.

“It’s alright, let it out.” I whisper. Adam hesitantly meets my gaze and I watch sadly as more tears fall from his sooty eyes, taking another strangled breath he forces out a weak smile. It looks like more of a cry for help than anything else and my eyes begin to sting as I feel the tears beginning to form behind them. Adam looks away for a second, his expression becoming distant as he stares out at the landscape.

“I’ve never loved anyone like that before; she was such a sweet girl, every moment with her felt like bliss. But everything we had; it’s gone. She’s starting a new life on the other side of the country and I’m stuck here in a dead end job trying to get somewhere with music while every day I wake up with my heart in pieces.” He returns his gaze to mine and I see the shock on his face as he sees the tears that have fallen down my face, he seems to mentally recoil. His mind probably racing through the thoughts that I’d lost a friend too and that to some extent I understood his pain, I’m not sure he had fully realised how upset I was for him.

Shyly Adam takes his eyes from mine and wipes them again with the back of his hand.

Moving my hand from his back I softly put it against his shoulder and pull him closer, a rush of emotions assaults my mind but I ignore them, this wasn’t the time to dwell on my feelings for Adam; he needed my comfort not my confusion.

 I smile lightly as he leans in closer to my body and very very delicately places a hand on my back, so softly I almost don’t feel it; I can’t help the blush that creeps onto my face as I think just how fragile he is. I know he has the tendency to where his heart on his sleeve which leaves it vulnerable to being broken, but he had never been so desolate from anything else I can remember before. It really struck home to me how close Adam and Ann had really been.

Subconsciously I rub his shoulder as small sobs rack his body, I notice just how skinny he is beneath my touch; Adam is a tall man with not an inch of fat on him, I’d never held him this close before and so I’d never realised just how slender he actually was. Although I didn’t let the thought bother me, I knew Adam could have the appetite of a horse sometimes and he’d always been a skinny boy while we were growing up so I wasn’t overly concerned.

No more words were exchanged as we held one another under the oak; it felt like there was a deep connection where words couldn’t describe what we were both feeling. And to be quite honest, I really didn’t think there was anything I could say that would help Adam, there wasn’t any magical way I could get Ann back or fill the hole in his heart. Time was probably the best healer in this situation and all I could do right now was to keep him close and listen to what he had to say, Adam had the habit of disguising deeper things in what he said and it often took a lot of thought to decipher what he had truly said. But still it filled my heart with a mixed kind of happiness to see that he could turn to me and open his heart out to tell me what was on his mind; there was something special about that and I was glad he could trust me enough to speak out.

Gradually I began to feel his shaking body calm, the occasional teardrop still fell onto my clothes but after a while those too stopped. Gently he pulled away from me and let out a sigh as he stared out over the meadow, across at the lakes and the forests. It was strange I felt a bit empty now I wasn’t holding Adam anymore, like I didn’t know what to do; casting my eyes at a few of the bright meadow flowers in front of me I mulled over some thoughts.

After a few moments Adam catches my eye and I meet his kind gaze, he looks a lot calmer than before, I can still see evidence of the sadness in his mysterious dark eyes but it’s clear to see that the release of emotions has helped him. I smile breezily at him and that seems to relax him a bit more as he responds in kind with one of his adorable little smiles, I feel my heart tremble and I struggle to contain my thoughts. Luckily Adam cuts me off before I can do something stupid.

“Thank you Brielle, it means a lot that you listen to what I have to say even if I can’t quite explain everything that I’m feeling inside.” I let out a light chuckle as I understand him completely.

“Hey it’s fine Adam, we all need someone to talk to sometimes; I’m glad you feel okay talking with me about it all.” I say with a shy smile, Adam grins back warmly, his eyes acquiring a dreamy glaze as he looks at me, in that look I could see he understood me.

 It was times like this I think we were both incredibly grateful for one another, to have a best friend like Adam who understood me probably more than I did myself was a humbling experience; words couldn’t describe how I felt about him.