Pride {l.s.}

67- Johannah

The Story So Far:

Louis is back at his childhood home with Harry to see his sisters again and confront his mother. This is the town where he was in "therapy" for his homosexuality and where people including his parents ridiculed him for his sexuality. He met Lottie, Fizzy, Phoebe Daisy, Ernest, and Doris. He is yet to see his mother and his new stepdad.

WARNING: MENTION OF RAPE

She is standing in the kitchen when we come back home from the ice cream shop. Her hair is lighter than I remember, but the same shade of brown. She's thinner too, but I can hear her singing "Hey There Delilah" when I walk in. She always loved that song. She always had a lovely voice; when I was in Grease, she would joke that I got my good voice from her. She's probably right. The soft melody reminds me of when she would sing to calm me down when I was little.

Everyone else is putting Doris and Ernest down for a nap upstairs. They knew I want alone time for this. Harry gave me a quick kiss without any words because there were no words left to say. I have to do this. I need this.

I step into the kitchen and watch her stir the batter for a second before I make myself known. I take that moment to hope that this all goes okay.

"Mom?" I ask quietly. I didn't know if I was ever going to say that to her again.

She turns to look at me. There's a moment of a thousand expressions on her face. She looks sad, happy, heartbroken, moved, and ecstatic all at once. Tears come to her eyes as she quickly walks towards me and opens up her arms to me.

It's been a long time since I've seen her, but all I want is her motherly embrace.

I collapse into her arms in tears. I never stopped loving my mother, and I can tell she never stopped loving me by how tight she holds me. Her hair smells like vanilla, the familiar scent from my childhood that meant comfort. She runs her hand up and down my back like she did when I was little. I feel just like the time I fell off the tree in the front yard; she was always the arms I ran to when I needed it. We stand there for a moment, simply lost in the embrace of family love as we both remember how long it's been since we've been like this.

"I'm so sorry, Louis. I'm so sorry, baby," my mother says to me between gasping breaths.

"Sorry for what, Mom?" I ask as I pull away slightly to look at her. I wipe away the falling tears the best I can. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have left you and the girls for so long."

My mom lets out a sigh and presses a kiss to my forehead. "I've learned from my mistakes, love, and I have made many. I messed up a lot."

"Mom, I grew up okay-"

"How about we sit with some tea and talk, Lou?" my mother suggests as she also wipes away some tears. "We have a lot to go over."

My mother walks over to the stove to heat the tea kettle as I go to sit at the dining room table. When Harry walks in, Mom looks over at the tall boy with the long brown hair in surprise.

"You must be..."

"Harry. I'm Louis's boyfriend. It's so good to finally meet you, Mrs. Tomlinson," Harry introduces himself with a large smile and a handshake.

Tears seem to rise to my mother's eyes again as she pulls him in for a hug.

"Oh, thank God. Thank God for you, Harry," my mother mutters as she hugs him. Harry glances over at me in confusion; I'm confused too.

"Mom, are you okay?" I ask her as Harry takes a seat next to me at the dining room table.

"Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine. We just have to talk. That's all," she replies calmly, but I notice her hand shaking as she takes the whistling teapot off the stove. She pours the water and adds tea bags and sugar before she walks two mugs over to Harry and me. I let it cool in front of me, but I can already smell it: peppermint. Mom remembers that I love peppermint tea. She heads back to the kitchen to grab one for herself before she takes a seat across from us.

"What is it that you're worried about?" I ask her. "I can see it on your face. Your forehead crinkles when you're worried."

Mom doesn't look up at me for a moment. She stares down at the hot tea that rests between both of her hands. The crinkles on her forehead are still prevalent before she sighs and releases the tension. She looks up at me; her expression is almost as sad as when I left for college, and we both knew that I wasn't coming back.

"I don't want you to hate me."

"You're my mother. I could never truly hate you," I explain to her. "Even with everything going on between us, I never hated you. It was just difficult to grow up in a house where I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating."

Mom quickly wipes away loose tears as she nods her head. "I know. I know all too well." Her voice trails off for a moment before her worried expression comes back. "Do you remember Father John?"

I feel my entire body tense. I can no longer smell the soothing peppermint of my tea as my mind drifts off to a place that I never want to go back to. Father John was bald and wore silver wired glasses. He was nice to be completely honest. I grew up talking to him after church and saying hello to him if I saw him at the local diner. He only became evil in my mind when he tried to change me. Pictures, drugs, and puking flashes in my head. I don't know how many times he did that to me. There were too many to count.

My mind only comes back when I feel a familiar hand slip into mine. I feel my body relax a bit as I face the now and not the past.

"Yeah, I remember Father John. Why do you ask?"

"D-did he ever um... rape you?"

A/N

The idea for this chapter and the next chapter come from the movie Spotlight. The idea for this chapter and the next chapter come from the movie Spotlight, which is about a newspaper who exposed Catholic priests for the molesting of boys across the nation. Please read the next chapter before jumping to conclusions. 

xoxo raindropkiss1