Pride {l.s.}

15- Kiss

"If you have to learn to want something then that should just tell you that you don't really want it. Like for example, I don't like asparagus, but I can't learn to want it because it's a preference. I was born without liking that thing. Same with Louis and women." -larrylsmyqueen

Eleanor and I have been dating for almost a month. The weeks I am waiting to see Harry again are taken up by an endless number of dates with Eleanor and painting many canvases. Zayn and I have hit a bit of a lull. Money is getting tight, but I don't know how to let Eleanor know. I don't think she would care anyways. She continues to ask for dates and gifts. She hopes this will fix me, and I finally decide that I'm ready. This is probably as fixed as I'll get, but there is one final thing I have to do before I see Harry.

Eleanor and I walk home from the movie theater. We saw some weird romantic comedy. Eleanor ended up hating it, but I know someone who would have loved it. The genre is actually kind of growing on me.

I let out a shaky breath. I take Eleanor's hand in mine. She smiles and walks closer to me as we stroll down the streets of Orlando. I try to ignore the church that I see on the street. I remember that church. I kissed a boy in front of that church. I try to forget the hand that pulled me along these streets. I liked that feeling a lot better than the one I have right now.

"Are you thinking of heading back home anytime soon?" Eleanor asks. "Maybe we could visit your family and my family for Thanksgiving. They'll enjoy hearing that we're back together."

I shrug my shoulders. "Zayn and I usually do something for Thanksgiving."

"What do you two do? Go out to bars together and pass out drunk?" Eleanor says with a laugh.

"Well no. We usually drive a couple hours to Zayn's family. They treat me like one of their own, so I tend to spend holidays there," I reply. I try to ignore her words that sounded somewhat like an insult.

"You should be spending your holidays with real family."

"I'll see how I'm feeling when the time comes," I reply, finally shutting the conversation from going any further.

Eleanor is renting an apartment above a convenience store. It's a couple blocks from my place, so I tend to walk her home and drop her off there. It's inconvenient to drive everywhere when we can walk to a lot of the places we have to go.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Lou," Eleanor says with a smile as we stand outside of the door that leads up to her floor. She looks beautiful standing in the lights of the streetlights. She's such a sweet, beautiful girl (except when she tries to call my best friend a terrorist). She deserves this.

"See you then," I reply with a smile.

I become aware of how close we are standing, and I know that this is it. It's stupid that I haven't kissed her yet. We've been dating for almost a month. I just haven't had the courage yet. I look into her brown eyes and decide that it's time. It's time to fix me.

Her lips are soft. They feel nice, and I do my best not to compare them. I try not to compare them or this kiss to the only other ones that I've had. It's a brief kiss. When we pull away and say goodbye, I realize that I don't want more.

I head back to the studio and lay down on my bed. With the lights off, I can almost imagine his body hovering over me. I can imagine his hands running up and down my sides. I can feel his lips on mine and on my neck. I feel him everywhere when he isn't with me.

I should have fallen asleep dreaming about my girlfriend, but I didn't.

I fall asleep dreaming about a boy.

A boy that I can't have.

A/N

Sorry about the short chapter. Sort of a filler. Quote at the beginning of chapter is from a reader who posted this comment about Louis trying to love Eleanor. I really liked it, and I thought that you should all hear it.

xoxo raindropkiss1