Pain: Her (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 100

"I thought you left." Alan comments as I set myself in his red truck.

He didn't run after me. He didn't chase me or try to stop me, didn't even say one word; he just let me go. He let me leave and let me walk away and now I know. Know I see it all, it's all so clear and precise I finally know the real Harry.

"Sorry," I apologize setting all my resentment towards Alan behind me. "I was getting extra work for Spring Break. I'm falling behind so I thought why not." I force a smile and oddly, he returns it. He probably hates me more than I hate him but I miss him. Aside from all the fights, name calling, negative thoughts and expanded hatred towards him, I miss the relationship we used to have. I miss the laughs and jokes, all the funny times and closeness we shared. But who ruined it? Who took it away? Harry.

"Really? Good. That's good." He nods peering out of the window.

It's raining again and it's sickening. It keeps raining and thundering, it won't seem to stop. Every damn day it's like this, every day the clouds are shaded grey and black and it's most probably because God is mimicking my life. My dark and hallow life filled with nothing but pain. Pain caused from the ones I love and hate.

"I'm going to pick your mother up from work so we can go to dinner. Here," He pulls out his wallet and hands me twenty dollars, "buy pizza or whatever. We won't be late. If you need anything," he pauses, "call me."

I have hurt this man, I've labeled him names, I've used his position as my step-father against him, I've caused him stress and anger, created a gap in his marriage with my mom because I made her turn her back on him when this whole entire time, he was right.

"Okay." I take the bill from his hands and open the door. The rain immediately falls on my legs and I step into a puddle. "Alan?" I turn to him letting the rain carelessly fall on me.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry." My words have surprised him and he remains quiet. He knows what I'm sorry for, just not why. I should've said sorry a long time ago instead of trying to prove him wrong. Guess I really am the naive one.

Without another word, I shut his door and hurry up the stairs so I can replace my stiff body with serenity. The house is hushed, undisturbed and at peace. It kind of feels like I'm deaf because of how quiet it is.

Right now I'd most probably be at Harry's house, hugging him and crying over the argument about the possible baby. He'd probably feed me the bullshit about being there for me and caring for it, telling me how lucky we'd be and that he "loves" me with all of his heart. "The little heart that I have, I love you with all of it," is what he'd say since it's the one thing he always seems to recite when we argue. Our whole relationship was fed off of it. We lived and breathed the fights. We probably fought and argued more than we actually got along and it makes me want to scream that it has taken me this long to realize who he really is.

It happened to fast. Just like the first breakup, it was out of the blue and just so sudden. He did so many horrible things and I love him so much that I took the blame for the split when really, he caused it. He hid everything from me even after swearing that there was nothing he was hiding, he made me believe that I was the bad one for making him tell me rather than him willingly doing it, he told me Liam was wrong when he tried to convince me that Harry was worst than him. In a way, because I'm so madly in love with Harry and because I gave myself to him, he did hurt me more than Liam. Harry never hit me or took advantage of me, but the love he made me feel hurt me the most.

I fell too quickly, I think that's it. I knew him in freshmen year but he was just another face in the crowd; a face I never payed any attention to. He had his eyes on me for two years and the fact that he loved me before I even had a chance to feel real love really pulled me to him. That's what made me love him so fast. That's what made me fall before him allowing myself to love again after promising myself not to. He fixed me, but the damage he has caused me now is nothing compared to what I was before he did.