Pride {l.s.}

10- Fighting

Harry didn't have enough seats for all of us, so we all sit on pillows around the coffee table. Everyone grabs hungrily at the two keesh pies that Harry and I made.

"I can't believe Louis helped with this," Zayn comments as he takes another bite. "He's never made a meal in his life."

"How can you have not made anything in your life?" Liam asks politely.

I shrug my shoulders. "I live in too small of a space now to cook, and I grew up in a rich family. They never allowed me to make anything since we had a cook."

"How do you go from living in a mansion with a cook to a small space where you can't cook?" Liam asks. Zayn glares at him, but I reply. They're easy enough questions. Answering similar questions from Harry has made it easier to open up.

"They stopped funding me when I graduated from college," I reply.

No one says anything else on the subject. The topics then range from childhood stories to the question of whether or not apes could take over the planet. There's never a dull moment as our friends hit it off. Harry smiles at me from across the table as milk comes out of Niall's nose from laughing at a story Zayn told. I'm glad that our friends hit it off, but it's hard to smile back at Harry. Harry gives me a face of confusion when I don't seem as happy to him. I point to my head, and Harry frowns.

I'm fine I mouth to Harry, but I know that the loud noises from the boys don't help.

Harry shakes his head and starts speaking once the table goes quiet enough. "I'm going to get Louis home. You can stay, Zayn, but he's not feeling too well."

Everyone expresses their apologizes to me being in pain, and I do my best to smile and thank them for the lovely evening as we leave. We step out into the night air together, and I let out a sigh.

"I didn't mean to take you away from your friends. You can head back up. You don't have to walk me home," I try to reason with him, but he won't listen as we walk on.

"I'm fine walking you home. You're getting sick, Lou. I don't want you walking home this late anyways," he replies.

Everyone tends to treat me like some small creature that can't handle anything. Maybe it's because of my size. I don't know what it is, but I'm too tired to have a filter.

"I don't need to be watched like a little kid," I reply sharply. I hate how rude the words sound coming out of my mouth, but it doesn't stop Harry from walking next to me.

"I'm not watching you like a little kid. I'm watching you because you're a pretty boy, and I don't trust people. Just please let me walk you without any more arguing," Harry requests softly. "It's probably not helping your head."

We walk in silence. I would think that a headache would ease with the night air, but if anything, it feels worse. It pulses, and I try to ignore it as we walk. I don't want to show Harry how bad it feels. We make it to the studio, and I pull out my key. With this pounding in my head, I find it difficult to open the door. Harry gently takes the key from my hand and unlocks the door. I find tears coming to my eyes from the pain as I stumble into the main display room. Harry silently wraps his arm around my smaller figure and guides me as I tuck my head against his side. We walk together to my room in the back. I sit on the bed and put my aching head in my hands.

"I grabbed a t-shirt and some pajamas pants," Harry says quietly. "Let's at least get you in some pajamas."

I nod my head numbly as I stand up. I reach my hands to the bottom of my shirt and try to pull it over my head. I find tears obstructing my vision as I struggle to simply get a t-shirt off.

"Let me help."

I look up to see Harry standing inches away from me. The headache ebbs away slightly as I get lost in his eyes as a distraction. His hands reach down to the hem of my t-shirt. I lift my hands above my head as he pulls the t-shirt off. I get goosebumps from the back of his hand gliding over my skin. My heart beats faster as the t-shirt is removed, and I can finally see his face again. I become very aware of how close we are standing. I also notice how Harry is staring intently at me. It makes my knees turn to jello. I rest my hands on his shoulders just to keep me upright.

I find our lips centimeters away from each other. I feel his breath fan across my face, and I want it again. When he glances at my lips, the desire burns inside of me. I want his lips on mine again, but I don't want to pull away this time. When he kissed me, that was the best feeling I've ever felt. I want it again. I want to feel that way that he made me feel again.

I'm not sure who initiates it, but our lips are locked on each other. My hands go in his long hair. The desire drives us crazy, and he pushes me forward. We fall into the bed with me underneath Harry. I'm pinned to the bed as his mouth explores mine. His hands trace over my bare tattooed chest without his lips leaving mine. My whole body feels weak with him so close. I can barely feel my headache anymore. All I feel is his body against mine. I crave his touch even as his lips drift down to my neck. My back arches as I feel his lips drift to my collarbones.

Then it all hits me at once.

No.

You're disgusting.

That's not right.

It's not normal.

Don't be a fag.

We can fix this, Louis.

I fall back into old thoughts, and I push Harry off of me. He stares at me in confusion as he kneels with both knees on either side of me. Our breath comes out fast as I sort through my thoughts. My family would be ashamed of me. We worked on this, and I've let them down.

"No, no, no, no, no," I mumble as I pull my body away from Harry.

"Lou? What did I do?" Harry says hurriedly as he tries to come closer to me. "I didn't mean to go so fast. I'm sorry, Lou-"

"Don't call me that!" I yell. Harry stares wide-eyed in surprise. "Get away from me!"

"What did I do wrong?!?" Harry yells back as he stands up. His eyes don't look away from me as I feel tears form in my eyes. My headache returns, but now my heart aches too.

"I'm not a fag like you!" I snap as the tears spill over. "Get out and don't come back!"

I see the tears fall down his cheeks at the insult. I wish I could wipe them away, but that's not my place.

"You kissed me back, Lou!"

"Don't call me that!" I warn him, but he doesn't listen.

"You like it, Lou! Why are you pushing this side of you away?!?"

"I'm straight, Harry! Now get out of my room!"

He slams the door as he walks out. My chest hurts, and I jump at the noise that echoes. I numbly take off my jeans and slide on pajama pants before I collapse on the bed in tears.

"I'm sorry, Mom," I mumble. "I failed you, Mom. I'm sorry, Dad. I'm a failure. I'm sorry."

I force myself to sleep, but when I awake the next morning, the pain in my head and heart aren't any less.

A/N

I hate this chapter a lot. I'm sorry.

xoxo raindropkiss1