Pain: Her (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 30

Harry fell asleep on my chest as I allowed him to cry into it while I hugged him tightly and rubbed his back. He wrapped his arms tightly around my body as we both laid in bed; his body ontop of mine securing me and making it impossible for me to even move. The tears dried on his face as his breathing slowed and I brought the blanket from under our feet up and spread it across us. The more I thought about what happened, the harder I hugged him. He went through so much and the fact that he's this strong amazes me beyond explanation.

But what kept replaying in my head was when he told me he loved me more than her. The way he said it; the way he told me how much he loved me despite being with her made me hate myself for being to blind to notice him. I can't imagine what he went through after Mia killed herself. I can't imagine what he's feeling now, what he's thinking or how he's copping with all of this. He's so strong and I praise him for that. I just wish I was like him; strong enough to move on, but I'm not. I've never seen someone so broken or hurt; not even in myself. The way he repeatedly punched the wall and balled his fists causing every vein in his body to seep through his numb skin made me realize that I thought I knew what pain was, until I met Harry.

He showed a whole new definition of pain; a pain I've never seen before. He's broken on the inside but on the outside, he's like steal. He's hiding so much and covered up what he's been through that it makes me want to sit him down and make him tell me everything so that he won't suffer anymore. I want to be able to love him like he loves me, to hold him the way he holds me, and care for him just as he cares for me. I want him to let me into his life and allow me to fix him, because he fixed me and the least I could do is return the favor.

I stroked his hair slowly as his chest slowly rose and fell above me. I twirled his curls in my fingers as his leg was ontop of mine and his head in my neck. I slowly rubbed his face; feeling his scratchy unshaven face. With my finger tips, I gently ran them over his lips that were red from the crying and yelling. How can someone with such pain look so beautiful? He was flawless. Absolutely flawless.

As I laid underneath him, I realized that I didn't have any clothes for tomorrow. I check the time and it was late but I had to get something to wear. I didn't want to wake Harry so I slowly lifted his hand from around my stomach and tried to slid away. When he moved his arm, I shut my eyes tightly and ceased my movements, hoping I didn't wake him. He turned his body the opposite way and fully covered himself with the blanket as I cautiously tip toed to the door and quietly shut it behind me.

"You're awake?" his mom asked me as I walked down stairs.

"Yeah," I half smiled, "I need to go home and get some clothes."

"I can drive you." she offered standing up.

"No, no! Please, it's fine. I'll just walk. It's not too far." I smiled with thanks.

"Darling," she said as if I were nuts, "it's eleven o'clock and it's dangerous out. I'll drive you." Now I see where Harry's manners come from.

"Honestly, I'd really like to just walk, just give myself some time to think." I said as she walked up to me and grabbed my hands.

"I heard him yell," she told me quietly, "he punched the wall?"

"Yeah." I said looking down.

"He told you didn't he? About Mia?" her eyes were glossy and her tone was soft.

"He did, yeah." I replied almost at a whisper.

"You're the best thing that has happened to him," she told me as I lifted my head to look at her, "he's crazy about you." she smiled.

"He said that?" I blushed.

"All the time." she said before pulling me into a strong hug.

"He adores you, absolutely adores you," she said squeezing my top arms, "you're fixing him when no one even could, and that's what a mother wants to see; her child happy." she said as her voice cracked.

"Please don't cry!" I smiled hugging her, "I've cried enough today." She laughed and rocked me back and fourth and walked me to the door.

"Be careful, okay? Call me if something happens." she told me as I put my shoes on."

"I will." I promised as I hugged myself and left. I was so dumb and didn't grab a coat and practically froze to death. All I had was Harry's sweater and sweatpants on as the air got colder and colder. When I finally reached my house after 10 minutes, I saw the lamp on through the window. As I walked up the stairs, I hoped it wasn't my mom because she would lock me in the house and never let me go. I was relieved to see Alan sitting on the couch again reading his books, but I was still upset.

"Changed your mind?" he said licking his finger to flip the page.

