Pain: Her (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 86

The hours are long again and here I am back to square one. No matter what I do to try and make myself happy, it's taken away from me leaving me to drown yet again in my grey and isolated world. This black ceiling replays all of my memories as I stare at it, trying to find some type of clue or even a hint. I thought things were getting better, aside from the two day breakup, I thought everything was going fine. I refuse to believe that he's better off without me no matter how many times Alan tries to convince me. He doesn't understand. That's the problem with adults; they think they're helping because they 'know' how we're feeling or what we're going through but they're completely clueless. He didn't even have the decency to sit me down and ask me how things are going with Harry. He couldn't even talk to me heart to heart to see my views on everything. He claims he's doing this all to help me but he knows that if I needed his help, I would've asked him. He's forcing me to break up with him; what help with that do? He should know me by now. He should know how I am and if he thinks this "plan" is going to work he's truely deluded.

I'm not choosing Harry over my own family like Alan claimed, I'm simply defending us. I have every right to defend what I'm in love with and if that means I have to hurt someones feelings, which isn't as cruel as people think, then so be it. Did he think I was just going to listen to him and leave Harry? He can't possibly be that stupid. He sees how happy I am with him, I just don't understand. Even worse, my mom took his side after I thought she was on mine. All they ever do is turn against me. It's the only thing they're good at. He suddenly 'cares' about my relationship and life because he saw a slight bad side to Harry? That's bullshit. What's even funnier is that he said he knew about Harry's past but 'allowed him to date me.' I don't even care anymore. I finally have something good in my life and I won't let go of Harry again. I love him too much to do that. He's literally my everything and with him gone, I'm nothing.

Alan and my mom argued for a while downstairs and I heard it all. Some shit about me growing up in the wrong environment and how I'm attracted to 'good-for-nothing guys.' Alan mentioned something about my mom not being strict enough on me which set her off. The heavy metal music blocked them out as I forced myself to ignore their shouts and hateful exchange of words. I haven't left my room since last night and I feel trapped. I haven't spoken or seen Harry since yesterday and the last image of him was his face buried in his hands.

As I lay here creating a beat to the violent clashes of the bundled lightening and pool of rain, I begin to regret turning down Harry's plead to run away. I probably should've done it and at the time it sounded like an insane idea, but now it seems to be the best. Just the thought of only Harry and I makes me smile. No adults, no Alan--just us. I want to run away and never look back. I want to erase all of the people who have hurt me out of my mind and start fresh but I'm setting my hopes too high. I can't do that, I can't run away and that small flame representing the hope I have left is slowly disappearing.

It's Sunday and it's almost seven. The sky is dimmed into a greyish-blue and the horizon is white with clustered clouds and street lights. The rain is creating light mist but oddly, it looks beautiful. My body has probably dented the bed from laying in the same position for hours. The only time I got up was so to use the bathroom and grab some water but even that was a struggle. The tears have warn me out. I feel weak and have not energy in me and the sting in my throat is unbearable and I just want Harry.

I close my eyes in attempt to rid my mind of my thoughts to sleep but no matter how tired I am, I can't. I close my eyes and see his face, not the happy Harry I love but the drunk and broken Harry I found at the park. The Harry whose drinking has gotten worse but doesn't seem to care. His love for the alcohol that consumes him poisoning his blood and destroying his liver is becoming dangerous now that it's his only cure for any feelings or problem he has and I'm clueless at how to make it stop. I don't want to be the reason he goes back to his old self, I don't want to put him back in his past, if anything I want to make him better. It's just the people around us who are making things worse.