Dying to be thin

We can't be together

My body froze. Did he really just say that? I don't think anyone has ever told me they loved me before, not even my family, not even my boyfriend.....my boyfriend...CRAP!

"Zayn....I can't...." I said in a voice barely above a whisper, as my head lowered in shame.

"What wrong Em? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, I'm..."

"Shhh...." I said as my finger gently went up to touch his lips. "No, it's not you it's.."

"Are you breaking up with me already?" He smiled with his little kid face, but I could see the seriousness in his eyes.

"No, it's just...I kinda have a boyfriend..."

"What? You "kinda" have a boyfriend?" He said angrily, making the commer sign with his fingers. I could see his heart begin to die inside, I could see it through the sadness in his eyes.

"Yes, well, kind of, I'm sorry!" I cried as I burried my head in my hands before the tears started to fall from my eyes.

"No, Emily, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get mad." He said softly, as he gently moved my hands from my face and stared into my tear full eyes.

"I'm just upset, that's all, I thought we might of had something, something special, but if you have a boyfriend then don't worry about it.."

"No!" I interrupted "No..." I said in a calmer voice, "I technically have a boyfriend, but, I dunno, I think, I think he doesn't love me anymore" I blurted.

"What do you mean?" He said sweetly, as he began to stroke the tears away from my face."Things have happened, we've been through a lot, to be fair, I've been pretty hard to live with, I'm amazed he's stayed with me this long..." I could feel more tears welling up in my eyes.

"What..What happened?" he said gently, as he hugged me softly and began to stroke my hair.

"I've..I've developed an illness, had it about a year now," I confessed "I've given him a lot of heartache, I've put him through so much, there's no surprise he's lost interest..."

"No Em, don't say that, anyone would be lucky to have you," his face suddenly turned stone hard with pain in his eyes, "What illness?"

"I'm....I'm....anorexic"

He just stared at me, the gap between us seemed to grow, oh no, what have I done? I knew he wouldn't like me as soon as he found out, he's just like my boyfriend, who would want me, especially in this state? I could see the upset in his face, the dead silence between us was unbearable, please, say something? His hand touched my face, a little wearily at first, like he thought he was going to break me, tears began to build up at the bottom of his eyes.

"Emily..." He said nervously, oh gosh, he's gunna say he doesn't want anything to do with me any more, I knew it, thanks Ana, you've ruined my life, again.