"No, I'm going to grab some clothes and go back." I said without looking at him.

"Come here," he asked nicely. He closed his book and set it beside him as I walked back down the stairs and next to him.

"Did you really expect me not to tell your mother?" he asked crossing his legs and taking off his glasses, "I can't keep things from her, especially when they're this important. Now you're lucky she's asleep because she almost burned the house down when I locked her in."

"You locked her in?" I asked trying not to laugh.

"I did, yeah," he smiled, "she went nuts. But you do realize that I trust Harry. That's why I'm so comfortable with allowing you to sleep over at his house. I know his mother very well."

"I know you do." I stated.

"Good, about the counselor; Your mother asked me to talk to her. Just to help you let whatever you're feeling out."

"I have Harry, I don't need her." I said rolling my eyes.

"But you need someone who understands."

"He does understand, Alan. He understands me very well." I said with confidence, "you should've told me ahead of time." I told him.

"I know, I know." he said picking his book back up to read, "just, try and trust people more. I know it's hard but you're strong, you'll overcome what ever is holding you back." he cleared his throat before turning to the page he left off on.

"Yeah, thanks..." I got up and quickly went upstairs and grabbed my Aero bag to pack some clothes. I grabbed a pare of underwear and an outfit for tomorrow. It was cold out so I packed a pair of grey skinnies and black ankle boots along with my favorite navy blue knitted sweater. I didn't even bother folding the clothes I just stuffed it in.

"He's outside?" Alan asked looking up at me.

"No." I replied.

"You walked?" he questioned.

"Yeah, so?"

"And your coat? Where's your coat?" he asked sitting up.

"Alan, I don't need one! Don't worry!" I fake smiled. I turned the nob and without saying another word I walked out and hugged myself, speed walking back to his house. I wasn't gone for too long, just about forty five minutes. I know it's not my house and I should've knocked but I was too cold and just walked in. I saw Harry's mom sleeping on the couch and took my shoes off and left it by the door. I tip toed up the stairs only to hear rapid footsteps coming from Harry's room. I quickly ran up and just as I opened the door, he did as well.

"Aleevonne!" he said in relief pulling me in and slamming the door shut, "Where the fuck were you?" he asked hugging me tightly. I dropped my bag and hugged him back.

"I went home to grab some clothes." I told him.

"Why didn't you wake me--Jesus Christ you're freezing!" he quickly rubbed my arms and pulled away to grab a hoodie from his closet.

"I'm fine Harry, relax." I said picking my bag up and throwing it on the chair.

"Why didn't you just wake me up?" he asked again but this time standing still and staring at me with what seemed to be with worry.

"I didn't want to wake you."

"It's almost midnight!" he said raising his voice, "and you went out without a coat!"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." I said walking up to him and grabbing his hand, "why are you so worried? I'm fine, see!" I let go of his hand and spread my arms out, "fine, just fine." I smiled, but he didn't smile back.

"You should've just told me. I thought you left me."

"Left you? Why would I leave you?"

"I don't know, I thought I scared you away." he told me walking to the edge of the bed and sitting down, "I almost had a fucking heart attack." he said breathlessly.

"I just went home to pick up some clothes for tomorrow." I reminded again sitting next to him.

"I didn't know that. I woke up and you were gone, I thought you ran away from me; I thought I scared you away."

"No, babe no." I said rubbing his thigh, "I'm not going anywhere, not without you. I promise." I told him throwing my arm around his neck and kissing his cheek.

"Come lay back down with me." he grabbed my hand and lifted the covers as we crawled in. He cuddled me in and wrapped the blanket around us. His arms wrapped around my body as mine rested around his back. I pressed my head against his chest as he ran his fingers up and down my arm.

"I'm sorry for making you tell me." I apologized slowly rubbing his chest.

"No, it's okay. I had to tell you eventually." he said hugging me tighter to warm him.

My skin was ice cold as his was warm. There was need for a blanket because his body heat was keeping me warm.

"I've never done that before." he confessed.

"Done what?"

