Pride {l.s.}

12- Promise

It's a feverish night once I finally fall asleep. I drift between this state of being half awake and dreaming.

Whenever I was somewhat awake, Harry is in the chair pulled up next to the bed. I look over, but every time I do, he's always awake. I try to tell him to get some sleep. He never lets me speak. He simply checks my temperature and strokes my hair until I ease back into an uneasy rest.

The dreaming happens every time I lose consciousness. I dream about those two kisses that I had with the green eyed boy. It starts as a recalling of sweet memories with him. I remember holding his hand as the colorful cape billows out behind him. I remember his sweet lips on mine as he gently holds him. I remember falling down onto my bed with him on top of me and wanting him. I want every part of him whenever we are together.

With these sweet memories that I should forget, there are also memories I buried even deeper that resurface.

I remember the screaming when I told my parents. I remember the glass shattering when my dad threw the vase towards my head. He's never been violent like that, but I luckily duck. I remember my mom clinging onto me. She was begging me to tell her that it was just a lie.

It wasn't a lie. I couldn't hide it anymore.

In my dreams, I'm back in therapy. I have these ideas being shoved down my throat until they take up my whole being, and I believe them. The sweet dreams of Harry turn sour when the past resurfaces. I wake up confused, angry, and sad. Harry is always there to make sure I go back to sleep.

I would rather stay up with him then go back into those nightmares, but as usual, I do what people tell me to do.

***

"Lou. Lou, wake up. Boo Bear."

I peel open my eyes. The sun is bright, but that doesn't stop me. "Boo Bear?"

"I was trying it out. It matches how cuddly you are."

I become aware of the fact that I am in fact clinging to Harry. His long hair is tossed to one side. He looks tired, but he tries to hide it. He lets out a laugh that causes my body to shake considering I am lying on top of him. Our bodies are tangled together. I pull myself away as a blush creeps up onto my cheeks.

"Sorry about that. Just ask Zayn. I get cuddly in my sleep. Did you sleep at all last night?" I ask. I remember him being awake a lot last night. I wish that he slept.

"A little. You're fever broke at 3 in the morning, so I climbed in. I slept a little bit once you were feeling better. I stayed here just in case something went wrong," Harry says. He tries to hide his yawn, but it doesn't work.

Guilt creeps in. I shouldn't have let him watch over me. I should've done like I always do when I'm sick. I definitely feel better than last night, but I'm not 100% better now. This was nothing that I couldn't have handled on my own though.

"You shouldn't have watched over me, Harry. I can handle myself," I say quietly. It comes out more as a whisper.

"Boo bear, it's okay. You were sick. Everyone deserves to be watched when they're sick. Didn't your parents watch over you when you were sick?" Harry asks. He asks this question as if there is an obvious answer, but there isn't. Not for me.

"Yeah," I lie. "What parents wouldn't watch their sick kid?"

I scoff at this. I get a weird look from Harry, but at least he somewhat believes me. We fall into an uncomfortable silence. We lay in bed side by side with our heads propped up onto the pillows. All I can hear is our breathing.

"What do we do, Lou?" Harry asks after awhile with a sigh.

"What do you mean?"

Harry turns to face me. "We kissed. It wasn't like some small accident. It was full of this heat and passion-"

"And it was still an accident," I struggle to say. "Look, I like you, Hazza. I really do but not like that. I just need... time. I'll fix this."

"Fix what?" Harry sits up completely and looks down at me. It's hard to reply when he looks directly at me.

"I'll fix all of this. Just give me like a month," I reply. "That's not too long, right? We won't see each other for a month. You come by the studio in a month, and we can be like the bestest friends. Well you'll probably be after Zayn, so like 2nd bestest friends. I just need some time. Just one month."

I don't like the pain in Harry's eyes. His usual happiness is stripped away to reveal a vulnerable boy. I want to kiss his soft lips and tell him that it will all be alright, but I can't. When we see each other again in a month, I'll never think these thoughts again.

"So that kiss was a complete accident, and we can only ever be friends?" Harry asks in a small voice in order to clarify.

I swallow. "Um yeah. I'm straight, and I'm sorry for leading you on. It was a bad move on my part. It's all my fault, Harry."

He fiddles with his hands in his lap. He won't even look at me. I feel horrible for making him feel this way, but this isn't the normal way that I do this.

"I push people away, Haz." Harry's eyes lift to meet mine at the use of his nickname. "It's the way that I do it, but this isn't like that. I am pushing you away, but we'll come back to each other."

"Do you promise?" Harry asks. He offers his pinky to me as if we are at the play ground again as kids, but we're a long way from there.

"I promise."

A/N

Harry has been friend zoned lol

xoxoraindropkiss1