Pain: Her (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 46

I kept tossing and turning, waking up and falling back asleep; I've never slept so horribly before. He never called me back or even texted and I felt so lonely. When my mom came home, I was awake and pretended to be asleep to prevent any conversation with her. I awake suddenly at four am and couldn't go back to sleep. I stared at the ceiling hating myself and thinking about how I hurt Harry and how much pain I'm putting him through by taking all my anger and problems out on him. A little part though, just a tiny little crumb, is still upset at him for not telling me. I understand I took it too far by hitting him and I know he didn't "lie" to me and just "didn't tell me" but the effect feels the same. At the same time, I regret even touching him. I should have never hit him; he didn't deserve that and the guilt is eating me alive. I wanted to call him so badly. I even picked up the phone and almost did about twenty times. I kept staring at his name contemplating whether or not I should. But I wouldn't have been able to take the rejection of him not answering. I just hope he wasn't waiting for my call, and if he was, I would hate myself more for not going with my gut and calling him.

I got out of bed at six and took a shower, a very miserable shower. I kind of just stood there taking in the heat. All of this shouldn't even be effecting me this way but for some reason, it's breaking me. I felt hated and unwanted, just plain despised by those I cared about when I shouldn't be the one feeling it. I should be the one receiving apologies but instead I'm giving them out. The only person who deserves my apology is Harry. I love him.

"Morning." Alan greeted as I walked into the kitchen, "you look, comfortable." he half smiled at my outfit.

"Thanks." I rolled my eyes sitting down. I wore regular black skinnies with my black converse, along with Harry's purple "JW" sweater I wore at his house the other day. It still smelt like him and I couldn't resist.

"Need a ride?" he asked throwing his coat on.

"Yeah." I sighed.

The ride to school was quiet, cold and quiet. Even though Alan was right beside I felt alone. Jesus! I swear, it's like...I love him so much and even if he's sad or angry in the slightest it's like the world is ending for me. Why? I have no fucking clue. I'm still upset with Ava and Liam, and ontop of that I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I see Harry. We're in all the same classes and I wouldn't be able to handle him ignoring me, I'd go crazy.

"He never answered, did he?" Alan asked as we drove down the highway.

"No." My legs were crossed but I was slouched with my arms crossed over my chest.

"You guys have class together so I'm sure he'll say something."

"Doubt it." I said quietly looking at my faint yet distorted reflection on the window.

Alan sighed and shifted his eyes to the road.

The real question is; what am I going to do when I see Liam? I know I will and I know I'll have the urge to punch the shit out of him but I'm afraid I might do something. I don't have self control when it comes to situations likes this. As a matter of fact, I don't have self control at all, which is why I screw everything up.

"I'll see you later, alright? Be careful." Alan and I went our seperate ways as he went into the teachers entrance and I went through the normal one.

I had no makeup on, my hair was down and pulled behind my ear, no effort went into any part of my appearence today and people noticed.

"Alee, you okay?" A girl from Chemistry asked.

"Yeah." I fake smiled and she nodded and left. When I reached my locker I threw my bag in and grabbed my notebook for the next class. Right when I shut it, I saw Harry turn the corner and my heart was beating out of my chest.

His hair was up in a high quiff, like usual, and he had small bags under his eyes. The cheek I slapped looked okay, still a little redder then the other, but other then that it wasn't as bad as I expected. He wore his usual attire; white t-shirt with his boots, but instead of wearing his usual black jeans he wore the blues one's I love so much. The way he walked towards me held so much authority making me feel a little intimidated.

Has he even noticed me yet?

He looked to his right, shaking some guys hand, then to his right, shaking another guys hand, then looked forward; directly at me, and his eye never left mine as he made his way towards me. I felt my body shake with nerves unware of what he'll do or say. I just prayed and hoped he didn't walk passed me and ignore me.

Everything but Harry became blurry in my eyes and he became the only relevant thing.

"Ms. Core!" Mrs. Croulet called from across the hall, "get to class honey, you don't want to be late! You too Mr. Styles, get moving!" I broke my contact with Harry and turned on my heel, walking as fast I could down the hall and stairwell to the basement for gym. When I pushed the steal door open, I heard it close. Once I reached the bottom step, I heard the door open again. The handle was pushed in and the noise echo'd as it opened; I knew it was Harry and I didn't know whether I should wait for him or go. But when I heard his footsteps come closer, I panicked and left.