"Broke down the way I did."

"It's good that you did, you finally got it all out." I looked up at him and he kissed my lips.

"I really do love you." he told me looking into my eyes.

"I know you do, and I love you." I said again.

"You don't realize how long I've been waiting to hear you say that." It seemed like he was trying to smile but the pain prevented him for doing so.

"Your body is still cold." he told me rubbing my back and arms and pressing his face against mine.

"I'm getting there, I'm almost warm." I smiled, "your hands," I gasped as I held them, "they're so warm." I pressed it against my cheek and he laughed.

"Here," he removed his hand from my face and slid it under my shirt and rubbed my cold back and stomach. I closed my eyes and allowed his hands to warm my skin.

"Is it helping?" he whispered.

"Mhmm." I hummed in satisfaction. I felt his body move and within seconds his lips were against mine and his hand moved from my bare back to my ribs. He pulled away and pressed his nose against mine and the air from his nose hit my face before he pulled back in. I tangled my fingers in his hair as our tongues moved together and from how excited my body became, I moved ontop of him and straddled him. His hands moved to my hips and he squeezed as our kiss grew more intense.

Even though I said I'm wasn't ready, I feel like I am. And even though I keep rejecting his offer, a little voice in my head is telling me to accept it.

He sat up as I straddled him and he turned me over so that I was laying on my back. He than crawled ontop of me and went from my lips to my neck and his hands remained under my shirt.

"I'm sorry..." he said realizing our actions.

"Don't stop..." I whispered. I even surprised myself and his eyes widened.

"Don't stop?" he made sure.

"No, keep going." I practically begged. He hesitated briefly and I was growing impatient so I cupped his face and pulled him down. His hands grabbed and squeezed my breasts making my back slightly arch from his roughness. Before I could open my eyes, my sweater was already off and Harry was kissing my neck down to my breasts. He placed his hand behind my neck and pulled me up against his chest and began to kiss me and squeeze my butt. I pulled myself from under him and sat up on my knee's and grabbed the hem of his shirt to pull if off and threw it on the floor.

Most of me was telling me to go through with it. Why wouldn't I? I love him, he loves me...so there's no reason for me to stop; right?

He parted his lips and reconnected them with mine as our tongues met. His hand made it's way to my lower back and pressed me against his stomach. I could feel himself against me but this time, I wasn't nervous.

"Harry?" the familiar sweet and young voice called from the other side of the door.

"Shit!" he whisper yelled pulling away,"it's Amilia!" We both quickly jumped off the bed and grabbed our shirts to put on and just as he did he went to answer the door.

"Hi, lovely." he greeted kneeling down still trying to control his breathing.

"Harry, I have a headache." she said as she was about to cry.

"You do?" he asked picking up and holding her against his chest.

"Where's mommy?" he asked her as he pressed the back of his hand against her forehead.

"She's sleeping downstairs." she closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Okay, c'mon" he pressed her head against his chest and walked her to her room and he told me to join him. He opened her door and gently laid her down and tucked her in.

"It'll go away once you fall asleep." he said sitting beside her weak body.

"Is Alee sleeping over?" she asked looking at me.

"She is, yeah." he smiled.

"Good. I like having her here." she told him shutting her eyes.

"I do too, love." he kissed her forehead and rubbed her cheek before standing up.

"Goodnight Harry, I love you." she said as her voice faded.

"I love you too." he shut the door behind us and he grabbed my hand and lead me back into the room.

"I'm tired." I said rubbing my eyes and crawling in bed.

"I am too." he turned the lights off and joined me in the bed and pressed his front body against my back.

I still wanted to do it, but I knew he wouldn't believe me if I said I was ready, so I didn't bring it up.

"Goodnight, baby." he told me kissing the back of my neck.

"Goodnight." I smiled as I held his arms that wrapped around my stomach.


*hi guys! thanks for getting the last chapter to 500+ reads over night! it means alot! please let me know what you think of this chapter and please don't forget to comment, rate, and share! thank you lovelies!*