Pride {l.s.}

13- Broken

Life is lonely without Harry Styles.

I didn't meet him many times, but that doesn't mean he can't matter to me. When I'm with him, he just takes up everything. He takes up this space in my mind and my heart. It's impossible to get him out of there. I see him walking down the street sometimes, but I always have to avoid him. It's like getting shot in the chest with an arrow. It just feels wrong to not go up and say hi to him. Going through life without Harry has become as awkward as walking around with just one shoe. I don't feel complete without him.

And I hate myself for it.

"How many more days until you can see Harry again?" Zayn asks after the model I was painting leaves. I make my way to sit next to Zayn.

I sign in exhaustion. "About 3 weeks. September has only just begun."

"You miss him," Zayn points out.

I roll my eyes. "Of course I miss him. It's impossible to not miss my Hazza."

"Your what?"

"Hazza," I reply. "I call him Harold, Haz, and Hazza. In return, he calls me Lou and Boo Bear if I'm very cuddly."

Zayn lets out a laugh. "You two sound like a couple going through the honeymoon phase."

I blush as Zayn continues to speak. Zayn pauses his speech. He turns to face me, and I feel like we are about to talk about a subject that isn't as lighthearted.

"You and I both know that we are very good friends," Zayn starts with a sigh. "You don't need to keep secrets from me."

"I'm not," I lie. He doesn't need to know anything. Not yet at least.

"Lou, why won't you just go out with Harry like on a proper date? Why do you need to give him this space? You miss him. You are enamored."

"I'm what?"

"You are... You're in lov-"

Before Zayn can finish, someone walks through the door. We both turn to face the door to see who it is. I never thought I would be happy to see her, but I really don't want Zayn to finish his thoughts.

"Hey, Lou!" Eleanor says brightly as she strides for the desk. Her long legs are tan from the sun here in Florida, and she is looking great. I still don't feel anything.

"Hey, El. What brings you here?" I ask. I make my way around the counter and give her a hug. She loves her hugs. Zayn is giving me strange looks probably because this is the second time he's seen her, and I never gave them proper introductions.

"To see you, silly. I missed you. I figured maybe we could go out for some dinner."

Always leave it to Eleanor to make the first move. I never even asked her out in high school. She did all of that herself. Of course she was somewhat forced to ask me out, but she was still very open to doing it. She was always the one who was leaning in to kiss me. I had to be the one to push her away.

"That sounds lovely," I reply. I notice Zayn in the corner of my eye and decide that it's probably a good idea to introduce them. "Oh Eleanor, this is my best friend Zayn. We were roommates in college, and we now own the studio together."

"Nice to meet you, Zayn. Interesting name," Eleanor says as she shakes Zayn's hand.

"It means beautiful," Zayn replies with a cough from being uncomfortable with the situation. Eleanor has that effect. "It's an Arabic name."

"How exotic. Where is your family from?" Eleanor asks. She always gets way to much into everyone's business, and she doesn't need to know half of this stuff.

Zayn gives Eleanor a look like she is crazy (which she kind of is), but he still answers the question. "I'm of Pakistani descent."

"Oh is your family terror-" Eleanor tries to ask, and then I totally remember one reason why I broke up with her. I grab her by her shoulders and begin to drag her away before she can even finish that sentence.

"Okay. We're going. Bye, Zayn," I say hurriedly as I pull her out of the studio. I don't bother telling Eleanor how inappropriate that was. She never listens to me.

We never walk in silence. Eleanor never likes having a silent moment with someone. I often find this annoying, but I let her babble on about people we knew in high school. She didn't leave the small town we grew up in. Most people don't leave, but I was very animate about getting out of there. I didn't want to be there a moment longer.

Her voice fits in with the background of the city's night life. Instead of focusing on her words, I think of Harry. I think of how even though we talked most of the time we were together, both of us wanted to hear what the other had to say. It wasn't like this.

"Lou, are you listening to me?" Eleanor asks bluntly as we continue walking.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm just getting over the flu. I'm still a little out of it," I admit with a weak smile.

"Well what I was saying was that we should do it again."

"Do what again?" I ask.

"Date. I know your problems, and by the way you looked at that boy with the long curly hair, you are still having problems. I honestly think that we can fix it completely this time."

She brings up the dreaded topic as if it is nothing. She never saw the crying late at night. She doesn't remember the sting on my wrist from when I would snap a rubber band whenever I had a bad thought. She doesn't remember this pain that followed me. She doesn't know the shame I feel.

But maybe she's right.

Maybe we can fix it. I know that I'm broken. I've grown up being told how broken I am.

I need to fix myself before I see Harry again, and this might be the way to do it.

A/N
Thank you so much for all of the reads! I'm happy that you guys seem to be enjoying this.
xoxo raindropkiss1