Pain: Her (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 76

He grabs my hand and holds it tightly in his, rubbing over my knuckles with his shakey thumb. I never left him, I just took a step back to collect myself but the time apart from him obviously ruined me more than the reason for my distance towards him. I can't leave him, I can't leave him alone especially since he's drunk and can't even stand straight on his own. His eyes are blood shot and his shirt smells like it's been worn for centuries. When was the last time he showered? His hands are rough and extremely dry, and with mine, I'm trying to warm them.

"Will you love me forever just like you promised?" his vodka breath burns in the breeze and his once shining eyes are dull and departed. Even though he's drunk, his words are not a slur; they're clear and his mind and ears are attentive awaiting for my response.

"I will." I assure tilting my head to kiss his wet lips once more, "let me take you home." I pull away and step back, "I'll drive you and you can pick up your car later."

With our fingers still intertwined, we begin to walk back to the car. His steps are small and slow behind me and I'm moving at his pace. He's stumbling and is unable to walk properly, holding my hand tighter to keep himself from falling. I release my hand from his and wrap my arm around his waist and my hope is that this will at least provide him some stability.

"We're almost there." I announce. We step off the grass and onto the path. The rate of the wind is increasing and wind chimes hanging from the park lights hit against each other, playing a beautiful random tune.

"Aleevonne," he slurs pulling me back.

"A few more steps, Harry. We're almost there." I tug at his arm leading him again with me.

I made him this way. I destroyed him and cracked his strong core and shattered his shield that was supposed to keep him from destructing. The grip he has around my hand is something I can't quite explain. It's very different from how he used to hold it. This time it's must more desperate but it feels as if he's afraid I might pull away and run. I've tried running from him but all it did was cause me pain. I don't want to lose him or push him away, I want to keep him forever despite what he has done.

He leans against the car to support him as I open his door, "you look beautiful." his drunken words cause me smile, "you really do. Even in sweats you look breath taking." he chuckles with a closed mouth. I hold the door open and he stumbles his way to his seat. I lean in to buckle his belt and just as I do, I feel his lips against my arm. A sheet of goosebumps blanket my body while his lips move up to my cheek. He plants a small kiss on it and pulls away.

"Watch your hand." I lift his dangling arm and place it on his lap. I don't want it to get caught between the door, but then again the alcohol has probably numbed it.

"You're taking me home?" he turns his rested head towards me and I nod, "can you take me home with you?"

I know it's not a good idea and it would be such a struggle to bring to my house and up the stairs without waking my parents, but I want him to be with me. I want to cuddle him up and take care of him like I should've been doing these passed two days. I've needed him our entire relationship, and now he needs me.

"Okay." I whisper backing up onto the road.

My house is not too far, just about ten minutes but the drive seems so long. I turn and look at Harry who's watching the view outside the window as I drown myself with regret. I've always said I couldn't imagine life without Harry, but being without him for two days put me through so much pain and I know if I leave him forever that's exactly how my life will be every day without him. I'm so madly in love with him but the hate and disgust I felt towards him has washed away. I don't even think it was genuine hate. I think because I never expected it from him it hurt me more than it should have. He's not a bad person, if anything he's an angel in the form of a human but he's not perfect, nobody is, but the fact that I left him when he needed me the most makes me feel hate myself. I can't leave him, no matter how much I try it's impossible. He's apart of me and I don't want to let him go.