Pride {l.s.}

18- Flirt

I hover over Eleanor as we kiss on my bed. Her tongue is in my mouth as I hold myself above her body. I try my best to simply focus on this, but I can't. I can't focus on this. All I can see is Harry and I being in similar positions in this room. That's all I can ever see when I'm in this room. I can't get this image out of my head.

Eleanor breathlessly pulls away from me for a moment. Her hands go to my t-shirt. She begins to tug on the hem and tries to pull it over my head. I'm frozen for a moment as I watch my t-shirt fall to the floor. I look down at the bed to see the wrong person there. Her being here is wrong, but him being here is even more wrong.

"Lou, I want you. I want you so bad."

Those words make me finally realize what's going on. I stumble off the bed and back into the wall.

"I think you should leave, Eleanor," I admit with a shaky breath. She lies down on the bed looking very confused and very angry.

"Lou, just let me show you how I can make you feel! We can fix this together!" Eleanor tries to reason with me, but I can't.

"Get out!" I shout. Raising my voice at her finally makes her realize how serious I am. She quickly grabs her shoes and runs out of the studio while shouting insults at me.

I swear under my breath before grabbing a pack and heading outside. I hold the lit cigarette up to my mouth with a shaky breath. The smoke that enters my lungs comforts me.

I don't know exactly why I pushed her away. It was a mixture of this feels wrong and I don't want it. I don't want to sleep with her, and I don't know how to make myself want it. I'm taken out of my thoughts when someone that I don't know begins to talk to me. She's wearing a very low top as she saunters towards me.

"What's a handsome thing like you doing up this late at night?" She says as she rests her hand on my chest. I immediately push her away from me, but she doesn't stop. "I think we could really get along in a bed."

This is the second person today. I'm already shaken and having her not leaving is making it hard to breathe. I don't know what to say. In the lights of the streets, I can see that she's wearing a ton of makeup and is probably drunk by the way her words slur slightly together. If she wasn't drunk, she would probably not be doing this. I don't know how she's walking in such high heels. I feel sorry for the poor drunk girl, but I find myself too stunned to say anything.

"Hey, step away from my boyfriend!" I hear a familiar voice yell. Before I turn to look, she rolls her eyes and walks away. I bring the cigarette to my lips with a shaky hand before I turn to look.

"Lou?"

"Hey, Harold. Thanks for that," I try to say lightly with a laugh, but it's not something I can joke about. I can still feel her hands on me. I can still feel Eleanor's lips on mine, and I don't like either of those feelings.

Harry steps closer to me. He still looks worried, even after my comment, He's about to say something before he sees the cigarette in my hand.

"Y-you smoke?" Harry asks with surprise and confusion written all over his face.

"Um yeah. I managed to quit, but I've gone back at it," I admit quietly. I glance down at my hand to see that it's still slightly shaking.

"Lou, what's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're smoking. Why did you pick it up again?"

"Because I can! Because I'm strained right now, Harry! I'm stressed out and running out of money! I have a girlfriend who I have to treat, and I can't do it! I can't afford her! And now people are pressuring me, and I don't want it!" I feel tears coming to my eyes as I say everything that's been on my mind. I let the tears overflow before I smash my cigarette into the cement of the building to put it out. I don't know what overcomes me, but I smash the cigarette in the cement over and over before Harry grabs my hand. I drop the cigarette to the ground. I rest my forehead against the cold cement.

"Come here, Boo Bear."

Harry pulls me into his arms the second I turn around. I wrap my arms around his tall frame as he comforts me.

"Breathe, Lou. Just focus on that."

I do as he says. It takes a minute to calm my breathing, but I finally do. Harry pulls me slightly away so that he can see my face. His hands still touch my body. They feel cold on my hot torso, but they're still comforting. He wipes away my tears with his thumbs.

"Now, why are you not wearing a shirt?"

"Um, Eleanor was over and... things went down," I admit and not in a proud way. I am ashamed to admit that nothing happened between us because I still feel nothing with her.

"Are you okay? Why did you say people are pressuring you?"

I don't say anything because I don't know what to say.

"Is Eleanor treating you right?"

I find myself unable to put into words what is going on. I can barely explain to myself everything going on. How do I tell Harry that all I think about is the two kisses that he and I shared? Sometimes I imagine that Eleanor is Harry when we're kissing, but her lips just aren't as good as his. All that I know is I need to get rid of these thoughts. I'm starting to get afraid that they will never go away, and I will disappoint my family even more than I already have.

"You should meet Eleanor soon. The whole gang can get together again. Zayn, Liam, Niall, you, me, and maybe Eleanor. That way I can introduce you all to her," I finally manage to say. Maybe showing her to everybody will help me.

Harry nods his head with a sad expression on his face. "Yeah. I can cook something up. Does Friday sound okay?"

"Friday is perfect. Wait, Haz, why did you come here? It's almost midnight," I finally ask. I don't know why I didn't ask him earlier why he was here.

"I was going for a walk. I've still been having troubles sleeping. When I saw someone down the sidewalk harassing someone else, I realized it was right in front of your studio. When I saw the brown hair, I took a chance and hoped it was you I was yelling at," Harry says with a small smile. "Speaking of which, are you okay? You seemed... frozen."

I run a hand through my hair and let out a nervous laugh. "Um, yeah. Sorry about that. I've never been good when approached by people like that."

"At least your hand stopped shaking."

"You noticed that?" I ask in amazement.

He nods his head. "I notice a lot of things about you, Lou."

The way he looks down at me makes my heart flutter. I become aware of how close we're standing. I regretfully take a step back because I know it's the right thing to do. I like standing close to him. I like feeling the heat that radiates off his body, but I shouldn't know what that feels like.

"I-Harry, we can't," I stumble over my words, trying to find a way to explain.

"I know," Harry admits with a sigh as he takes a step back. "It's on the list of things I can't do. I get it. I shouldn't be trying to make a move on you anyways. You have a girlfriend for goodness sakes."

"And I'm straight."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Boo Bear."

Harry walks home after we finish our conversation. He doesn't say anything else about the cigarettes, and I don't say anything about his sleeping problem. All of our questions stay inside of us, too afraid to come out.

A/N

So apparently only like 65% of my readers are from the US??? Like what??? People from other countries are reading this??? Like what???

You guys are amazing.

xoxo raindropkiss1