I shouldn't even panic, I should wait for him like a normal girlfriend.

I walked down the hall and to the front door of the gym, and just as I was about to open it a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Oh.." I whispered. Harry was looking down at me with my arm gripped in his hand and he blinked lightly as we stared into each others eyes for what seemed like forever. Unexpectedly, he gently pushed me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me and securing me in his grasp. We stayed like that for a few quiet moments. I didn't want him to let me go because this was the hug I've been waiting for.

He pulled away and my arms fell to his hips. He cupped my face and removed strands of hair away from him and kept his eyes on mine.

"You look sad." he quietly pointed out rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

"I'm really sad." I whispered on the verge or tears.

"Don't be." he requested and leaned in and kissing my lips gently.

"I'm sorry for hitting you and for asking you to leave, and I'm so so sorry for calling you a stranger Harry, I love you so much you're not a stranger and I'm sorry for saying I didn't trust you because I trust you with all my life, I trust you more then I trust anyone else. I was just angry Harry, really." I rambled on barely having any breath left in me, "I'm sorry." I whispered dropped my hands to my side. He just looked at me. He didn't say anything for a while, just stared into my eyes.

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked breaking the silence.

"What?" I'm confused...

"Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything." he stated and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"Harry I don--"

"I should be apologizing. I'm a dick for not staying when you asked, and especially a dick for not telling you and calling you last night." he confessed and a wave of relief washed over me,"I'm sorry if me not paying you any attention hurt you." he softly said.

"No, no." I shook my head, "I just...it just hurt me knowing I hurt you.." I looked down at my feet. I cleared my throat when he didn't respond and when I looked up his eyes were shut.

"Are you okay?" I asked waiting for him to open his eyes.

"I don't want you to feel hurt." he shook his head, "I can't let you feel that way, and I can't let you feel that way especially over me, over something I did."

"Harry," I grabbed his hand, "I hit you over something someone else did, and I yelled and said things I didn't mean out of anger. I took it out on you and you don't understand how much self hatred I felt for doing that. You've been nothing but a good boyfriend to me and all I've been doing is pushing you away, I don't want to be like my mom!" I suddenly yelled pulling away from him. The tears were forming quickly as I stepped away from him catching my breath. He watched me in confusion and knitted his eyebrows together.

"Like your mom?" he asked.

"Yes! She went through the same thing as me and she had a good person in her life to love and care for her and she pushed him away and that's what I'm doing to you! I keep pushing and pushing and making you upset and angry and no matter how hard..." I said stopping myself as the tears fell, "no matter how hard I try, I can't....stop" the last words came out weak and I felt breathless. I shouldn't be this loud with everyone in the gym behind me but I couldn't help it. He grabbed my hand without saying a word and walked down the hall and into an empty room. It was big like a normal classroom, but cold. After he shut the door, he switched the lights on and the buzzing sound of the bulbs filled the room. He stepped in front of me and grabbed my hand. He pressed my palm against his heart and kept his hand ontop of mine as he did. He put his free one on my hip and looked at me with serious yet truthful eyes.

"Do you feel that?" he finally spoke and I nodded, "that only beats for you. A few fights and meaningless words won't stop it from beating. The only time it will is when you leave. Push all you want, I'm not going anywhere because two years felt like a lifetime and I'm not going to let anything pull or push me away from you." he closed the spaced between my fingers with his and squeezed, "my heart belongs to you, so when you hurt I hurt. When you cry, I cry. When you're mad and upset, my heart is mad and fucking upset. Liam gave up on you, and just because he did that don't that think I will too, because I won't. I'm all yours." he said removing his hand from my hip and pressing it to my lower back and pulling me in. Without saying another word he locked his lips onto mine and I felt human again.

No one has ever said that to me. No one has ever cared or loved me as much as him and though it all feels foreign and unfamiliar, I love it. Only Harry can make me feel this way and only he can say the right words to make me fall even more in love with him.




*I'm really sorry for the short chapter! I wasn't planning on making it so short but I've been so busy over the weekend but I promise to update tomorrow and make it normal lenght. I know its all cheesy and stuff with the sweet words but I was in the mood to make Harry a sweetheart, so i hope you enjoyed it and please dont forget to comment vote and share! i love reading all your thoughts on this :) *